A Love Poem for Jason
I hate you.
I hate the way you call me names,
the way you don't tell me things about you
that happened now or in the past,
or how you fight me in the kitchen
and call me small-fry.
You always hurt me,
yell at me,
refuse to cuddle.
You pick out boring movies
and make the house feel like an icebox.
When I'm trying to sleep
you turn the fan on.
You say I'm selfish after I cook you something
or buy you dinner
and forget the sweet things I do for you,
even if I don't do them often enough.
I hate how you change the lyrics to songs
so they're mean words about me.
You laugh at me when I'm clumsy
or forget things, or hurt myself,
or hurt myself trying to hurt you.
You tell me I'm not good enough for you,
yet you're still with me.
You're always saying how I need to change this or that.
You say I'm irresponsible, but it's only that I forget a lot.
You spend too much time studying
instead of having conversations with me.
I can't remember the last time we really, truly talked.
I hate it when you go home to visit your family,
promising to come home early and soon,
and don't call when you're late, (you're always late coming home,)
then tell me you can't come back any sooner because
of this or that because of your mother.
Your family is always letting you down
and you don't stick up for yourself,
but you say a lot to me when I make you mad.
Whenever I want to dance, you act like a fool.
You're never romantic.
You say I'm too clingy, but you're not attached at all.
I hate when you don't come to my house over summer
because of gas prices. But I still come to you.
I hate how when I feed the animals, you yell at me for not feeding them.
I hate how even though you say you love me,
you let everything get in the way— religion, organization, dependency.
You continually crush my dreams.
Yet somehow, even with these things in consideration,
I love you. I love you so much that nothing in the world
could be more essential to my life
than your next heartbeat, smile, thought.
I put aside all the things I don't like
in order to spend one more day with you,
before you throw in the towel. In fact,
I don't hate those things about you at all.
If it weren't for those things, I wouldn't love you.
And there it is.
I love you.