"In The Shell"
Everywhere I am, I am incomplete.
I am fragments—of other times,
of other people, in a shell.
I love living but regret being thankful
because of everything I keep losing.
My sorrow was instilled in me from earlier days,
when I cried at everything.
Imagination and impulse carry me
with a sick motion I'd rather be rid of.
I am still a child
who disregards responsibility and
loses her heart to impossible magic.
My soul is far away
playing with mist, swamps, and galaxies.
I am not at peace with good weather
and spirituality. But I worry.
My dark dreams spit truth out at me.
They remind me of the executioner I will always be
and of all those that have gone away.
I pretend to forget. I forget
I will be lonely. I don't deserve
Howl and Sophie's love.
I stood many times with nature, prayed,
when I thought it could keep me alive,
but it let me die.
Your whiteness reminded me that I am human.