"These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real…"

[sarah]

Empty – emptier, emptiest; empties, emptying, emptied. Adjective.

1. containing nothing. 2. unoccupied. 3. without purpose or value. 4. (of words) insincere verb. 5. to make (something) empty.

She was empty.

Empty,

Empty,

Empty.

She never used to be empty. She used to be full [full of life], vibrant, bubbly. She used to care [about trivial things, mostly, like gossip and shopping, but still, it was better than this].

She used to have some[one]thing to live for, to want to live for.

But he was gone. Gone in the wind, like a balloon some careless child had let go of for just a second too long. But she wasn't a careless child, and she hadn't [couldn't, wouldn't] let him go. He was snatched cruelly from her, for no good reason, by a stupid stupid driver, who had taken the corner "a little too fast," they had told her.

And she had screamed, and cried, and yelled, and thrown things, shattering fragile figurines until they lay on the floor, in as many jagged pieces as her heart, and then she screamed some more. Screamed until her throat was dry and cracked and she could hardly speak, so she sobbed instead, for weeks on end, until finally she had cried out everything that was inside her and she was simply

empty.

Vacant,

merely a shell of what she used to be, and suddenly, it didn't hurt as much because she

couldn't feel a thing,

shut off from emotions, and people, and the world, and herself, and none of it even mattered anymore, because he wasn't there.

She had gone to his funeral, seven months ago [oh god, had it only been seven months? It seemed like eternity since he had held her...] and hadn't cried [there was nothing left inside]. And his mother, with her cold, narrowed, disapproving eyes, barely wet from the tears that were shed simply because it was proper, even though Sarah knew, she knew that she was the reason he wasn't there. His mother, with her accusations, and her voice, sharp as razors, as she screeched that "you're the reason he's lying there! You never loved him, you ruined his life! He was only seventeen for Christ's sake!," she was the reason he was out on the road so late at night. Even so, and even though there was nothing left inside, Sarah went home and cried, until her eyes stung and her lips tasted like salt, and she eventually drifted into a restless sleep.

[why why

WHY

did they take you away?]

[the worst thing was not knowing…]

She wanted answers, needed closure, needed something more than this, and so she searched at the bottom of empty vodka bottles, popping pills like candy [she didn't know didn't care what they were], searching for the answers she so desperately wanted [needed], finding nothing but a temporary buzz and a killer headache, left wondering if maybe, just maybe it would be better just to simply slip away, leave all the mess behind, and try to fare better in her next life.

But she wouldn't, because it was too hard, and there was too much of him, everywhere, and she just couldn't, couldn't bear to let it [him] go, because maybe [never] he was going to come back, and she couldn't leave this world for uncertainty, because if she wasn't so

empty,

then maybe she would be scared and upset, but she wasn't, because he was gone, and now there was nothingthat would ever light up her world ever again, not the way that he had, and even if there was, she wasn't too sure that she wanted it anyway.

Because she had given so much of herself to him, and there wasn't a whole lot left to give away, to anyone else. Now there was just…black, darkness, just…nothing. There was no hope anymore, now that her light had been extinguished.

And her brother, her Ryan, the only reason she had kept [relatively] sane in these past months was missing, and she didn't know what to do anymore now that the two most important men in her life had left her here, alone, and

empty,

so she'd do what she knew how to do best – withdraw, pretend that none of it was happening, crawl into a little ball behind her door and hidebecause the world was just too damn hard to face when there was nothing inside [and no one beside] you.


Hello :)

So, this is the first part - there's like, 9 in total.
6 characters, 3 relationships. I tell you this now so that you can form conspiracy theories and the like, lol.

So, yeah. That's about it, really.
Anything else, questions, comments, whatev, let me know :)

Love, and what could be seen to be very inappropriate thoughts about the hot guy in my math class,
-ash. :)

(oh, and P.S. lyrics at the beginning are from 'My Immortal' by Evanescence)