1How does David Beckham do it? Even when he finished his MLS season he was loaned to AC Milan. He never stops. Even with Victoria and his kids. Could I ever do that? Give up so much just to play soccer? Similar thoughts keep interrupting me. During soccer practice, while talking to my dad, even now when I should be working on finding out how many books Charles Dickens actually wrote.
"I've been thinking about the whole soccer, farm thing." I say.
Carson looks up at me. We're at my house working on the project.
"And?" He says.
"Well you said you don't like farming and I got to thinking and I kind of realized that I don't really don't like playing soccer." I say.
"You don't like it?" he asks bewildered.
"Yeah, I use to think I did but I think I only liked it because it made my dad so happy and proud. You know?
"Yeah, I do." He says.
"So, I was thinking that we should both put an end to the madness. I'll quit soccer and you'll tell your dad that you don't want to take over the farm!" I say excited bouncing in my chair.
"Are you crazy? I'm sure both of our dads would freak." He says.
"So! It's not their decision to make." I say. Carson thinks for a moment.
"I guess you're right." He says.
"I'm quitting tomorrow. And I think you should tell your dad tomorrow. I mean, if you want to." I say. He thinks for another moment.
"Okay, but we have to meet up after."
"Deal!"
"Wow." He says.
"What?"
"We're really gonna do this, huh?" He says.
"Yeah. Pretty big steps." My stomach lurches and this time not because I'm thinking about Carson in ways I should only be thinking about my boyfriend.
"These are the last sprints I will ever do." I think to myself.
I decided that I wanted one more practice. So far the only people that know that I am quitting are Carson and Nicole. Nicole thought I was joking when I told her.
"Are you mental?" She asked. "You're the best player on this team. We need you!"
"You don't need me." I said. It's sad that I won't be able to spend as much time with Nicole but I don't have anymore time to waste. I spent all of high school doing nothing because I just assumed I would play college soccer. Now I need to spend my time figuring out what I like to do and figuring a way to get into a college to study what I like to do.
Nicole eventually understood.
Practice ends and I glance towards coach and then back at Nicole.
"Go on." She says. So I do.
"Coach?" I say when I reach him. Oh, crap.
"Yes?" He asks while writing on his clipboard. I struggle to get the words out.
Oh, god. He's going to blow.
"Well I've been thinking a lot about my future lately."
Oh, dang, I should have prepared what I was going to say!
"And I've decided that I don't want to play soccer in college." He looks up at me.
"Now slow down Annabella. That is a big decision."
"I know but soccer isn't for me and I really need to take the time to figure out what I really want to do in college and after that," I take a deep breath "And that's why I'm quitting." Coach looks shocked.
"The Annabella I know would never quit." He says stone faced.
Shoot.
"Well maybe I've changed a little. I know I could still play even if I didn't want to play in college but I really can't see myself doing that." Coach sighs.
"I can't see you doing that either. You're the type of girl to throw yourself at something and drown in it or not touch it at all."
"Thanks for understanding coach." I say.
"Yeah, well I'm sure you'll be good at whatever you decide to do."
"Thanks."
"I can't say the girls will be as understanding as me though." My smile drops.
I left before coach could tell the girls. I'll admit I was running away. Carson and I agreed to meet at Joe's so I get Nicole to drop me off.
"Who are you meeting?" She asks.
"Carson." I say.
"I thought you guys were done with that project." She says.
"We are." I say. Shoot. What am I going to tell her? She won't get it. What Carson and I are about to do kind of sounds like a date. But its not!
"Anna… what are you doing?" She asks me in that tone. You know the tone. The "I already know what you're doing so just admit to it" tone.
"Were just friends Nicole. What? Just because I have a boyfriend, I can't have guy friends?"
"Well, yeah kind of."
"Whatever. Thanks for the ride." I say getting out of the car.
When I reach our booth- (Carson and I have a booth! No that is not something to get excited over.) Carson is already there.
"Hey! How'd it go?" I ask him.
"It was dramatic. My dad is now not speaking to me." He says.
"I'm sorry, but at least now he knows how you feel." I say.
"Yeah, I guess. How about you?"
"Not as dramatic as I thought it would be." I say.
"Course you haven't told your dad yet." My heart drops.
"I forgot about that." I say solemnly.
"It'll be alright. Worst case scenario, he ignores you like my dad." I sigh.
We leave an hour later and he opens his truck door for me. The gesture, so small and insignificant, reminds me of Nick. I quickly push the thought to the back of my mind. I don't need anymore guilt hanging over me.
By the time we reach my house I am nearly shaking with nervousness. Carson comes to open my door and although unnecessary takes my hand to help me down. I'm too nervous to acknowledge the somersault my stomach does when his hand grasps mine. He closes the door to the truck but does not let go of my hand. He pulls me closer. Oh god, is he going to kiss me? No! I can't! Oh but I so want to!
"You're shaking." He says.
"I'm nervous." He chuckles.
"Well, yeah I figured."
"I don't know if I can handle disappointing my dad." I say.
"I know you can do this." He says before letting go of my hands. The sudden absence of his body next to me as he steps away leaves me feeling a little empty.
I know you can do this. I know you can do this. I know you can do this.
Carson's words repeat in my head as I open the front door to my house. My dad is sitting in the kitchen eating dessert by himself. My stomach drops. I was secretly hoping he would already be asleep.
Well it's now or never.
Shit.