Dear New Jersey,

I am Thomas Birch. I'm in the fifth grade in Camden County. I won't tell you where I live because my mom says I should never dispose that infermation to strangers.

I am writing because of my consern for the spread of diseeses. Let me explain myself. Last night, I was jumping on my brother's bed when some magazines falled out. I picked them up and they confused me.

Now, about the diseeses. These magazines showed boys and girls hugging verry close and playing leep frog. This distreses me verry much. I beleeve that if people are always taking pictures like this, it could seriosly effect the spread of cooties. I have been extreemley distresed by cooties since the first grade when I first learned about them from my friend Jimmy. If he wasn't grounded for kicking his cat, I would not be writing this letter. We would probably be playing basketball or chasing sqiruls. Anyway, Jimmy told me that wen a girl gives you cooties, you get bugs in your skin and you start to smell like Nathan. Nathan is a boy in our class who smells like pee and Mrs. Clock is always telling him to take his hands out of his jeans. Jimmy says that before he gave Brittany a sip of his Yoohoo, he was the most popular kid in kindergarten.

If you want to learn more about cooties, you can watch the movie Philidelfia with the dark guy from that one civil war movie and that white man from the movie with the retard who goes and runs acrossed the counry. I think the white guy dies from cooties at the end of the movie, even though I never saw him with a girl. I think that guy has the same first name as me.

I think that governor Corzine shoud be doing more to stop cooties. The first thing we should do is stop leap frog in magazines. Especially since they don't wear clothes. We all know that clothes are a nachural cootie repelent. At least make them put on some clothes.

I'm still not sure why my brother had these magazines hidden under the bed. I think that I am going to ask mommy today.

Your friend,

Tommy Birch

P.S. I would like to help write the bill to outlaw these magazines. I just watched all of the Schoolhouse Rock America DVDs and I am pretty shure I could write one.