Auto Darts™ and Rotten Fruit

Has anyone besides me noticed the ability of today's drivers has exponentially decreased over the past decade? I would think most people would be aware and choose to drive more nicely knowing how annoying bad drivers are. Unfortunately, there are the run of the mill inattentive teenagers out there, idiots in the process of texting and gabbing on their cell phones, and geriatrics that refuse to drive faster than 65 kilometers per hour. Seriously, what's a poor law-abiding citizen to do?

I have just the thing…

My idea is called Auto Darts™. This system requires the vehicle to be equipped with a simple launching device. The said launching device will come with a wireless remote with a single large red button (for comic effect of course) which can be utilized to activate this revolutionary launching device thus projecting a small dart to hit the offending car.

Let's look at a real life situation: a sixteen year old cheerleader is at an intersection and texting, not realizing the traffic light has turned green and she should be removing her foot from the brake pedal and applying it to the accelerator. Instead of honking or even more satisfying, rear ending the moron, simply hit a large red button and their car will obtain a new ornament attesting to their lack of observation skills and absolutely heinous driving.

We know there are several different types of errors to be made as a driver. There are trivial mistakes which are normally pretty harmless, blunders that make an average person think, "What were you thinking?!", and serious lapses in judgment in which injury or death could occur. Therefore, Auto Darts™ come in three different colors, symbolizing these three levels of senselessness. Simply hit the red button the number of times in accordance with each color.

Yellow – be careful!

Orange – pay attention moron!

Red – your driving is so appalling you should go to jail.

Now when a police officer sees a car covered in these ingenious devices, they'll stop the prick and give them the hellacious ticket they deserve leaving the road a more satisfying and fun place to travel upon for me.

I know what you're thinking, what does rotten fruit have to do with the Auto Darts™ system? When Auto Darts™ are not enough to gratify that urge smash someone's face in and you're cut off by some douche bag that sees fit to make a three-lane change on the highway going 120 kilometers per hour to get to an exit a mere forty meters away, there is also the option of pressing the button four times in order to convert the launching device into a rotten fruit projector.

Once the offending ingrate has been bombarded with fowl smelling apples, oranges, and any other fruit seeming fit they will reflect back on their actions and think to themselves, "Wow, I really shouldn't have cut that nice lady off. My driving is so bad I'm being hit with decaying apples." Maybe then, the world can be purged of inattentive drivers.


Author's Note:

Keep in mind this is simply written for fun and not on any level serious. I think we all know what it feels like to be surrounded by awesomely bad drivers, this is simply one of my many fantasies about how to deal with them. Thanks for reading!