Why give yourself to someone so completely, when in the end… They'll just end up breaking your heart? Where is the satisfaction, the pleasure, the love, adoration…? Is it beforehand? Or is it after, when others are left to pick up the shattered pieces of your heart?

When can you stop loving that person, when even after breaking you're heart, you still love them. What do you do? How can you stop loving them? Will it take them killing someone? In my case, I'm not sure even that would make me stop loving them, after all just last night… I found a quote, "If you love someone, you'll forgive the unforgivable."

Maybe I'm just a fool, and things can never be repaired between us. He wants to fix himself, and I'm fighting for US, for OUR relationship. I want to help him, I love him. But how do I do that, when he won't let me help? Or is it, he just doesn't want me?

I feel for him, what I haven't felt for anyone else. Not even Cale. Cale is just that elusive dream, but him… He is tangible, I held him in my arms, I kissed him, and I loved him. For him, I feel love, I feel lust, and I feel the irresistible need to touch him, to listen to his heartbeat.

In the end, does it matter what I feel, versus what his decision is? What he feels? What he's done? He's chosen, he doesn't want me to fight, and I've given in. I'm too tired, I can't do this, and life is beating me down, depression coming.

With just a whisper, I'll say good-bye, don't forget me and I'll always love you.