Funny Side of Death

Meeting Death

A man has died and has to wait for Death to collect his soul.

When Deaths arrives the man speaks.

"About time. If you don't mind my askin' ya, how's Life? Heard you two hooked up…"

Death's empty eyes somehow grow darker, even his already pale skin seems to have gotten worse since the engagement.

"Don't even mention that Bitch."

I was talking to my second shift boss, who's only around four foot nothing, and I popped off with:

"Life's a bitch."

You know the rest, right? Life's a bitch, then you die?

She didn't say "Then you die."

No, she popped back with:

"And so am I!"

Communists are cold.

You know what we do to thaw cold things here in the Western World?

We nuke 'em.

I was thinking back on the stupid things people put in their microwave and got an idea.

What if a redneck decided he wanted a good tan and decided to jump in the nuke…

Go along with me people. I know it's impossible, but what if he's a midg?

Anyway, what if he cooks himself and his friends, who are total idiots, watch him slowly revolve?

I imagine the conversation would be something like this:

"Think we should git 'im out now, Paw?"

"Nah, 'nuther minute 'n a half won' kill 'im. Turn it up a few degrees, too. He wants t' look good fer that date he has tonaite."

"Can I get a beer?"

"Sure."

"Want one?"

"Sure."