A/N: This is an entry for the Ridiculously Happy OneShots contest - please see the FP profile of annoyance for further details. (There will be a poll on her profile later on to settle the winner!)

Here are some of the rules:

Has to be a One Shot.
- Has to be more than 2500 words.
- The main pairing must be het (boy/girl).
- The story must be Ridiculously Happy (all entries will be entered into annoyance's C2). That means no Angst, Hurt/Comfort. Romance, Humor and General are the preferred genres.
- All ratings are accepted, but keep lemons to a minimum.
- The story must be in the category Fiction - Romance.
- The story can be in POV of either the boy or the girl.
- The story must use irony. (For example, the one thing the boy hates about the girl could be what finally causes him to realize his feelings for her.)
- The girl must be significantly shorter than the guy, and he should make at least 3 comments about this. (Ideally around 1 foot of difference in height.)

Nancy Smollet surveys the way her gingerish-permed curls are pinned onto the top of her head, pouting at the mirror as she tries to decide what colour lipstick she wants to wear to her big date. Cherry? Plum? Apricot?

Perhaps something non-fruit related.

She doesn't want to look tarty.

Ah, that pretty rose pink shade that her goddaughter bought her for Christmas, that would be perfect!

Oh damn, it's run out.

But there's her stick of shiny fuschia lip gloss! Fantastic! It will go perfectly with that great shade of turquoise eyeshadow she picked out of the chemist's bargain bin the other day.

Nancy smiles coquettishly at her reflection, and hums "Puttin' on the Ritz", shimmying a little as she holds up a few dresses, trying to figure out which one would be best.

The lavender tulle one?

Too lacey.

Her orange and peach striped one?

Goodness no. It clashes simply frightfully with her new hair colour. Hmm, might be time to send that dress to St. Vinnie's, but as she carefully puts it back on the hanger, she reminds herself that she might end up going back to a colour that will look good with orange and peach.

After all, the ginger is a relatively new part of her look. She might get bored of it, and besides, she has some wonderful memories associated with that dress.


Having climbed back up her small step-ladder so that she can rummage through the clacking plastic hangers, Nancy digs up a dress she had forgotten about. It had originally been about a size too big for her, but come to think of it, that had been a rather long time ago. Nancy accepts the fact that "trendy" clothes don't suit her so well, particularly after that time with that horribly rude shop assistant who had sniffed and said that nothing inside the shop would be Nancy's sort of clothing.

Snooty bitch had been correct, but there was no call to be so impolite about it.

She holds the dress- navy velvet with bluish-green trimming- in front of herself, and decides that she could do a lot worse.

It's not like Ike is going to care. She could be dressed in ashes and sackcloth, and he'd still tell her all the same sweet compliments as if she had spent hours getting all gussied up.

Such a sweet man.

Still, it's rather fun dressing up and putting effort into trying to knock his socks off.

As she starts to sort through the bottom of her wardrobe in an effort to find her sensible black loafers, Nancy is reminded of the first time she met Ike. He'd been wearing this absolutely adorable pair of camel-coloured loafers that she had been entirely jealous of- Nancy has been wearing men's shoes since she turned seventeen, as she has abnormally wide feet, that tend to blister and bunion at the very sight of anything strappy and not flat to the ground.

She had complimented him on his loafers, unfortunately startling him so much that he'd dropped his favourite fountain pen into his coffee and ruined the Daffy Duck tie that his nephew had bought him for his birthday.

She had been profuse in her apologies, but Ike had waved her off, telling her that he'd never liked that tie so much anyway.

He was more of an Astro Boy fan.

That was five years ago.

From that point on, the two of them have had a fairly amicable working relationship- they both work at Bagg and Satchell's, a large publishing firm that specialised in textbooks and encyclopedias. Nancy is a senior editor, and Ike handles typeset. Since neither of them works directly with the other, this relationship mostly consisted of post-it notes from Ike asking Nancy whether her department was done with the X account, and Nancy's replies along the lines of, "Ask me again in two days, I'm not even sure if this thing is in English!"

The two of them might have carried on quite happily in their own separate, single lives if it hadn't been for those meddling kids.

Well, they weren't exactly kids- the junior staff at Bagg and Satchell's were in their late teens and early twenties- but they were far less mature than Nancy's godchildren and Ike's nephews and nieces.

Nancy and Ike had come to this conclusion upon finding themselves trapped inside the supply room together for five hours, each of them lured there by a note supposedly signed by the other. Nancy had only had enough time to ask Ike why on earth she was required to meet him in the supply room of all places before the door had slammed behind her and nervous departing giggles could be heard.

"Really," Nancy mutters to herself as she wriggles into her dress, careful not to bust the zipper. "How juvenile. We're mature adults. What did those kids think was going to happen? That they'd come back and find us in a compromising position of some sort? The Dwarf and The Ape. What a scream."

This last comment makes Nancy smile sardonically to herself. Both her and Ike had been well aware of what they were called behind their backs, and the fact that they had ended up hitting it off after all was something that they both chuckled about whenever they were intimate.

What had happened was that Nancy and Ike had attempted to find a way out of the supply room, but had ended up resigned that unless they planned on scaling the three-stories down out the window, they were stuck until someone decided they needed some more paperclips, or until the kids decided to let them out.

"If only you weren't so short, I could give you a boost and you'd be able to reach that vent," Ike had grouched good-naturedly, the slight smile on his face revealing how funny the idea of Nancy climbing through a vent was to him.

"Me, short? Good lord, I've never heard that one before," Nancy had replied sarcastically. So she had dwarfism. So what? Wasn't like she could do anything about her hereditary condition now was there?

Ike being Ike had immediately blushed and apologised. He hadn't meant to be offensive, he was just... he had fumbled in a way that Nancy had found quite adorable, despite herself, and so she had easily forgiven him.

What had happened next was that to while away the time, Nancy and Ike had seated themselves- Nancy on a box of paper reams, and Ike on the window sill- and for the first time just chatted about non-work-related things.

By the time they were let out of the supply room, Nancy had learned that Ike was a middle child, had two brothers, three nieces and two nephews. He'd been in the chess club at school, and his parents were Greek, which was probably why he was quite hairy. He hadn't been back to Greece since he was 12, but he was currently saving up for a trip. His favourite snack was sardines on toast and the camel loafers that Nancy had complimented him on the first time they'd met were his favourite pair of shoes.

In turn, Nancy had told Ike about how she was an only child, but that she'd been brought up alongside her cousins. That her cousin Julie had asked her to be the godmother to Julie's little girl, and that Nancy had originally feared that this was only due to the fact that Julie's daughter had also been born with dwarfism. Oh, and while she didn't like sardines, she was quite partial to pickled gherkins, and her favourite stones were opals.

And if Ike felt like buying her coffee sometime, well...

She wouldn't say no.

That was six months ago.

Pinning a big velvet bow to her hair, Nancy grins at her reflection and decides that she looks pretty good, considering. This will be the first time Ike and her have made a public appearance as a couple at any work function, and she wants to look her best.

The door bell rings, and Nancy shouts "I'm coming!" and shambles down from her step ladder, picking up her purse from her futon and making her way to the door of her small flat.

It's Ike of course, standing two steps down outside her front door, and just looking at him makes Nancy smile a little. He is somewhat overdressed for the office party in his slightly- too-short pinstripe trousers and bright purple waistcoat with red frogs on it, but she doesn't care. She bought that waistcoat for his birthday.

Seeing him actually wear it gives her the warm and fuzzies. And to think that Lisa from Human Resources had told her that the purchase was a bad idea!

"Greetings fellow thrillseeker! Would you like to abscond from this place of brick and tile?"

Nancy can't help but find Ike's playacting adorable. In his spare time, he writes short stories about gallant cyber knights riding laser-powered steeds, coming to the rescue of alien princesses with sarcastic symbiotes. She can tell when he's been doing it, because he starts to talk like one of his characters.

"Hello Ike. Wanna show these kids how it's done?"

They share a private smile, before Ike leans down and kisses her.

"Man, these stairs make reaching you a lot easier. Maybe we should do it this way more often."

Nancy scowls at him, not realising that she looks like a golem.

Ike flinches, and throws his hands up into the air.

"Hey! I'm sorry! My mind went on holiday while I was busy marvelling at how gorgeous you look! Honest!"

Nancy shrugs, turns, locks her door, and shoves him a little on her way past.

"Pft. Whatever Fuzzybear," she calls as she moves towards his car, knowing without turning around that Ike has an expression of amused exasperation on his face.

They'd made a deal on their third date that Nancy wouldn't give Ike an "obnoxious undignified petname" so long as he didn't make jokes about her height. It wasn't that the jokes particularly offended Nancy, it was more that she'd spent most of her life hearing them (and occasionally over-hearing them,) and so she was quite understandably heartily sick of them.

She doesn't go around making jokes about people's appearances or apparent intelligence, so she didn't see why she should have to listen to ignoramuses trying to make themselves feel witty by pointing out the obvious.

Overtaking her on the way to his car, Ike opens the door for her, playing the perfect gentleman as he makes sure his womanfriend (Nancy finds "girl" patronising) is properly settled into his beaten up Mini Minor.

They drive to the local RSL club, where the 30th Anniversary of Bagg and Satchell's Party has booked out the entire top floor, in comfortable silence, neither of them feeling the need to talk over the soft whir of the engine or the worn Beatles cassette Ike's always playing.

Ike manages to find a park relatively near to the club, a relief for Nancy, as whilst she is too proud to use her disabled parking pass ("What if I parked out someone who really needed it?") walking long distances is not her favourite pasttime, particularly as she has to shuffle-run to keep up with most people.

Lumbering Ike, however, somehow manages to make his slowed pace look natural, so she never feels like she's holding him back.

Ten minutes later, they step out of the elevator, holding hands. The party is already in full swing. Henry from Accounts is already drunkenly swatting at Sasha from the Frontdesk, and a couple of the younger interns and runners are boogieing to some shitty hip hop.

What a coincidence. At least three of these had been giving Nancy funny looks after she'd been stuck in the supply room with Ike...

And oh look, what a shock, one of the Michelles (there were three that Nancy knew of), the one who seemed to specialise in giggling and wearing stupidly large hoops in her ears was currently unsubtly nudging her friends and pointing at the two of them.

With Ike's hand firmly in her own, Nancy pulls him over to the bar, and asks if he would be so kind as to order her a rum and coke.

The bartender overhears them and protests, "Sir, I can't serve alcohol to minors. It's against the law."

Ike grimaces, knowing that Nancy hates being mistaken for a kid even more than "santa's little helper" jokes, and quickly snaps out a reply before Nancy can.

"Sir, we would be happy to present both of our I.D.s though I assure you that we're both over the age of 18," he says, looking nervously at the hearty scowl on Nancy's face.

The bartender, obviously about to say something else stupid, leans over the bar to get a better look at Nancy then blanches.

"Oh Shit! I mean.. I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you lady, I just didn't look properly. No need to pull out your I.D. I can tell you're old... shit! I mean..."

At the sight of the bartender digging himself into an increasingly deeper hole, Nancy takes pity on him, and tells him (though she's never considered 42 to be that old,) to get her a rum and coke, and Ike a glass of red.

Ike drinks red because he thinks it makes him look refined. Nancy hasn't told him yet about the fact that he always manages to stain his teeth purple, a look that dims any sort of "snob points" Ike might gain from his chosen beverage.

Ike collects their drinks from the blushing bartender, and the two of them set up camp in a relatively private corner, chatting and toasting each other, the godawful music, the silly decorations, and the cake that they can both see on the other side of the room, with "Happy Birthday BS!" written on it in lurid pink icing.

"Something tells me that whoever organised the icing on that cake is going to get a dressing down," chortles Nancy. "Though this event really is B.S."

Ike smirks at her. "I thought you disapproved of people using acronyms instead of proper swears."

Nancy just shakes her head at him sadly. "Ike, why do you always feel the need to cut short my glory?" Ike suddenly bites his lip, obviously making an effort to not say something, and Nancy realises her unintentional pun. She applauds Ike's efforts.

"I'm glad to see that the training plan is working." Nancy laughs as Ike salutes her and bows, showing the slightly shiny top of his balding head.

Ike looks up, eyes squinting a little in the dim light. "Do I get a reward?" he jokes, as he absent-mindedly brushes an errant curl out of Nancy's face.

"Hah, nice try." As she looks around the crowded room, Nancy is amused to see that a number of the younger employees have paired off for "pashing sessions", including a few of the self-important kids who she would dearly love to take down a peg or seven, including at least two who have slipped up and called her "Shorty" or "the Dwarf" in front of her face.

She feels a nudge, and looks over to see Ike grinning. He knows her well enough now to know the expression she gets when she intends to do something inappropriate for her own amusement.

Nancy grins right back, then stands on her seat.

"Let's show these dumb kids how it's done."

She leans toward Ike, kisses him thoroughly, leans back.

His expression is slightly oafish as he smiles sunnily and Nancy can't help but snigger as he reaches forward and extracts her drink from her hand.

Carefully putting both their drinks beside his chair where they won't get kicked over, Ike pulls Nancy into his arms and kisses her soundly, messing up Nancy's arrangement of curls and showing the greys that her amateur hairdresser neighbour had missed when dying his womanfriend's hair.

Nancy grips Ike's shirt, causing the collar to ride down and display his dense, curling chest-hair as she attempts to keep her balance on the chair.

The kiss goes on for some time, and Ike has just started to use some tongue when Nancy hears some rather odd noises coming from the left.

Deciding to ignore it, Nancy smiles into the kiss, particularly as Ike has just started to grope her a little, despite the fact that lord knows her breasts aren't as firm as they used to be. She breaks away from his lips to kiss the spot beneath his hair-filled ear that always makes him twitch so deliciously, and she can feel Ike's hand snaking up her thigh...


The pair of them break apart, only now noticing that the lights have been turned up, the music has stopped... and pretty much the entire room is staring at them.

Unselfconsciously, Nancy looks around. She's unintimidated at being the centre of attention.

Actually, she's trying desperately hard to keep herself from bursting out laughing at the crowd's distinct resemblance to a school of stunned mullet.

Then she sees the absolutely wicked grin on Ike's face, promising that they are going to have some fun tonight, and she nearly loses it.

She waggles her eyebrows at him, musing that fuschia lipgloss seems to suit him, and he inclines his head regally, indicating that his thoughts are not to dissimilar to hers.

As one, they turn to the gaping crowd.