113Chapter Ten: What are we fighting for?
Garen
"Yeah, sure, whatever you want." I nodded, waving a hand of dismissal and not even properly listening to what Lena was saying – which was probably what earned me the slap I received at the back of my head from a rolled up newspaper.
"Ow, what'd you do that for?" I gaped at her, reaching up to the spot where she had hit me as she rolled her eyes.
"Garen, you spaced out for what – the billionth time already? Jesus. I even offered to take off my top and you didn't bat an eyelash." She shakes her head at me, "What is up with you today? Or were you really not kidding about me doing the whole project?" she peers at me and I run my hands through my hair and over my face.
"Sorry, I'm just a little...out of it." I sigh heavily and toss the pen I'd been fiddling with for the past two hours or so down on the floor. I back up and lean against the couch, putting my head back on the seat as Lena exhales and stretches out her skinny jean-clad legs out from their previous crossed position.
"Well, why don't we just call it quits for today? We still have the rest of the week. I can come by tomorrow afternoon if you want." She shrugs and I just stare blankly at her. Getting on with her or not, I'd really rather not spend any more time with her than I have to, "Or I can just set us different things to do?" she rectifies and I smile at her to which she rolls her eyes again and then grabs a spare bit of paper, writing down a list of things we still have to do.
I glance down at our history presentation, frowning at the sparseness of it. Fuck history projects.
"I wish Garen, I wish." Lena says distractedly and I realize I must have said it out loud. I blow out a breath of air in annoyance before glancing over Lena's shoulder at the list. Well, that doesn't look too bad. Translation: kill me now. "Okay!" she says, sticking her pen behind her ear and glancing down at her pad. "Well, you can do the report and the timeline then." She says after a moment of scrutinizing. I glance at her aghast. She sees me and rolls her eyes. "The timeline will only take five minutes and the report is easy!"
"Liar!"
"You'll get it done."
"I will not, that's unfair. What are you doing?" I accuse.
"I'm doing the other stuff...you know, getting some pictures..." she trails off, raising an eyebrow at me. I narrow my eyes at her.
"Let me see the pad." I demand, holding out my hand and she just smirks before jumping up, waggling her eyebrows at me. "Lena!" I groan as I get up but she just giggles and dances away. "Look who's trying to avoid work now!" I taunt as I begin chasing her around the living room and kitchen. I eventually catch her though and we wrestle for a bit with her squealing beneath me and scrabbling to get away.
"Oh no, you don't!" I grin at her but the sharp sound of something scraping and a thump has me off of her in a flash. I'm sure my eyes are wide and I sweep my gaze over the living room, note the mess and most of all, Lena herself adjusting her shirt and hair. She cocks her head at me curiously and I noticeably swallow before creeping out towards the entrance. I immediately see my twin staring at me and he breaks out into this gorgeous smile that makes my stomach flip. My heart thumps loudly in my chest and I resist the urge to glance back at Lena.
"Hey." He says, walking close to me. I swallow again, trying to answer back casually but my words get stuck in my throat. Okay, so it's not that big of a deal, really. I mean come on, it's just Lena and we're not going out or anything so why do I feel like I have to hide her? I don't, really. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever that Cadyn would flip his lid upon seeing my cheating ex-girlfriend in our living room which also happens to be a huge mess.
You know, except for the fact that Cadyn hates mess and hates Lena even more. But that isn't such a big deal. Yes, Garen, keep telling yourself that and maybe pigs will turn purple and fly.
"Garen, I'm sorry. I am so sorry and I want to tell you that I –" he stops suddenly, eyes widening as he transfers his pretty gray eyes to the floor. Fuck, I don't know whether to be thankful now that Lena has stopped him from saying and probably doing what he wanted to say and do or to try and run screaming out of the house and hope to god this was all a bad dream because really – could I be anymore stuck right now? Of course, I could always just wish for a hole to open up in the ground and swallow me. But that isn't really working out.
"Um, hi there...Cadyn, I guess it's been a while, huh?" Lena says from behind me, almost sheepish-like. There is a pregnant pause in the living room and you can just taste the insults he wants to throw at Lena and even more, the questions to me. His posture is tense, stiff and looking at his hurt expression makes me really wish even more for that hole. But suddenly, he relaxes, body sagging and shockingly, an easy smile slips onto his face. Now I'm just confused; am I in a dream or should I be having a heart attack now?
"Yeah. Sorry, Garen didn't tell me he had someone over otherwise I would have just stayed out of the way." He looks at me and I suddenly realize he's angry and right now, he's jabbing at me. I frown because technically, if he hadn't just seen Lena he probably would have stupidly blurted out whatever it was, and I'm pretty sure it had something to do with the way he'd been acting as of late, thus revealing this entire...thing between us. I smile patronizingly back at him, cocking my head to the side.
"I guess it must have slipped my mind seeing as how you were in such a rush to get out of the house to your study session that you actually forgot your books." I emphasize the last part, feeling triumphant as he falters but then fire reignites in his eyes.
"Hey, I'm not the one hanging out with a cheating slut of an ex-girlfriend!" he yells at me before storming up the stairs like a five-year-old who has been refused their favourite ice cream, not even deigning Lena with a glance.
"Garen, I think I'm going to go now." Lena says meekly from behind, startling me. I look into the living room as she begins tidying her stuff, blonde hair hanging over her face like a curtain and hiding her expression. I hurry over, grabbing a few papers and shoving them into books.
"Yeah, yeah. Look, I'm sorry. I don't know what has gotten into him today. He doesn't mean it, really." I babble on excuses for Cadyn's behaviour but Lena shakes her head, putting her hand on my arm and kneeling next to me, blue eyes wide.
"Chill, it's alright, Gar. Don't worry about me." She smiles before giving me a quick peck on the cheek and standing up, "I'll see you on Monday." And with a flick of her blonde hair, she leaves, closing the door quietly behind her with a definitive click. As soon as that click resounds, I'm up and storming right up after my twin, barging straight into his room without knocking and catching him in only his boxers but I pay no heed to that.
"What the fuck was that?" I glare at him and he whirls, floppy hair flying to frame his face.
"Ever heard of knocking?" he says icily. I clench my fists.
"What is wrong with you?!"
"What is wrong with me?! Are you kidding? More like what is wrong with you and your girlfriend!" he spat at me.
"Cadyn, there is nothing going on between me and her! We're just doing a project! I forgot to tell you because as I said, you were in such a rush to get out and away from me just like you've been doing these past few days!" I yell back at him, snarling as I take a step closer.
"I –" he falters a little before pressing his lips into a thin line and marching right up close to me, "Haven't you forgotten she cheated on you? Haven't you forgotten what a conniving little liar she is? Haven't you forgotten..." he struggles to say the last bit before giving up. It doesn't matter; I know what he means anyway.
"So she lies – isn't that what you've been doing to me?" I tell Cadyn coldly and he narrows his eyes before averting his gaze to the floor. He doesn't say anything and that makes me so mad that my arms shoot out from where I'd crossed them over my chest to his shoulders, shaking him a little. "Tell me, Cadyn, right now. I get you have things you don't want to tell me and I can respect that but lying to me? Where did that come from? Why did you tell me you were out working on some thing when you weren't? Where were you? Who were you with? Jan?" My tone becomes desperate as I try forcing him to look me in the eye, questions spewing out of my mouth like some uncontrollable verbal diarrhoea. He closes his eyes, turning his head. He still doesn't say anything. I stare at the long curtain of his fringe that obscures his face from my vision. I sigh, "I'm sorry about Lena, okay? But you have to believe me, to trust that there is nothing going on between us. It really is just a school project. You told me to trust you and...and I do but now, I need you to trust me because I –" I stop myself, shaking my head, "I just couldn't do that to you. And I really did forget to tell you...not that it mattered much anyway seeing as how you forgot to tell me the real reason of where you really were." I say the last bit bitterly, releasing my twin and sinking down on his bed, running a hand through my hair. A long pause stretches out between us, Cadyn still unmoving.
"Why do we fight all the time, Garen?" he whispers finally, turning around. His gray eyes gleam in the darkness with a liquid sheen and I lick my lips.
"I don't know." I hang my head. Why, indeed? It seems as if everything just conflicts in the worst way possible, turning us against each other. Are we just not as compatible as we thought? Maybe...maybe it's a sign or something. Because this is wrong and...and this is just proof of how wrong it is, why people don't do it.
"I'm sorry Garen, for starting the fights and also for lying to you. I shouldn't have done that." Cadyn finally makes his way over and sits next to me. I notice he is rapidly blinking, "But I can't tell you." At that, I nearly explode all over again and actually stand up but a hand curling around my wrist, yanking forcefully stops me before my mouth can even continue with the verbal diarrhoea it seems to have adopted. "I can't tell you, because you'll hate me." I sit back down.
"No, I won't."
"Trust me on this."
"No. Trust me." He bites his lip before letting out his breath in a long, defeated sigh.
"I went out with Derek." His grip tightens and I bite my tongue, "Jan had a date and she was still really hung up about Derek and all. She pushed me into going out with him. I said no. But after our last argument, I got so mad that when I stormed off, I ended up calling him and agreeing to a date." He looks at me here, clear, pewter gray eyes imploring, "It was stupid of me and heck; I don't even know why I did it. Spite, maybe? I don't know. I later realized how stupid I was and I was ashamed of that. So, I started to avoid you. And when we got there, I wished more than ever that I wasn't on this date. Because...because it wasn't with you. I couldn't help but feel like crap for the way I treated you and for going out with Derek tonight and you have every right to be mad at me but please, please don't." He whispers the last part, dropping his grip into his lap where he starts to twist and fidget.
I am at a loss for words – torn in a swirling myriad of emotions. Was it anger at Derek for taking my brother out in a way I could never? Maybe anger at Cadyn for agreeing to it and then lying about it? Jealousy? Hurt that Cadyn would do something like that? My hands clenched and unclenched.
"A-and it's not Derek's fault. So d-don't be mad at him either, please Garen. I mean w-we didn't kiss, or anything, I swear. It was just a movie and – and he's a really nice guy, you know. We talked a lot and Garen, you h-have to believe me. I would never see Derek as anything more than a friend. Really; he doesn't mean any harm and –" I swiftly cut Cadyn off by pressing my lips to his.
I kiss him hotly, fire coursing through my veins, pumping my blood in a hot rush of adrenalin. I let my anger, my jealousy, everything, fuel the kiss. It's so forceful and not at all sweet and gentle, just passionately angry and Cadyn responds to it almost immediately, mewling and moaning in my mouth as I roughly press him against me, hands running confidently up and down his porcelain skin. He falls back on the bed, forcing us to break the kiss, but it's only a second before I'm back on him, reclaiming his mouth in a mix of desperation and clashing of teeth. I then move my lips to his neck, sucking on the soft skin and nipping at it with little lightness, knowing it will leave a mark tomorrow. He doesn't seem to care, just moans beneath me. The sound is so delicious it makes me shiver but I don't stop to look at his face, at the emotions flitting across like fickle butterflies. I just continue kissing him all the way down his chest, his gasps echoing in my ears like a looping soundtrack that I could probably listen to forever if I got the chance. I let my fingers dance freely over his hips, his waist, tickling him at the hem of his boxers before once again, kissing him on his soft lips and redirecting my hands to his hair. When I finally pull back, he looks beautiful, red mouth gasping and an ironically innocent-looking flush staining his cheeks, large silver eyes staring at me in a daze. It hurts. I get off of him and leave, closing the door behind me. He doesn't follow.
"Hey, don't forget to put those paints back and wash out the palette, okay? The last person didn't even bother and let me tell you, cleaning out crusted paint is a real bitch sometimes. So, I want those palettes spotless, you hear me? And don't forget to lock up either." An unfamiliar voice floated out from the stairwell and I pulled my hoodie lower over my eyes, slouching down a little more as thumping footsteps followed; the blonde breaking out from the dinginess of the building onto the street. She barely spared me a glance as she looked around before heading off to the left, a coat over her arm and ponytail bobbing, hair catching the sunlight as it bounced off of windows into the squalidness of the area. I watched as she rounded the next corner before making my way up the stairs and to the door on the left. The dark red paint on it was peeling, matching the dingy, dirty walls. I was dubious about this – it looked more like the entrance to some abandoned apartment rather than an art studio. Still, I tried the handle and it turned easily in my hand. I peeked through the gap around, eyes widening.
It was huge. Dark gray linoleum covered the floors whilst stylishly colourful walls stretching up about half a floor extra accommodated large windows through which you could practically see the streaming rays of sunlight, casting the entire studio in a soft, golden glow. Canvases littered the area – some blank whilst others were painted.
"Wow." I breathed out, a little too loud too, as it seemed to carry over to the bobbing sandy head I saw tucked away amidst the mess of artwork, echoing so he looked up. He ducked back down then emerged mysteriously between two canvases. He gave me a confused, wary smile as he approached; wiping his hands on a dirty rag that had probably once seen better days.
"Garen? I thought...Cadyn...?" he cocked his head to the side, studying me. I didn't like that. I let myself in and when he was close enough, I punched him.
"Fuck!" he yelped, hand flying to his eye where he would probably have a bruise, "The fuck you do that for man?" he looked at me with wide, confused eyes. I almost felt guilty but thinking about Cadyn, my hands clenched at my sides.
"Stay away from my brother, okay?" I meant for it to come out harsh, cold but it came out as pleading as the little 'okay?' at the end slipped out. I felt like kicking myself as Derek stared at me.
"I didn't do anything to him!" he told me, then winced, "look, dude, if it's about the flirting and stuff, I was only messing, joking around you know? And yesterday, it wasn't a date – it was just us hanging out as friends. Cay even said so himself." At the little...nickname, he'd given Cadyn I almost wanted to punch him again but I restrained myself, watching instead as he loped over to a whole row of sinks that decorated nearly half of one wall, "I'm sorry man, I didn't know you were against Cadyn and...guys."
"I'm not against it." I say quickly and Derek stops, turning to look at me with one pacific blue eye, the other one swelling slightly. I winced at that and before I could stop myself, crossed over to where he was leaning into the sinks. "I think you probably will need an ice-pack." I say after examining it a little, having already lead him to sit down on one of the nearby stools.
"No shit, Sherlock." He says sarcastically. I heave a sigh.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to punch you or anything, I promised myself I wouldn't. I just wanted to talk."
"And you wanted to that by coming down here under the guise of your twin again? No offence, but I'm beginning to think you have a serious identity complex." I glared at him.
"Well, I don't know, it was just easier. Besides, if it were me you probably wouldn't have been all too receptive. And I understand that." I added at the end before he could say something about me having an identity crisis or something again.
"Mm, probably." He shrugged. "But you know, isn't it that you're supposed to be the protective older brother of your sister, not so much your twin?" he prodded at me, looking curiously as he accepted the miraculously white, clean towel I'd managed to find and soak in cold water.
"I can still be protective of my twin!" I said defensively, causing Derek to hold his hands up in surrender before relaxing and placing the towel over his eye.
"Okay, okay, chill." He said, picking at a spot on his paint-splattered jeans. An awkward silence stretches out between us and I shuffle my feet. This was so not part of the plan. The plan was originally to come down here and talk to Derek and basically tell him to stay away from Cadyn. Not punch him, tell him to stay away, and then try to help him. "You're really lucky, you know." Derek suddenly interrupts the silence and my thoughts. I raise an eyebrow in surprise, "Cay's a good guy and I wouldn't dream of hurting him. Not that he thinks of me in that way anyway." I can't help the little cheer my heart does in my chest at that and bite the inside of my cheek to stop a stupid smile from spreading across my face. Not appropriate in this situation. "But you know...maybe Cadyn can take care of himself sometimes. No, hear me out, really. He's really something and I can see how much you care about Cadyn and that's impressive, really. Both of you are lucky to have each other." He looks at me here and I incline my head slightly, lips parting. Does he...know? "Anyway! I better get back to work – art doesn't paint itself you know!" his tone reverts back to joviality which does not help my confusion in the slightest. He grins at me before getting up, placing his towel on the side. Okay so...Derek is bipolar.
"You're an artist?" I blurt out. I mentally smack myself in the head. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Derek raises the eyebrow of his good eye before nodding with a slightly incredulous yet amused expression on his face, gesturing with one of his hands around the art studio. "Um, stupid question." I mumble nervously.
"Want to take a look?" He asks. I'm surprised but nod anyway, following him as he leads me through the maze of canvases. We soon come upon it, a gorgeous picture of a dark figure sitting on a hill as an array of colours – either indicating sunset or sunrise I wasn't sure – spilled out around it, coating the canvas in amber-gold, dusky red, jaunty yellow, hinting orange. In the distance of the piece, I deciphered the little blocks to be buildings.
"I know, seems kind of unrealistic to me too." I startle at Derek's voice behind me. He stands beside me, cocking his head and studying it with one good eye. I swallowed – Cadyn will totally murder me for doing that. Of course, I'm still mad at him. So it shouldn't matter...much.
"Um, I wasn't thinking that. It's good, really good. I mean, better than anything I could have done." I offer and he smiles.
"Thanks. Still need to do way more – might end up scrapping it even but Lindsey likes it a lot too." Derek shrugs, reaching out with his finger to brush over the little figure. I raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. We stayed like that for a little while and eventually, I started fidgeting, feeling uncomfortable having punched Derek and now having a moment of...mutual understanding? Easy silence? Or something? I felt like an intruder, looking at the way Derek was looking at the painting. Either way, my anger had already completely dissipated and now all I felt was guilt for doing that. I guess he's not so bad but...still...
"Well, I better get going. Uh, sorry about your eye." I rubbed the back of my neck and Derek chuckled.
"It's fine." He says, muttering the next bit so quietly that I'm not sure if I even heard right, "Happens all the time."
When I let myself out, I feel the stupidity of my actions gnawing at me and I growl in frustration, turning right to go home. Cadyn will definitely kill me, I'm sure of it. And if not Cadyn then I'm certain it will be Jan. I shake my head, wanting nothing more than to march right up to Cadyn's room, kiss him and then lay with him for the rest of the day. I think back to yesterday, to the fierce kisses we shared and the electricity that ran through my body so smoothly destructive. There was anger but there was also...something else. I'm so stupid; of course I can trust Cadyn. And if he says what I thought happened didn't happen then...I just have to go with it.
"Garen!" I hear my name being called out. I turn around, the scent of cherries riding on the air and am surprised, struggling to pull my wits together and direct a glare at the evil she-devil. "Miss me much?"
"Kelsey." I bite out her name. She grins knowingly at me.
i don't really like this chapter much - it feels out of place to me.
i know, an incredibly late update but summer's just been getting to my brain and turning it to goo, my computer keeps spazzing out and it's just so tiring and incredibly frustrating dealing with it, and finally i've just been thinking. a lot. about this story and i don't know, again, it might just be summer but my muse has just kind of deserted me at the moment so the next update, i will not lie, will probably be very late as well. i am NOT abandoning this story, just going to take some time to think about it more - everything about it. there are a lot of parts i dislike and actually cringe at and i don't know, it's interrupting my flow at the moment. i just feel kind of blah at the moment.
sorry everyone, really i am. i don't know where my energy has gone.
xo, effay.
calamity jane: i'm glad you liked the previous chapter - derek really is a good guy. strange, but good. don't worry, it does still have a bit i mean as you can see after reading this, more drama awaits. thank you so much for your review.