To think I had it all sometime

I think as reasoning clouds my mind

I've said it once, in recent times-

So many words, so little time

So many feelings to capture

In so few facetious lines

Maybe you see a passionate boy

Maybe you see a strung out toy

Maybe you see just a little too much

For me to consume in image's touch

Wish to smack you

Wish to hold you

So I may better fold

And scold you

Wishing so much has me wishing

For something real beyond my permissions

Something that would come all brilliant

To take this meadow and just kill it

I found a peaceful place and now

I laugh as fortune turns my brow

Laugh as words do slice my wrist

With dreams as edge, blade promises

Deliver me from this, my heaven

Make me evil, make me seven

So I may be just one above

The number saved for anti-love

Skewer me as I deserve

For feeling so much I deserve

To think that I would like preserved

Any feeling that is served

When I toss away all that I work for

At first fleeting fuck, stick pen in word whore

I dream of angels falling black

To sky turned gray in hell's attack

A pretty dream collapsed, destroyed

Because somewhere along, I got annoyed

Dragons, shadows in the sky

Cross-collide at midnight's eye

While burning rain seeps down in pain

To create cesspools with my brain

Til I am just the fucking same-

A selfish tool, locked up and tame

Hardly what you would call sane

If you can see it, feel this pain

Then bring the stakes, I'll bring the chain

We'll crucify all feeling as

The crows flee from the trees

They know, they hear, the whispering

The thoughts I dare not speak

Ravens, vultures, run away

Fly and fall, yes, watch them play

It is death, and it has spoken

It is breath, to me, when soaked in

So what if things here are unchanging

There's enough pain here to feel sane in

Instead of feeling like a demon

I'll walk along as if I'm dreaming

If it's what it takes to belong, fine

I'll burn the meadows, scorch the pines

Melt the sun with eye's dissection

That crooked gaze you find deflecting

I'll smother you, all who dare to look

With your souls and spirits, I shall cook

A cocktail sweet and sour, salty

So many flavors, it's exalting

Pass the wine, and pass the cheese

I'll have another goblet, please

Fuck the world and fuck all others

If I could I would kill all your mothers

So much disgust it has me grinning

So much trust, I must- I'm sinning