Chapter One

Magic. It was my miserable existence to perform novelties for children. Runny noses and dirty diapers all around! Kids. What kind of monster gave kids the ability to shriek?

Whatever, enough of my musing. I was paid for it, and money is money, right? Six hundred for two hours? On an offer? Sure, be right over. Just let me cut my wrists and give you something I don't have, eh?

Stupid, pompous, ignorant brats. That's what I'm surrounded by.

"Hey mister!"

I look at the insolent little booger-bag that this party is for and plaster on the fakest smile ever given.


If I could speak, the words he'd learn…

"I'm talking to you, mister!"

I know, you little shit. I know you're talking and so does half this material neighborhood. Not to mention the dozens of spirits clouding the place. God, if he exists, could probably hear you.

"Answer me!"

I shouldn't use my ability in this setting. Best just to let him go run and tell mommy and daddy that the weird guy with the magic won't speak to him.


Aw, shit. Here comes Queen Bitchface…

"What, my little baby boy?"

"He won't talk to me!" Out goes the lower lip and the crocodile tears...

"Is this true, sir?"

I nod.

"Why not?"

Cause you raised the most insignificant little fuck the world will ever know? Try that on for size. I just point to my throat and shake my head. Can't.

"Oh! I'm so sorry." Quick to retreat when your ego is wounded, now? She simply explains to the brat that I can't speak.

"Well, do a trick then!" I'm beggining to think he was a crack-baby.

I point to the sign that read "Tricks". Pick one. Please, for Chrissakes, pick a fire one. Those are so thrilling!

"That one!"

Damn, another Air Illusion. And a damn elephant at that. I sigh quietly, with my eyes closed to let them think I need to work up some mystical energy and say some important fakir words. Oh we love the sarcasm.

I wave my hand and mumble some gibberish and an elephant appears. The kid shrieks at the top of his lungs and cowers behind the Queen Slut's skirt.

I snap my fingers and it dissappates.

Several minutes and forty shit tricks later, I'm loaded with cash and am picking up my props, because that's all they are, and loading my car for the fastest damn getaway in recorded history. I slam the door a little too hard, and turn around.

I see two eyes, one green and one blue. The King Ass. I nod to him and begin to move to the front of my car to drive off. He blocks my path. I raise my eyebrows.

"You can talk."

I smille and shake my head.

"Drop the shit, magician. Tell me why you wouldn't speak to my kid!"

Aw, hell. Time to use a bit of power. I project my thoughts a little too loud.


He winces and stumbles backwards, eyes wide and mouth opening and closing like a fish.

Now let me be on my way. Preferrably before I have to make those little shit tricks look like childs play!

He nods and for once, shuts his face. "I'm sorry, sir."

Uh-huh. Whatever. I smile, narrow my eyes to convey a bit of warning and drive away.

I get on the highway, heading home, and the fuzzes lights and sirens go off behind me. I pull over.

The piggy gets out of his little iron house and waddles his way over to me, grinning. He taps on the window and I roll it down. He stinks of coffee and sweat.

"Lisence and proof of insurance, please."

I hand it over and he checks it.

"I've heard of you. You're that mute magician, right?"

I nod.

"Good." Before I can react, his gun is in my face and his FBI badge is on my steering wheel. Damn.

"Out of the car, hands up!"

Hands up? Okee-dokee...

I step out and summon two bolts of lightning from a cloudless sky, striking him dead. No way the gov.'s gonna get a hold of me and use me like that. I jump in my car and blaze away to the abandoned warehouse that made up my home.

Laughing like a maniac the entire way. Only to stop as I pull in and see about fifty SWAT and FBI cars surrounding the place. I flick my finger and the cars are swiped to the side before they can get out.

A volley of gunfire from the rooftops destroys my car and sets me into high gear. I summon fire from the air and use it to explode the rounds in their hands. They fall dead and silent. I'm running high, with the power coursing through me. I look at a cop who is yelling at me to stop and lower my hands. I do, but I have a trick up my sleevce he won't see coming.

I look at him and use my "other" ability.

Put the gun in your mouth and pull the trigger, little piggy.

BAM! One down and several hundred to go. I don't see the taser till it fells me like a stone. I blink and shake it off, absorbing the electricity and forming it into an energy balista in my hand, which I hurl at the tanks of gas stored by my front door, just for this sort of case. The eruption of TNT and Petrol is deafening. Bodies everywhere, fire raining down from the sky. I duck under an awning, for though tasers can't hurt me, fire still kills. So do bullets, but these idiots couldn't hit the broad side of the Great Wall of China.

I run to my warehouse and start up the Mustang, use a little wind to destroy the building and drive off. Another getaway, another day of freedom.