A/N: Apologies in advance for the porn. Lot of porn. Poorly written porn. Better plot next chapter. I hope. -GiP
The library is quiet, or as quiet as one could expect it to be when filled with a dozen detention stricken students trying their best not to loose their minds to boredom. I'm chewing on the end of a pen rather violently, half afraid it'll start leaking ink into my mouth but mostly concerned with keeping my mouth busy so it doesn't go running off the handle.
"Kate?-"
"Hush-ush-ush-sh" I mutter around the pen at Lynn, waving a hand frantically in her direction. I'm still trying to process what's she continues to tell me. I'm pissed. I'm pissed. But the more she swears the harder it is to keep my anger alerts on high.
"So just like that, you want to be an ally." I look over at her with what I hope is a withering stare but know is more like the look you'd get from an angry puppy who really really wants that piece of jerky you've got in your front pocket.
"It's not just that. If Todd-everyone-has such a problem with you. Being gay. Then, well, they've got a problem with me too, don't they?" Her hands are gripped tightly in her lap and her words are a whisper.
"Do they?" She looks up at me.
"If I want you, Kate, want to be with you, then it stands to reason that I'll want to be with other girls too, right?"
And that's an unfair low blow that makes something green and jealous writhe in my stomach. She's not just apologizing to me, begging my forgiveness. She's coming out.
Without thinking I reach over the over stuffed arm of the chair and grasp her hands, understanding and sympathy blotting out my anger and mistrust in a dangerous fashion. Her hands are clammy and I can feel them shake just a little and I know that I'm lost. Not just because of this girl but because in a way, she's just like me. She's realizing something Earth-shattering and completely terrifying. Something that may change her entire life.
"Are you-"
"If you ask me if 'I'm sure' I'm going to punch you in the throat."
"Fair enough." I concede. "It's hard. And it's scary. And it's not just a cool thing to do-oh god please tell me this isn't just a cool thing-" Her fist connects with my throat in a quick jab.
"Alright-sorry-" I wheeze out, rubbing at my throat with my free hand, but her fingers grasp tighter at my other.
"It is scary. And around here, with all of these conservative families and close minded assholes it's downright dangerous, but what's the point in hiding if it's just going to make you miserable in an entirely different way. I'd rather know who I am than play along and turn a blind eye. Every slur they throw at you, or anyone else for that matter, is just another slur that I feel. Just because I'd be invisible doesn't mean that it wouldn't sting just as much."
"So you're officially coming to the gay side." I joke, giving her a half cocked smile in an attempt to lighten the mood.
"Well-half to the gay side. I'd still like to climb Ryan Gosling like to tree-" She gives a short laugh. After a beat she meets my eyes, honesty laid open on her face and she nods. "Yea. I'm coming over to the gay side. I'm on your side."
I nod and slowly pull my hand back, shoving it into my jeans pocket.
"I know-hope- you're being honest, but it's gonna take time. More time for me to believe it. I can't just put myself out there again, thinking you're on the same page and-"
"I know. Kate, I know. All I'm asking is that you let me prove it."
"Alright." I sink back in my chair and kick my legs out in front of me. I'm exhausted. My hand hurts from connecting with a skull. My head hurts from running in circles. All I want to do is press my eyes shut and sleep until everything stops hurting.
"Why're you in here anyways?" I ask, rolling my head along the back of the couch to look over at her.
"Got caught skipping class." I nod.
The clock on the far side of the library tells me that we've still got another half an hour until the librarian lets us free. I fish my phone from my pocket and scroll through contacts to find someone to give me a ride home. I skip my parents all together, they're still busy at work and I'd rather not have to explain any of this to them right now, but I come to rest on another name. Janelle.
When Mrs. Mores finally released everyone from the library it was nearing dark and a deal cooler, leaves rustling along the concrete pathways. My head was spinning and couldn't seem to settle on a particular emotion. I was still angry, angry with Lynn and with stupid homophobic idiots and Todd for everything. Adrenaline was still pumping sluggishly through my veins, my hand now throbbing a bit, bright red bruises standing out on the knuckles. I was tired, mentally and physically and fuck I needed food. A lot of food.
As I left the library Lynn walked next to me, distanced just enough so as not to disturb me but still following as I rounded the Administration building and headed for the parking lot.
"Do you need a ride home or anything?" Lynn asked as I looked around the mostly empty parkinglot, devoid of both her ancient Volvo and the Cat-mobile.
"No-someone should be picking me up. Just don't know if they're-"
"Kate!"
I turn around and find Janelle rising from one of the perfectly painted benches near the front gates, her smile wide and warm and so familiar that it hurt.
"Hey you." I breathed out with a sigh of relief, something I thought I'd never again associate with Janelle, but there was.
"Whose pigtails did you pull this time babe?" She asked, laughing. In that moment she seemed so much older, so much wiser, and felt so much like 'home' that it sent my head into an entirely new spin.
"I-uh-well. I guess I broke a guys nose, which is apparently frowned upon in this place of higher education." I held up my bruised knuckles as evidence and Janelle took them carefully in one hand. The other hand, I didn't fail to notice, laid itself along my hip in a knowing and casual way.
"Score one for the Kate-Monster" she smiled and kissed my knuckles gently. "We'll have to ice these or else you'll be working solely South-Paw and I remember how shit you are with your left hand." Innocent words, but Janelle seemed to spin them in a dirty way so easily.
"Uh-I'll just head out then. I'll see you tomorrow." Lynn said, her piercing gaze still assessing Janelle and our obvious familiarity.
"Yea, I'll see you in class." I replied, confused as to the flare of comfort that was worming its way through her stomach from Janelle's careless actions. I couldn't fail to notice the guarded look of hurt as Lynn nodded and walked off to her car. A part of me wanted to explain, tell her that Janelle and I weren't anything anymore, but a more vocal part of me knew that I didn't exactly owe Lynn any type of explanation. That her previous declarations and promises were just words, just wind, and that for my own sake she needed to prove it.
My life has turned into the fiery pits of hell over the past week, so maybe a deserved a little bit of comfort. Something familiar. Something that proved things would get better.
Eventually.
"You ready?" Janelle asked and I nodded, letting my own hand play with the hem of Janelle's sweater before we turned toward her familiar car.
The ride back to my house was quiet, the radio playing to fill the potentially awkward silence. I chewed on her thumbnail as we neared my house, deep in thought.
"You know, I'm glad you called me. For a ride." Janelle said, parking in front of my house, engine still running. "I wanted a chance to talk to you. To apologize, really. The coffee shop. I was a little forward and that's not really how I-"
"Why don't you come inside?" I cut in. It was nearing dark but I could still see the surprise coloring Janelle's face as if she were trying to puzzle out what it was I was saying. "We could talk." I added. "Or not."
The front porch light was still off, meaning my parents were still out and no doubt my sister had barricaded herself in her room. All for the better. I barely had a chance to lock the door behind us before Janelle was on me, mouths crushing together in a familiarly frantic way.
There was that word again. Familiar. Janelle was just so familiar.
My hands came up to hold Janelle's face as I pressed in closer, backing us away from the front door and toward the hallway. I kissed back, mouth opening for the press on tongues and Janelle made a small whimpering noise in the back of her throat, her hands fisted in my shirt. We managed to bump into the couch, a small table, two walls and finally the door to my room. I pressed her up against the door, my hands sliding down her sides and up under her sweater as I licked into her mouth then worked my way down her neck, biting at the tendon as Janelle's head thumped back against the door.
"Jesus fuck Kate" she said, one hand wound in my hair, the other still pulling at my shirt. "Open the damn door already." I smiled into the crook of her neck and fumbled for the door handle, sending us spilling backward into the dark room. I kicked the door shut and toed my shoes off as I pulled at Janelle's sweater.
"Goddamnit-will this thing just-" I muttered to herself as I managed to tangle the top around Janelle's breasts and my hands. Janelle just laughed and managed to pull it and her shirt up over her head, tossing them behind her. Without hesitation she popped the button on her jeans and peeled herself out of them, leaving them on the floor with her sweater and I had to take a moment to just look at her.
She was familiar, yes, but no less sexy. Possibly even more so than the last time she saw her, the last time they did this. She's a good deal smaller than me, shorter by a few inches but curvy. Large breasts pressing against the thin fabric of her bra, a small waist that flared out into wide hips and strong, shapely legs. I could remember loosing myself for hours in Janelle's body, and all I wanted was to fall into it and loose myself all over again. Forget all of the shit and just feel something other than frustration and anger and pain.
"Well? You gonna just stand there and jerk yourself off?"
I cocked her an easy side grin and slowly took a few steps forward, closing the distance between us and wrapping my hands around Janelle's waist.
"You know, it's been awhile Janelle. I wonder if you still get as wet as you used to," I took a few steps forward, crowding Janelle back against my desk, breathing right into her ear. "Or if you taste the same." Grabbing at Janelle's thighs, I shoved her up onto the desk, pressing her knees open as one hand dipped between them to rub at the damp fabric of her underwear. "Do you still make the same noises when you come?" I asked into Janelle's neck and I felt her shudder. Felt it. Janelle grabbed my face and moved it so she could kiss me, open and filthy and fucking fantastic.
"God I missed you" she said, rutting upward against my hand, her legs spreading even wider as she searched for more friction. I didn't want to hear that though. Those were the last things I wanted to hear, or to think about, so I kissed her again, hard and demanding, just to keep those words from spilling out. I pulled at the straps of her bra, pulling it down enough for her breasts to fall out and just as soon my mouth was on them.
Janelle was unbelievably responsive, breathy moans stuttering out as I mouthed at her nipples, scraping my teeth against the buds until they were unbelievably hard. I was loosing myself, just like I wanted, in the swell of her breasts, the dip of her stomach, the strength of her thighs as they pressed in closer around my hips. My fingers curled around the elastic of her underwear and tugged as I sucked on a nipple, hard enough to bruise. Janelle nearly sobbed, hand wound in my hair pulling me even closer.
"God-Don't stop. Don't fucking stop."
I smiled and dropped to my knees.
I pulled Janelle toward the edge of the desk and pressed in between her legs, mouthing at her. This time Janelle really did sob, legs spreading wide as she struggled to keep herself upright on the desk. I licked at her, tongue pressing into her as far as it could before circling her clit and sucking. She did taste the same, salty and earthy and absolutely filthy in the best way. I smiled into her and bit at the inside of a thigh, sucking a dark bruise before doing my best to fuck her with my tongue. Janelle's hips writhed on the desk and she let out a steady stream of whimpers. I looked up to see her palming her own breasts and staring down at where I was eating her with fervor.
Janelle reached down for one of my hands and brought it to her mouth, taking three fingers between her teeth and sucking, tonguing the webbing and pads of each before letting them pop from between her lips. I could take a hint. Using two of the damp fingers I pressed into her, mouth sealed around her clit as my tongue flicked against it. She was hot and sopping wet and two fingers slid in easy as pie. Janelle's head thumped back against the wall as she let out a string of 'Oh my God-Oh my God-Oh my God' and I pressed in a third finger.
Janelle was shaking and when I bent my knuckles and pressed in and her mouth fell open. She nodded frantically as I sucked and licked and screwed in with a merciless pace and it only took a few more moments, a dozen thrusts as most before Janelle fluttered around my fingers, her body seeming to shake apart before tensing and a choked out sob falling from her mouth. I continued through until Janelle shoved me backward my the head with a laugh, sliding from the desk and following me to the floor.
Soon we were both naked, my clothes in one pile and Janelle's in another. We were on the floor, me on me back with Janelle straddling my hips. Janelle pressed three fingers into me while I pressed four up into Janelle. She rode my fingers with a new found enthusiasm while I fucked downward onto hers. I was slick with sweat and couldn't tell you the first thing about what had happened over the past two weeks and it was absolute bliss.
I remembered nothing. I knew nothing aside from the way Janelle felt around my hand as she rode it, kissing me open mouthed with as much tongue and teeth as lip. The exact timber of Janelle's voice.
"Fuck me-oh my God fuck me-fuck me Kate. Jesus."
Janelle came for the second time, shoving herself down on my hand all the way past the third knuckle, her body bowing beautifully, eyes slammed shut and lips apart. I followed only moments later, seeing black as my own body tensed and shuttered.
On top of me Janelle was a warm, sweaty mess. Her forehead pressed against my sternum, her body moving slightly in giddy laughter.
"That was fun." Janelle said after a few moments of silence, both of us working on catching our breath.
"What am I? A carnival ride?" I asked and we both laughed, Janelle's arms snaking their way around my neck as I held her close.
"No, but Jesus Christ you're a fucking furnace" Janelle said, snuggling closer. "Seriously, it's like you're on fire."
"Is that your way of telling me I'm hot?"
"Hardy har har. Smartass."
"I know you are but what am I?"
Janelle smacked my shoulder.
"You're such a little shit."
"A fun little shit."
"Yea. A fun little shit."
We lay there in silence again, the dark even darker now that the sun had gone down.
I felt better. This hadn't solved anything. Hadn't given me any Earth shattering revelations. Chances were I'd actually regret this in a few hours, but for now I felt better. Sure, things were shit. I'd had my car bashed in, been threatened, suffered humiliation. Hell, my knuckles still hurt, but I felt better. Sex was awesome. Endorphins were awesome. And in the middle of this shit storm something else awesome had happened. Not just the sex, or the endorphins thanks to sex; not that I didn't appreciate those on their own. I'd had a human connection. An hour of fun with someone else that, when all was said and done, reminded me that shit happens, but so do good things.
Sure, I might regret this one particular good thing in a few hours, but for now I'd roll with it. I'd lay there with Janelle, someone sexy and familiar and fun, and I'd forget the shitty ass world outside my door and enjoy, just for a little while longer, something good.
One long shower, two microwaveable pizzas, four Coke's and a giant bowl of ice cream later we sat on the couch in the living room watching Food Network while I painted Janelle's toes in an array of shitty glitter colors stolen from my litter sisters bathroom.
My parents had come and gone, pausing long enough to say their courteous 'Hello's to Janelle while simultaneously giving me curious looks. I hadn't been very vocal about the break up when it happened, but they'd picked up on it even then.
"You know, I'm not going to be able to wear sandals with toes that look like this" she said, wiggling her toes where they lay in my lap.
"It's fall. Why the fuck are you going to be wearing sandals anyway?" She shrugged.
"Listen Kate, we should probably talk-"
"Nah-uh-uh. No. No we shouldn't. No talking." She scowled at me.
"Seriously. We need to-"
"I really don't think we do. Not now at least." Janelle gave me a puzzled look, her hair falling in waves around her face from air drying. She leaned her head against the back of the couch, looking at me in a way I couldn't really seem to stomach.
"You're looking at me like I'm a three legged puppy. Stop that."
"You're really not doing so hot, are you?" Her tone was serious. A level of serious I'd only heard a handful of times before. A tone that said she really cared.
"What gave you that impression." I asked, pointedly avoiding her gaze as I focused on painting another toe a hideous shade of orange with big red sparkles.
"Kate."
"What."
"Kate. Seriously. Look at me." I huffed. I felt like a child, caught drawing on the walls in crayon. Cautiously I looked over at her. That was my first mistake.
Her eyes were big and blue and full of concern, face half illuminated my the television. She was beautiful. Far too beautiful, and here she was, looking at me as if I were a burn victim, or a starving child with a swollen belly.
"Shit sucks, but it's gonna be ok."
It wasn't much, but then again it was more than anyone had said to me so far, and coming form Janelle it seemed to hit even harder. She knew me, she saw who I was, and here she was telling me things would be ok. I wanted to believe her. I felt my lungs contract and the air I was sucking in seemed to be so much thinner. For a moment, I felt as if I was going to cry. I shook my head as if trying to shake her words away, letting out a deep breath in an effort to hold back an embarrassing flood of emotions, but Janelle knew. I could tell. All she had to do was look at me to know what I was feeling.
"Fuck you." I said, trying to smile.
"Isn't that what you just did?" She laughed and scooted down the couch toward me, her knees hooked over my lap as she pressed her face into my shoulder. I held her close and she watched the Iron Chef with a new level of attention, pretending not to notice my choked breaths or quickly drying tears.