If I can just get him to hate me - forget me, then maybe he'll finally leave me alone.
It hurts to hurt him like this, but I've finally come to realize that this relationship simply cannot go on. I can't take him being my lover one day, and then being an abusive bastard the next. I can't take having my heart finally start to mend and then having it suddenly get ripped out again. I can't take it anymore, I just can't!
Besides, I love someone else.
"Goddamn it, haven't you been listening? I don't care about you. You're nothing to me, nothing! Just stay the fuck away from me so I can get on with my bloody life!" I shouted, wrenching myself away from his grip. I was just so sick of standing out here in the freezing rain, holding a bag of soaked mushrooms and arguing with my obsessive ex-boyfriend - yet again! All I wanted to do do was go home, curl up on my bed and cry myself to sleep, and the only way to do that was to get James out of my face. So I resorted to the only thing that had ever worked with him: anger and abuse.
"So that's how you really felt?" He asked me in a suddenly soft, almost inaudible voice. I looked up, expecting to see his heart broken before my eyes, but found that he wasn't hurt at all. Just angry. Really, really angry. "Fine," he said, voice rising. "I'll leave you alone. Go ahead then, live your life without me." He leaned in closer and lowered his voice again, "Just - promise me one thing. Look out for yourself; you never know what accidents might happen." With that, he turned and stalked off.
I watched him walk away; what would've been relief had turned to icy terror at his final departure. I'd known James for a long time, and he was definitely a very dangerous man. He always meant what he said, and his warnings should never be taken lightly. With a sigh, I turned and started trudging home.
By the time I got inside, I was well and truly drenched with old rainwater. I put my groceries onto the table, calmly stepped into the shower, and then proceeded to have a massive break down. After two hissy fits and three broken mugs, I curled up on my couch with my loving chocolates, and got ready for some serious moping.
I'm running, he won't leave me alone, he won't go away. I try to scream, but nobody can hear me, the room is dark, I can't see, I can't speak. The drugs are kicking in, messing with my mind. He's gaining, and I'm slowing down. The walls are spinning; the entire world is against my survival. He slams into me, shoving me down, trying to break me, trying to -
"Ouch! Geroff me, you spaz, geroff!" A muffled and vaguely familiar voice came from somewhere near my bottom. Eh? What on earth was going on here? Why was the room so dark? Why was I on the floor? And why was the floor thrashing and swearing at me?
Suddenly, my befuddled mind realized what was going on - Chris, my best friend, was lying on the floor next to me – or, I should say, under me. I rolled off of him, and he sat up, gasping for breath. I grinned sheepishly until he stopped glaring murderously at me.
"This is the thanks I get for putting you into bed and staying around to make sure you're alright? You try to kill me?! With you butt?!" He coughed, then added as an after-thought, "Although, I must say, you do have quite a soft ass," He leered at me sleazily, wiggling his eyebrows and already forgetting that he was supposed to be irritated. I shook my head and smirked back; we'd known each other for so long, I had expected him to say something along those lines the moment I'd understood what was going on.
As we smiled at each other, my eyes locked onto his, our voices subconsciously fading out until there was only silence. His vivid blue-green eyes bore into my dark brown ones, making me feel as if he could see right through me. I was just about to lean in when he broke the moment, loudly declaring that he needed to pee. He got up and left the room as I sank back, disappointment filling my very bones. I'd been so close, why hadn't I just told him? I crawled back onto my bed, feeling dejected.
One day, when all these problems with James were over, I would tell Chris that I loved him.
A/N: Hi guys! Okay, so I've finally broken out of my writer's block rut and tried to publish something at last :D
I hope you guys enjoy what I have so far - it's nowhere near perfect and I need all the help I can get, so please R&R! It would be so appreciated. Thanks to everyone who reads!