I remember catching bees in my yard like some screwed up game of dollhouse. I'd captor them in my plastic cups and plates and set them around until there was no more cups to fill. Sometimes I'd pride myself on putting two into one.

I never remember getting stung either. In fact the first time I was stung was when I was running to the porch of the house. It was almost dusk at the time and dinner was probably being set.

Moms says most of the time I'd forget about them and they'd die. But I don't remember doing that.

Sometimes I'll recall that little girl who played outside for hours and think... what happened to her? Because I've come across a truth. We get older, grow up, and we forget about the pure joy we used to emit over the smallest accomplishments. We forget how to see endless possibilities as long as the sun was still up. We forget to be simple...

We start to worry about our appearance, our intelligence, our lives. The things that take over our thoughts and turn us from naive imaginative children into scarred logical adults. Wading our ways through our futures to get to a place satisfactory enough to stop, take a seat, and die.

I can't say I'm much better, I never see the beauty in anything. Only the conclusion. High school sweethearts, yeah right. True love, overrated. I almost have a sarcastic remark for every comment thrown my way, and I never get attached to anyone.

But its times like this when I lean back and realize with an amused, if not bittersweet smirk. No matter what I become, no matter how much I succeed. I will never be as happy as that little girl counting how many bees she could catch before the sun went down. Because whether you comprehend it or not, true happiness is only offered to the ignorant, the naive, the innocent. And though some of those factors might apply to me now its not in the same way it would to that girl. You will NEVER feel bliss the way you once did, now that your eyes have opened to the truth. No matter how tight you close them... realty seeps in.

She is tainted now, and branded by this world.


I know I could make this a lot better, add some detail, take some out, switch some things around but I just can't see it now. Some day. I can feel it though. Like the words are in the air (my site has a similar qoute). I can breathe it in, see it dancing in the air like dust in front of a bright window but... I just can't read it yet.

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