I was born in a rich family.
Well, reasonably rich… My father brings home $200,000 a year. After taxes, that's $155,736.
Welcome to America.
The only thing is: I have 11 sisters.
So, if we divide up the money evenly, that's $11,124 per person per year or $30 a day… not including food, housing, clothing, and all of your other expenses.
I'm pretty good at math.
Not really, Google + calculator = win.
So… why do I have 11 sisters?
Well, my dad always has some crazy plan to save money. And he's trying to save money on condoms. Come on! You can buy a condom for a quarter! The next thing we know, mom gets pregnant again and he has another mouth to feed. Good job genius, you saved a quarter but you're now paying for the kid's clothing, food, cosmetics, and yea… for eighteen years. Brilliant! And you'd think that he'd start noticing after twelve kids…
Back to myself.
I'm 18 years old so I go to high school like any other kid, I do my homework… occasionally like any other kid, I have a cell phone like any other kid, I wear jeans like any other kid, and I'm addicted to Japanese Anime like any other kid. Yep, I'm pretty normal right?
I'm just a little uncomfortable around girls. It's occupational. 1 drama queen in your family is a nightmare. 11 drama queens… I'm sorry, there's no way I can explain it.
In any case, if you haven't figured it out yet; 18 means I'm a senior in high school and prom is coming right up.
So… I decided to start wearing contacts. I went down to the optometrist and bought a box of contacts the other day. Three months of contacts cost $60. Don't ask me where I got that money, but it wasn't anything shady or anything to do with selling drugs. No, really.
The only problem is: contacts are too damn hard to use!
I spent the last hour just trying to put the stupid contacts in. Every time my finger gets close to my eye, I can't help but to blink. Come on, it's a natural reflex. Whenever something gets close to your eye, you're supposed to blink to protect it.
And when I finally get the stupid thing in, my eyes are bloodshot from being touched too much.
So right, I get to take it out now. Great!
You know, contacts are harder to take out then to put in. If putting something on your eye sounds hard, try taking a thin slippery sheet of plastic that's shaped like a suction cup out of your eye. It is a damn suction cup. On top of that, your eyes are already bleeding from having to put the contact lens in.
Life is great.
My eyes are bleeding.
No seriously, I think I popped an artery. There is red spreading from the artery. Oh my god.
Naw, just kidding.
I'm just going to leave my contacts in and take them out later. They're really annoying, but it can't get any worse than this.
That's my 3rd oldest sister, Angela. Well, sort of. She's twins with Gracie so they are tied for third place. They are both 19 years old.
"Do you know where my shoes are?"
How the hell am I supposed to know where her shoes are? She only has like 7 pairs of shoes…
"Do you know which one I'm talking about?"
Angela comes into the living room.
Hopefully, she'll leave me alone.
"Which one am I talking about?"
Crap. She caught my bluff.
"Uh, the new shoes you just bought with the shoe laces and the pretty color."
Generic answer for the win.
"Bullshit, just for that, you're helping me find my shoes."
My eyes are bleeding. Just leave me alone, please.
"Maybe Michelle knows, you should ask her."
Michelle is the 5th sister. She's also 18 years old but still acts like a kid. She always "borrows" anything that looks remotely cute.
"You ask her, I'm not talking to her until she gives me back my bracelet."
Like I said, drama queen.
"Are you sure you want to say that?"
Oh man, she's getting really close. Her hands are getting to0 close to me. A drop of salty water touches the corner of my lip. I catch my hand shaking. I stick my hands under my armpits (cross my arms).
Uh. I need to get out of here fast.
"I'll check the front door."
I walk towards the door. Only a little too quickly. I open the door and bolt.
Calm. Breathe in Breathe out.
Damn it. At this rate, even if I do get a date for prom, I'd have to stand at least two feet away from her or I'll have a meltdown.
Angela has the attention span of a kindergartener, she'll forget about it after a while.
I'll just spend some time relaxing under the trees down the street.
My eyes are really bleeding.
Maybe I should go home and take them out.
Wait, I can't…
Life is great.
I lie down under the tree and start thinking about the ways I can get my stupid sister to shut up and leave me alone. Maybe if I gorged her eyes out.
"Hey~, did you wait long?"
Is that Catherine? She's talking to me? Oh my god. What should I say? Oh man, I'm starting to sweat a lot.
"Not really, how did it go?"
"Hah, really? I thought you said you were confident about driving rules."
"Yea, but that test was messed up, you got to hear this question!" "The maximun speed limit for ideal driving condition is: a. The speed of other vehicles traveling in your direction. b. The posted speed of the road or freeway you are using. c. Whatever speed you feel is safe for you and your vehicle."
Damn, I'm smooth. I'm really smooth, at this rate, maybe she'll go to prom with me~. Life is great~.
"a. The speed of other vehicles?"
"Wrong! See? You missed the same question I did.
"Jason, you have to agree: Thats retarded huh? If other cars are driving at 60 miles per hour and you are driving at 40 miles per hour, you are going to have an accident! Yet the correct answer is b!"
Wait a second, JASON?. That's not me. God damn it, that bastard is flirting with my girl!
"Haha. Generally, the trick is to go for the most obvious answer. Well... besides that question... haha."
I really want to gorge that bastard's eyes out and shove them in a blender.
"Jason, you're so funny. You should become a comedian."
Funny? His jokes suck.
I'm going home.
Life is great.