Cute sideways freckles on the nose,
Baby blue eyes constantly sparkling with laughter,
So close you can hear the breathing,
Yet so far away it becomes impossible to reach out.

Constant memories flood my mind,
But then he says he can't recall,
I should be so unhappy with those words,
Still, I smile at my own mistakes.

I'm so close to giving up,
But at the same time I'm too close to giving in,
And for all the empty syllables I give to everyone else,
I give him only the best of me,
Constantly reminding myself that I hate him,
He doesn't want all of me,
Just these little sprinklings,
And I'm not this sweet through and through,
I have a bitter aftertaste,
But I swoon again and again,
So out of place in my own skin.

I faintly remember this little irregular sensation,
Tingling deep down in my chest,
Mostly I remember how it ends,
The throbbing pain of gasping for air beside the water,
The empty space beside me on the sand,
The sting of the wind on my pond-wet self in mid-winter,
And the thoughts I had,
So harmful to myself because there was no-one else.

You'd think I've waited for you long enough,
Fucking myself over because there was nothing left to fall back on,
My usual philosophical outlook marred by the dull ache,
That sharp knife left in my back,
And this weak brittle girl was never me,
I was never the doe-eyed princess that needed rescuing,
I guess that was out whole problem though,
You wanted to play hero for something,
You needed me to need you,
I did.