2Now You're Gone
Death
That thing that gets us all in the end
The thing that ends it all
It takes life and ends it
And leave those left behind to suffer
The loss of someone with no warning
I knew you were dying only six hours before you did
Mum said you knew that we were there
Did you?
Thats the question
Did you?
It was so sudden
Six hours . . . No warning
Things were fine
I was happy
School went as normal
So did life
Till we were sat down and told
Then you got worse
And worse
And worse
And then we were called
Not by you
Or an Angel
By a nurse
You couldn't talk
You couldn't see
Your eyes were shut and would flicker
I couldn't stand to see you like this
I can't stand seeing her like this I said
We waited
And waited
And waited
For the end to come
The end
Then it came
At two minutes past midnight
We were tired
Numb
And tired
It was so much
We saw you die
Take your last breath
Your chest, becoming still as you died
The tears wanted to come
But I didn't let them
I couldn't
I try to stay strong
It's my perception of myself
I don't like to cry
Anywhere
Even when I'm alone
It's how I see weakness
I don't think you would have wanted me to cry anyway
I was so tired
I wanted to sleep
To shut my eyes and
Forget
But it doesn't work that way
You're always on my mind
Somewhere in there
Mum said you could hear us for two hours after you died
Or at least thats what she said
We could hear a pin drop and it sounded like to you a cannon
Thats what she thought
I don't know what to believe
I said to you before we left
Goodbye Grandma
And now I cry as I write this
Its been a long time since I remembered those words
Catherine says she knows what I said
I wish she didn't
It was between you and me
Not her
Then we left
I was the last person to say anything to you
Then we left
We went home
To the home
Where you brought up my mother and her sister
Now we live here
Our mother bringing us up
Even with out dad
But you always had Granddad
Bob he was called
I only knew him for two years
That I don't remember
You must do?
Right?
I knew you for sixteen years
Longer than what granddad said you would
But it was still good
A good few years
I went to sleep
I needed too
I was tired
I wanted sleep
I wanted to shut my eyes and drift off
Then I woke up again
Late for school
But that didn't mater
You were gone
I don't believe in heaven
I don't need to
Earth
This earth is
Because you were here
It's just death
That beyond
That place where it is just eternal sleep
You were Boadicea in this world
A strong woman
You were there for everyone
Why can't you be here for me?
I know its death
That you can't come back
But I want you too
We moped around for a while
Naturally
Then me and mum left to go get things from the rest home
Your things
But you don't need them
Do you?
Your clothes
Your handbag
Your glasses
They are sitting on your bed
Here at home
Like you'll come back to get them
But you're gone
Never to return
I got your quilt
The one I made for you
Do you remember it?
I was eleven when I made it
Quite an achievement
My squares were a little bit wonky
You didn't care
It was still warm
The home cleaned it
I didn't want them too
I took it while it was still wet and dried it myself
On the washing line
At home
Where you would have wanted it too
I then got pins
Scissors
Thread
A tape measure
A needle
And the sewing machine
And I split it
One half for me
And one half for you
Its in your coffin
Is it keeping you warm?
I knew it would
At the funeral
I talked about how you made cakes and was trying to teach me to ice a Christmas cake
With a spectacular disastrous result
It was ramblings
But they were good
I choose your music at the funeral
Boadicea for your strength
The Memory Of Trees because you were a tree . . . you gave love and support
China Roses because you liked roses
And On My Way Home because you were on your way home
To the cemetery
Where you could see the farm
The top of the hill
Mum said On My Way Home was the best choice
In the car
Behind the hearse
She said
Home . . . You're home mum
Or something like that
It still meant the same
Then you were put in the ground
I helped carry you to the plot
I placed you on the ropes
And then stepped back
The service went on
Then we put dirt on your coffin
As it was lowered into the ground
I wanted to cry
It sunk in
But I didn't
Then we talked for a while
With family
Like my other grandparents
They were there
Except for my dad
Who I wanted there
We went to the hall
The hall that has practically been there for forever
And ate and talked about you
My best friend was there
I'm glad she was
And we left
We came home
To that same house where you lived
And raised everyone
You were unlike other Grandmas
You were mine
I didn't see you that much
But it doesn't matter
And then you were in the ground
For eternity
Good Bye Grandma