1I feel like I'm drowning. It's a laughable thing really, how the world is so dark. Everywhere you look, there's a shade that hides the truth, those sunglasses covering a murderous glare, the creepy alleys shadowing the abuse, and even the locker rooms at school. The dark is so bright.
The first things I learned were rules. Mama and Papa would restrict me in any way possible. "Don't get dirty", "Don't eat that candy", "Don't you dare raise your voice young lady!" I have never had a mind of my own until I met him.
He said I was pretty. He complimented my pink lips. He said they look delicious and that he wants them. His words meant the world to me. His voice inspires the demon inside of me. My flowery blouse seems so lame, my khaki pants are disgusting, and that little scar I have on my face makes me look like dirt. He introduced me to another world I had never seen.
It's indescribable really what it actually is. Is it fear, anxiety, or confusion? Well of course there's a sensation of captivity but once it's here it seems like nothing.
Through my eyes he was beautiful. His stares are always so intent like it's me he desires and only me forever. I love his little upward grins, I don't know why but I just do. His little chuckles torch my body, soul, and mind. I just love him.
Mama said he's a bad person. But how does she know, she's just jealous I have a life. My friends are all over him, craving him like whores and that makes me feel even better. I enjoy their jealous frowns, their little criticisms, and the way they redden by his very presence. He always puts me before anything else, like he really cares. I think he really does love me, maybe that's why he still here. Those were the happiest days of my entire existence, maybe even too good to be true.
He seems to have no one, neither friends nor family, just really no one. I wonder about that, but who cares! I love him.
Sometimes he makes me feel precious, fragile, and beautiful. He lights up my world like the moon in the starless sky. But sometimes I feel worthless, I just don't know why. It might be his reactions. The little things I do annoy him. On some days he says I'm ugly. He'll touch me roughly at times. But he almost always apologizes in the end.
Today like many other days before we sit in his car, doing nothing. I can tell that he's not very happy. I can see the sign that today will not end well. But I'll still be here, how can I not. He needs me.
I can actually smell the tension in the air. I can feel the pain from the strength of his detestable glare. I can feel my heart tap dance. They're not pleasant sensations. But what are they compared to the excruciating pain to come…