A/n: i'm going through crap in my life right now, and this just came out. reflective of some things, maybe.
"We've come a long way," he said slowly, after drawing a long breath.
His counterpart was silent. There was nothing much left to be said between them, after all they had been through. Or was there?
"I'm weary," he started, in an attempt to get her to join the conversation.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly.
She did not answer.
"You won't forgive me," he got up.
"Maybe," she looked away.
He stopped in his tracks. "What do you mean," he said. It came out more of as a statement than a question.
"I don't know," she laughed. It was a biting one, and he cringed.
He sighed. "It doesn't matter any more, does it?" he hesitated, then added "You're not going to care any more."
She got up and he half expected her to walk towards him and embrace him, but instead, she merely walked away.
I look at her everyday. Not to mean that I'm a stalker, because I'm not. At least, I would like to think I'm not. Great, now I'm confused once again. And no, I'm not some kind of pervert. Or am I?
Anyway. She's in the class opposite mine. I see her all the time, I sit near the door and she walks past to get to the water cooler for a drink of water every now and then. Sometimes, she takes the same bus as me after school. I sit behind her and she never pays me any attention. I wonder where she's going all the time, she alights at my stop everytime.
I know she's in love with someone else. I've seen her with another guy before. Some guy who looks strangely familiar, perhaps we've been in the same class before. It hurts me each time I see them together, somehow she's always wearing that same, weary look on her face but yet she's smiling. I've often found myself telling myself that if I were with her, the smile on her face would be one of joy, happiness but I know that it's just a mere fantasy. Why would she be with me, someone she doesn't even know?
I've sat next to her during assembly in the hall before. Memories of her and me together fill my mind each time, but yet I know those memories exist only inside my head. Who am I to her? I laugh sardonically each time I think about it.
I've seen her cry once. She was alone, near the rooftop, at the top of the stairwell. I saw her through that crack in the door leading to the top of the stairwell, those tears running down her beautiful face. What I would've given just to be able to hold her in my arms and comfort her then, I don't know. Everything, I guess.
So close, yet so far. Sometimes I find myself skipping a class or two just to be able to see her. I wonder what she's thinking of as she sits at her desk in class, almost blank look on her face, eyes faraway, end tip of her pen against those soft-looking lips of hers.
She dropped her books climbing up the stairs once. Seeing her so flustered, I rushed forward to help her. The moment my hand touched hers, though it was so brief, so fleeting that up to now I wonder if it really happened, was electric. My hand burned from feeling her touch and some part of me ached inside. There was so much I wanted to tell her, but the magic was broken when I returned her her things and she said "Thank you" breathlessly.
I know I can't hold on like this any more, watching from afar, keeping all these inside. I need to forget, to let go, to stop being the foolish me and face reality. But what could I do? Nothing, nothing at all...
"Hey," I said, coming out of the shadows. Well, I saw everything but... It was an accident, really. I was just walking home from the convenience store and... There she was, with him.
She looked up at me, eyes filled with tears.
"I'm sorry," I stepped back, apologizing. "I shouldn't have, erm, I-"
"It's not your fault, so don't apologize," she wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, the way I thought she would.
Instinctively, I put my arms around her. "Um, it's all ok now, so..." I didn't really know what I was saying, all I wanted to do was to make her feel better...
She hesitated, then hugged me tight. "I'm sorry," she said softly, as if she knew what I was thinking, about my unrequited love for her, about everything. "I'm sorry..."
I wasn't sure what she meant, but nonetheless, I held her in my arms. "It's really ok, this is enough, really..."
"No, it's not, I... I'm sorry..."
A/n: review, if you like. thanks a million if you do (: