If there are a hundred people right now in those houses outside my "BREAK GLASS IN EMERGENCY" window,
(Which is likely, given the time of day),
I wonder how many of those hundred people, right now, are feeling this same thing,
This warm darkness,
This disgusted contentment.

I wonder if, right now, one of those hundred knows that they are being watched, pondered on,
If that one person could understand the concept of the juxteposed thoughts blundreing through the years towards me.

Is it possible to be happy with the destruction of one's own beliefs?
If not, why do I feel like this?
There is a real contentment to this collapse,
There isn't anything I would do to change it if it were an option.

If one of those hundred, right now, were thinking about something like this I would be thrilled,
Is there anyone else out there struggling with a longing that can never be fulfilled, like this?

Maybe I could have what I want this christmas,
Or am I being selfish?
Could it happen that this feeling is more common than I think? It certainly seems that way sometimes,
Could there be three (very specific) people who are just as confused and hurt and happy to be like this?

Or am I deluding myself that there are, right now, people who would rather be a mess than not feel something so powerful,
Maybe it's something that's just not talked about, but is felt by people everywhere? I hope that's the case.

I know that I'm not done.
I hope that I can find someone who's the same.
I know that it won't always be this way.
I hope that we never change.