A Lesson in Heartache


Ravneet Bhogal

Every time she returned to the meadow, the memory of what had happened there three years ago haunted her.

Words that she would never imagine him saying poured out of his mouth, shattering her already-fragile heart, causing it to snap in half. It was at that moment that she realized that love hurts—a lot. It can rouse butterflies in your stomach that you never knew were there. It can make your heart ache and long for a feeling that is unattainable. It can rip your heart out from your body and make you feel as if you have suffered a fate far worse than death.

Despite all that she had suffered, she always visited the grassy and beautiful meadow every time she came home. The meadow was their special place. They always used to go there when they were mad, sad, depressed or happy. It was their spot.

After high school was over, she decided that she needed to get away and go somewhere where no one knew her. She couldn't stand the sympathetic or pitying looks she got from everyone—neighbours, classmates, the cross-dressing cashier at the grocery store.

When she told her parents that she had decided to go to a university that was out of town, this started the never-ending string of feuds with her parents. They told her that they didn't want her going so far away just for school.

She had tried to explain to them countless times that she needed to get away; that she needed space. But they didn't understand. They probably never would understand. The people they loved were still very much alive.

She loved him. He was her world. The fact that her love kept something this important and frightening from her angered her greatly, but at the same time she felt extremely sad and depressed.

She lowered herself to the ground, her fingers becoming tangled in the long strands of sweet grass. Her head was resting on the ground, her sapphire eyes slowly closing and her porcelain skin becoming warm by the bright sun. She stayed in that position for quite a while, imagining what he would say if he were here. Probably something arrogant and obnoxious, just like him.

Come on Princess, why do you choose to lie on the ground?! It's dirty! It'll ruin your beautiful hair and no girlfriend of mine will show up in public looking like a homeless person!

Is that something he would say? Probably. He would act as if he was all high and mighty and arrogant.

She smiled to herself, then immediately wiped the smile off her face. How could she be smiling and laughing if he wasn't there to share the moment with her? She shouldn't feel happy, she should feel sad and upset!

She smiled weakly, remembering all the times in the past when she would scold herself for smiling or laughing.

Unexpectedly, she broke into a quiet sob, lying down once again on the soft grass as the gentle hum of the wind lulled her to a peaceful sleep.