So this is my life now, I guess A never ending balance act strolling noncholantly along the razor blade edge of "healthy" and "unhealthy"
Constantly distracted by red tape and an infuriatingly subconscious check system I gain and lose weight, fluctuating between skinny and skeleton I'm constantly hungry, but it's rare that food tastes good enough to finish I've left a banquet of ignored last few bites on my plate Drinking down glass after glass of liquid courage and mixed bottles of hope and painfully obvious self destruction Working through my shifts with a steadily trembling hand, because these days I'm set to vibrate Sleep never comes easily unless I'm worn out from sheer exhaustion or pure inebriation Yet strangely I am not unhappy Feeling beautiful was never this easy, I find it simple when I look through your eyes My smile makes more appearances these days than an attention-hungry starlet My mind no longer screams in a thousand demanding voices, it murmurs quietly in the background I am at ease, and the furiously racing train of my self hatred has pulled in for a much-needed maitinence overhaul It gives me enough time to sit still for once and take in the night air I twitch and jitter in my bones still, but rather than running it off I am shaping it into outgoing force Bending my massive amounts of nervous energy to my will was daunting before, now it's just routine I feel relaxed, for the first time in a long time And yeah, it's not just all you No, you are not the structure I am storing my growing hope and confidence in But you are the support beams And when people go out of their way to tell me, you, us, how well balanced we seem I can't help but smile at the joke My calloused feet are creased from fighting physics and gravity up up high And you are a professional at waiting for everything to fall, hoping to catch some small semblance of happiness when it does slip and shatter Our practiced habits fit together like my head in the hollow of your shoulder We could go on the road with this act