There was a boy his name was Josh. Josh lived in a small house. Josh lived with his mom and dad. Josh was 10 years old. I feel so pretty I could like just die!. Did I write that? Oops. Sorry! That was s'posed to stay in my head. Ahem. Anywho…
One day Josh went on a walk to the woods. They were weird and scary and gross and smelled like pistachios. Josh was scared. His mom and dad were scared that he was in danger. The mom and dad went to ware Josh was. They found him about to eat a poyzunus mushroom. They said No don't eat that its bad for you. Josh was glad to see his mom and dad. They went home and were happy.
OR WERE THEY?
As this little happy family went home, a strange shadow swept silently behind them, watching their every move. It knew that these seemingly cheerful and loving parents held a terrible secret in their hearts, a secret they were hiding from the small blonde boy between them. A secret that could destroy the lives of millions.
"Oh, Joshie, you silly head, never do that again! You nearly scared your father and me to death! Now go to your dog house you stupid ball of stink!" the mom yelled. "But the dog pooed all over the dog house!" complained Josh.
Screeched the mom and dad. The boy cried all the way to his stinky doghouse. As Josh was about to go to sleep and have dreams about dog poo, the strange shadow I mentioned confronted the boy. "My name is Grtahwust. I have come for you."
"Hi," said the boy.
"Your parents have a terrible secret," said Grtahwust. "They are MUFFINS!
Screeched the boy. So that is how Josh joined forces with Grtahwust and became a super, super, super, extremely super secret spy. He was now the 101st member of the army against the muffins.
Three Years Later
Josh stood up in front of the class. One hundred and twelve eyes stared back at him. He felt his face go hot. No matter how many times he spoke in public, he couldn't never not get unused to not doing the dumb thing. Durken.
"Ahem, ahem, uhm, hum, hem, uhm, cough, cough, hem, huhmmm, COUGH, HUHMHMHMHMMMMMMMM, HUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
"You may begin at any time, Joshua," Ms. De Gallo de Salsa (dee GUY-o day SAL-suh), the Invisiblization instructor. She was the youngest teacher in the Big Army's Department: the Grtahwustian Academy of Super Spies, or BAD GASS. She was also the most picky. If the assignment was not completed to the letter, there would be dire consequences.
Happy new year
This is the part of the show where us rad skater dudes take over!K
All right, so like this dude Josh, he was totally like trying to talk. But this mean chick, Ms. De Gallo de Salsa, she was like totally putting way too much pressure on this dude. So Josh coughs one more time and starts to rattle.
"All right so this guy, Hudiedooder McFlaggenboggen, he came up with this strategy. He said, "When encountered by dee enemy, dah, you haff to use de enemy's weakness to your advantage, dah. And ven you exploit dem, dah, you crack deir noggins, dah." So what he's saying is basically, SQUISH THEIR HEADS!"
Josh stood there totally panting like a maniac. It must have been totally radical. All the dudes and dudettes were like staring at him like he was insane. Awesome. The teacher chick liked welled up in like fury. "JOSHUA THAT IS THE WORST ESSAY I'VE HEARD IN ALL OF MY ONE THOUSAND SIX-HUNDRED AND FIFTY-NINE YEARS! I mean in all of my twenty-three years, yeah. Oh now you evil child you made me tell my real age! No one knows my real age! I sentence you to three years of ironing socks!" she screamed and she like, I don't know, totally collapsed. All Josh saw was a bunch of dust where Ms. De Gallo de Salsa and been like positioned in space. All the dudes and dudettes just stared. Suddenly, the door like burst open. Two totally official-looking dudes like burst through the door. Radical. You know, this is like totally bogus man. So I guess this is
Wrong again. Now that we have these normal-like peoples talking, where was we... " Your parents are MUFFINS!" No, that's not it. HA! Pozyunus mushrooms... Wrong again
SQUISH THEIR HEADS!
No, but I LOVE the tone. It is full of great aspects of the the human loudness function with a little aggerogerforisticts with the multi-potenionalmattislemonafturwaggerfloggers. Sometimes I question my own smartitude. You know, I was thinking, squishing peoples heads is NOT a good way to start the day. Anywho... hold on, I just had a brilliant idea. WE SHOULD HAVE A CATCHPHRASE! Maybe it could be BAM! No, how 'bout fartastic! Hmm, this is harder than could be thinkable in a bazillion years. Let's just skip this. Anywho, wait that's IT! Anywho! It's awesome. Oh, you're still here. I should get back to the story. Anywho (chuckle)... The two official-lookin' people walked in. They went up to the crowd of speechless trainees and muttered these two words that could save the world from ultimate destruction by killer muffins...
Am I the only one that thinks we should end the book right now? What's that boss? Continue or I'm fired? Okay.
End of Chapter One
A/N: This story is not meant to be serious, classy, or logical. It was just fun. Originally, we had all sorts of different colors, and font styles, but fictionpress is not made to handle that. Thus, a fictionpress reader cannot get the full effect of this story. I am very sorry, but I hope that this wondrous little tale brightens your day. Again, don't judge it too harshly.