There are times in your life where words aren't enough to protect you from the evils of the world. I learned that lesson the hard way and have been paying for it ever since that day. At one point in my life my voice had been everything to me, but now those days are mere memories.
I had been a professional singer since I was ten years old, having taken up singing as soon as I could talk, and it was my dream to make it into a career. My mother had been a famous singer before she met my dad and I had inherited her talent. When she died I decided that I wanted to carry on the legacy that she had left in order to make a family. My dad had supported my decision and spent thousands of dollars to put me through lessons.
Nowadays I feel like such a disappointment, letting all that money go down the drain because I cant, or wont speak. My dad tries to reassure me by telling me that I haven't disappointed him in any way. Even if I haven't let him or my mom down I let myself down when I couldn't protect myself.
You may be wondering what it is exactly that happened to me to make me stop speaking. Well to tell you the truth I had an ex-boyfriend that wasn't too keen on hearing the words no, stop, and somebody help me. He dragged me off at a party and took me to his house. All the screaming in the world didn't help me because he was a football player and weighed twice as much as me. No one came to my rescue and he raped me and beat me until I was almost dead.
It was four days later when I finally woke up in the hospital with my dad by my side. He was a total mess and I could tell he had been crying and hadn't slept since he got there. When I wouldn't talk he was worried there was something wrong with my voice but the doctors checked and told him I was fine. There was nothing medically wrong with me that would stop me from speaking, it was completely my own free will.
He told me that my ex had been arrested the night it had happened and was being tried as an adult for rape, assault, and attempted murder. His mom, who had always loved me, came home that night and found me in the living room barely breathing. I couldn't believe that his own mom would call the cops on him but some things are beyond words.
She had always loved me like I was her own daughter and in return I had treated her like a second mother. In my heart I had known she could never replace the one that I had lost but it wasn't for lack of trying. If only she had seen the earlier signs of what her son was doing to me I have to wonder what she would have done.
When her husband died she had nothing left to hold onto except for him and she became so devoted to being the best mother possible. She always tried to do everything for him and it ended up smothering him to no end. He developed an attitude and began to rebel, treating her very badly during his teenage years.
When you put everything in your entire being into something like she did, in my case my voice, and you realize that sometimes it isn't enough it really lets you down. I honestly believed that with my voice I could do anything, but that night I was proven wrong. Since that evening I haven't spoken a word to anyone no matter how much it hurts me not to.
As a mother she believed that she was doing everything right for her son and in the end he grew to resent her for it. His rebellion cost me more than anyone could have imagined and it cost her just as much, if not more.
Nobody had ever looked at either of us the same. To the community she was just the mother of a fucked-up boy who didn't know how to live the 'right' way. As for me, I was that girl that was taken advantage of. The one who never spoke up when I had the chance to make a difference. In our world that meant everything.
About a month after the incident my dad took me to a therapist and I was diagnosed with Mutism. It was hard for my dad to accept at first but when he realized that I wasn't going to start talking he signed us both up for sign language classes. We had found a way to communicate and for that my dad was grateful.
My friends weren't quite so accepting of the fact that I wasn't going to talk to them or even try to explain why I couldn't speak. After a month of trying to get me to talk to them they started to give up and eventually I found myself alone. I can't say I didn't expect them to move on. What kind of person wants a friend who can't even talk to you?
Other people at school weren't any better about my situation and they constantly taunted me. When I fell into a bit of a depression my dad decided it would be best if I got a fresh start. He talked it over with my therapist and they decided that it would be a good idea to change schools.
I wasn't objecting to the idea because at least no one would know who I was or what had happened to me. At least I had a chance to just blend in and go by unnoticed by everyone. Really though, the fact that I didn't speak would set me apart from all the other students instantly, regardless of the fact that I was a new student.
A/N: And it's back, better than ever. Yes, for those of you who have read Voiceless in the Wind before I am rewriting it.
I expect it to be a lot better, not that I didn't hear good things before.
If you have already read it please tell me what you think so far of the edited version. For those of you who haven't, welcome. Please feel free to say whatever you want.
Now I'm trying out this new get to know the author thing. I know people get frustrated with author's notes and lack of updates. I've felt my fair share of that.
I am by no means perfect, meaning that I don't say I'm going to update every Friday and then update every Friday. I get sick a lot and find it near impossible to write when I am. It sucks to say the least.
Writing has really been a hobby of mine and I hope to continue even after I start college.
So... Leave a review please... or even a question for me.