Strength

Life tries to break you, life tries to pull you apart. You know what I'm talking about; the nights where you cover yourself in darkness with music blaring in your ears to block out the world. The times you curl up in a corner to try and make yourself small, hoping maybe then things won't keep happening to you. The times you cry and cry and cry and feel like life is just to hard. The times friends stab you in the back and your so-called family betrays you in every imaginable way. The times when you're mind is such a mess you wish you could stop thinking. The times you want to sleep to make it go away but sleep refuses to come. The times when it feels like music is your own friend. The times you feel alone. The times everything goes wrong. The times… You get the point, and I'm sure most of you reading this have experienced life's games.

But I once heard someone say God never gives us more than we can deal with, maybe some of you reading this don't believe in God, but if you replace the word God with the word life the message is the same. It's hard to believe, it's hard to see. Sometimes it feels like everything is too much and there is nothing worth going on for. Sometimes it seems like you can't deal with it, sometimes it seems like it won't get better. It won't end, it's not worth it. People tell you to be strong, but what truly is strength?

From what I can tell some people think strength is being positive all the time, always seeing the up-side and believing that up-side. I disagree, life has tried to break me at least three times, and I'm not a positive person, I don't think I ever will be. I don't always see the up side, and to me the glass isn't half-full. But it's not half-empty either, it's in the middle, because that's life. Life isn't all good, but it's not all bad even. It's directly in the middle. It has it's ups and downs it's roundabouts. It has heartbreak but it has love. It has comfort but there's pain. For each good there's a bad, for each bad there's a good.

Do you believe me, I wonder? I hope so, but if you don't it's just my opinion. My opinion of life, my opinion of strength. I'm not even sure why I'm writing it. I'm bored, maybe, it's 10:38pm and I'm not tired, so I want something to do. Maybe it's for the people I know who don't feel strong very often. Who knows, sometimes a writer just has to write, and a reader has to read.

I said I disagree that strength is positive thinking and I do, because no one can be positive all the time. The happiest of people are bound to be hiding something, some dark secret, or big fear. I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being realistic. No one can be happy 24/7, no one can see all that's good all the time. It's impossible. Everyone has bad days, everyone has something they find hard to deal with. So you're probably wondering what I believe strength is, right? Or maybe you're just wondering why the hell your reading this?

To the latter I'm not sure, maybe you're interested, maybe you're just bored. To the first, I believe strength isn't so easily described. The dictionary says: emotional toughness: the necessary qualities required to deal with stressful or painful situations. Maybe the dictionary is right. I believe the strongest people in the world don't realise how strong they are, they're being strong in just getting through the day. It doesn't appear to be much, it doesn't feel like much, but when you're have some sort of battle going on in your life just getting through the day is the hardest thing to do; it takes strength. It's strong to get through the day when so much is going on.

I believe strength is never giving up. Whether you are doing it for yourself or for someone who you know needs you, never giving up is a strong thing to do. When the going gets tough grinning and baring it is the hardest thing to do, it takes the most strength. Holding on even when you're grip is lose is a strong thing to do.

I believe strength is admitting when you need help, or a break. Some people seem to think that asking for help or stepping away from a situation is the weak thing to do, but I think it's the opposite. Nobody can deal with a lot of hell alone, they need the people who truly care to help. They need support and added strength.

I believe strength is being you, no matter what. Strength is listening to what the world says against you and in the end rising above it. Strength is saying sod the world even if you only wish you could truly believe it. Strength is believing there's always something, even if it's small.

I wonder now, what you as the reader are thinking? I wonder if you think I'm old with a lot of experience. I'm not old, I'm seventeen, and to look at me I only look between thirteen and fifteen, and I wouldn't say I was old for my age either. I love obsessing over TV programmes and books, I love laughing with my friends, and doing silly things for the hell of it. But I have experience and that's probably what's making me sound older. I'm mature for my age, that's for sure. Because I know maturity isn't going out and drinking or clubbing or getting pregnant as a teenager. Maturity isn't high heels and make-up. Maturity is seeing the world as it truly is; a tough, hard, beautiful, horrible, lovely place. The world is an oxymoron.

I wonder if you're a strong person? I wonder if reading this has made you feel strong or weak? I hope I haven't made anyone feel weak… I wonder if anyone reading this ever feels like life isn't worth living, like its too hard. I wonder if I know you or not. Either way it doesn't matter, life is worth living.

If I don't know you, maybe you're thinking that I can't possibly judge something I don't know, and you'd be right. I can't stand people who think they know everything about someone they don't know. But I do know this, it doesn't always seem like it, but there's always something worth living for. There's always something. No matter how small or big. It could be a friend who can always make you small, it could be a place you love going, it could be hope for the future. It could be anything, anything at all. There is always something, something worth waking up for. It could be to see the sun shining, it could be to do that one thing you've been putting off. It could be small, it could be big. It could mean nothing to anyone but you, but it's there and it's important. It's life.

Show you're true feelings, smile if you're happy, admit when you're annoyed. Yes it's easier said than done, but even if it's through emails or text, tell someone if you're not happy with them. If you like like someone tell them, the worst they can do if turn you down. If you want to sing, sing. If you want to cry, then cry. Its your life, live it your way. Don't let anyone change you, be yourself always, because individuality is what makes us unique. Don't give up, there's always hope.

Dedicated to the most important people in my life: The four people that make my family, my best friend Lola, my boyfriend Shawn, the RRA(all of you!), I love you all, I don't know where I'd be without you, you make me strong. Also to Laura, one of the people I was thinking about while writing this. Thanks for reading. Please leave some sort of comment as a review.