9Title: Shadow and light
Chapter 1
Shadow And Light
Agony, that was what I felt every time I entered school. Just knowing the despair I would feel today, like every other day, made my already torn heart cry in pain.
Another day would pass knowing that I could never have him.
He was on the swim team, pristine and perfect but with a kind and caring heart which made me love him all the more. Never have I heard him utter cold words to anyone, even when required. He was everything a girl could every wish for. Everything that he is and more. That's why he is what he is -Perfect.
Which made him all the more unattainable to me. A girl who is lacking in almost everything.
He who deserved so much better than me. I knew I could never have him. I always did. He was my dream and I kept on dreaming.
So far he had kindly rejected all the bold girls who had asked him out. It was his this act which made me dare to dream and also the very same act which I feared the most; rejection. So I kept my dream just the way I wanted it to be.
My love for him was a secret buried deep inside my heart. No one knew how much I loved him and no one would ever know how much I loved him. Because if once they find out they would pity me; he would pity me. For my love would not be returned by him.
I was best hidden in the shadows, away from the light, cut off from the world; invisible.
I walked out of the class room -with my books in hand- towards my locker. It was lunch time but I didn't go to the cafeteria, I never did. Seeing him there with his group of popular friends would only show me how my dream is just that; a dream. One which would never come true.
On my way to the library. That's when it happened. My dream shattered. Just like that.
There he sat in all his glory with his two best friends on the low walls beside the lockers.
"Why do you keep rejecting all those girls?" one of his best friends asked concerned.
"I-I can't date them" he stuttered and then shrugged as though his answer answered all the questions.
"Why not?" they asked him, confused.
"Because I love someone else"
Then it happened, my heart tore completely. I couldn't breath so I hid behind the lockers and gasped for air. Anything but that!
"What!?, What are you talking about dude?"
"Yeah" he said absentmindedly, "She is-she is something. Like a breath of fresh air, like the sunshine. So beautiful, so perfect. Everybody loves her she is that good. But I don't know how to tell her. Every time I come near her I become tongue-tied. I was going to ask her out yesterday you know. But every time I look at her she-she looks away. Every time I try to ask her out she just disappears from sight" he sighed.
I couldn't breath anymore. He loves someone else. I wanted to die.
"But I will ask her out today!" he grinned his beautiful grin. And it just tore me to see him so happily in love with someone else.
Someone else who is not me.
Everybody loves her...
Tears streaked down my face. I cried silently, my grief killing me. I couldn't even cry out loud afraid; afraid he will hear me; afraid he will pity me.
So beautiful, so perfect...
I wished they would just go already, so that I could cry my heart out loud.
Slowly they left; ten minutes, twenty minutes, time did not matter to me. I just sat on the cold tile floor, trying to numb my pain.
I cried silently for some time and then I stood up, shakily. I slowly and shakily tried to make my way towards the bathrooms. Using the lockers for my support for I never knew when I would collapse.
Then I saw him with her. Standing a few feet away from me.
Rosalie...
He had a sheepish look in his eyes and he nervously rubbed the back of his neck.
"So...?" he asked, his eyes anxious as though in great hurry.
She concentrated on her answer with a frown and then slowly nodded. Of course she said yes.
I walked away. There was only so much that I could take.
Rosalie, she was a nice girl she was in my chemistry and English AP classes. She was everything that he said and more.
Yes, she was good for him.
Did he have to do it so quickly? Increase my pain by a hundred times more?
But then that was it, the final stop to all my dreams. There was no doubt of who the girl is. It was the end of all my dreams.
Shattered dreams...
I rushed through the nearly deserted hallways and into the girls bathroom, where I locked myself in one of the booths.
I kept by back to the door. My sobs breaking through me. My soul ripping out and tearing itself in agony. My entire being shook with my heart-wrenching sobs.
He doesn't love me...
He'll never love me...
My beautiful dream shattered, shattered beyond recognition. It had to happen someday and so it did.
He loves someone else...
I cried until I knew I should cry no more for I had to save some tears for my now crying heart, but how can my heart cry when its bleeding?
He deserved better. I nodded to myself. Better than me.
I shouldn't cry, I should be happy for him. But I couldn't help but feel bitter. Bitter at me. Bitter at my fate.
I skipped school that day. I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't trust myself not to cry again when I see him or her.
I cried myself to sleep that night and I cried when I woke up the next day. Why won't these damn tears just stop? But they wouldn't and I kept crying, crying for my unrequited love.
I feared going to school that day. Not wanting to know what I already knew. But I had to go, had to torture myself but mainly to avoid suspicions.
The day passed in a blur for me. I was too busy trying to heal my shattered heart, I knew It was of no use but I still tried.
People rushed by as school got over, into the parking lot. The day had finally ended.
"Emilia!" I turned to see Rosalie waving at me.
I couldn't help but feel sadness wash over me. I could feel a sob threatening to break out. I gave her a small wave and a slight smile in return.
"Where on earth were you yesterday? I searched everywhere." she asked in a wondering voice.
I gave a small shrug as my reply. I didn't dare open my mouth. Afraid that I would start shedding my barely controlled tears.
"Anyways. Go to the hallway near the entrance. Now."
And then she left just like that.
I stood there for about half a minute stunned before I could move. Then I slowly walked back to a completely empty hallway. There was no one there.
Was this some sort of joke!
But I couldn't bring myself to be angry only defeated. I was too tired and weary to even question her senses. I was emotionally exhausted. So I started to turn back and leave.
"Emilia!" I stopped dead in my tracks as I heard that familiar perfect voice of his.
"Stay."