Katie's POV

We could talk about money, and whose turn it was to cook, and where's the clean towels, but we couldn't talk about how this was feeling. And it was feeling... really weird. Just knowing that we were married made us even more awkward around each other, and we ended up not spending that much time together. I was used to spending my free time with Randy, and as the days went by and he didn't call, I wasn't sure what to do. I knew I had to let him do his thinking and I had to accept whatever he decided. I wondered sometimes if I should've asked him to marry me instead. But I hadn't, and it was done.

It was almost two weeks later that he finally called. "Hi," he said.

"Hi."

"How are you?"

"Sorry."

I heard him take a deep breath. "Me too."

My heart sank. "You're breaking up with me, aren't you?"

"No." My heart rose. "I don't know, maybe I should. I've been telling myself I should. But somehow I just... can't."

"I miss you," I told him.

"I miss you too."

"Can I see you?"

There was a pause. "Will you take off the ring?"

"It's been off since the second day."

"Really?"

"I promise."

Another pause. "I want to see you too. Can we go to the park tonight after I get off work?"

"Yes, absolutely."

"It'll be late."

"I don't have a curfew any more." I'd always complained about my curfew, but now it was just a sad reminder of how much my life had changed.

"I guess not. Okay. I'll be there about... ten, okay?"

"Okay. I'll be waiting on the porch." I thought that'd be best for him, to not take any chance of him and Luke bumping into each other in the house we now shared alone.

He pulled up at ten sharp and I got into his car before he could get out and he just drove to the park. Not a hug or kiss or taking my hand, but that was okay. I made sure my left hand was where he could see my bare finger if he looked, without flashing it around and making it worse. He parked the car in the usual spot and with the engine off it was real quiet. Too quiet. Then he looked at me and I looked at him and he groaned and pulled me over for a long hug. "Oh, Katie, what a mess."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Randy." I felt his lips kiss my hair. "I didn't think. We just did it fast because we thought we had to. I didn't realize it would be anything more than a piece of paper."

He sighed and I snuggled closer, happy to be with him again. "Nine months, huh?"

"Eight and a half. And counting."

"And we can still see each other just like before?"

"Obviously."

"You know this is weird, right?"

"I know. Want me to say I'm sorry again?" I asked sincerely.

"No." He sat back. "I want you to move in with me."

"Excuse me?"

He grabbed my hand. "I'm serious, Katie. I don't want you living there with Luke like that. You could move into my apartment. We could be together every day... and every night."

I knew what he was saying. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"I don't know why not. I'm seventeen. I've got school."

"You can drive here to school." He squeezed my hand. "At least think about it."

"I can't think about it. I can't do it."

He sat back and let go of my hand, scowling. "Why the hell not? You said Luke isn't gonna interfere, nobody would have to know."

"It scares me."

"I scare you?"

"Not you."

"Living together, then. Sex scares you."

"A little. Yeah."

Randy's eyes narrowed. "I'm sure Luke will be glad to show you the ropes, that's probably what you want anyway. After all, he's your husband, isn't he? I guess he doesn't scare you." His voice was cold now and I stared at him.

"How could you say that?"

"How could you marry him?" Randy burst out, his voice anguished. "You married him and I'm supposed to be okay with it? Well, I'm not!" He covered his face with his hands and took a couple of breaths to calm himself, and when he talked again he wasn't yelling any more, but he sounded so sad I almost wish he'd yell again. "I... I wanted to be. I wanted to come here and make it be okay. But it's not."

I turned away and stared out the foggy window.

"I would've done it, Katie," he said softly, letting his hands fall. "I would've married you."

"I'm sorry," I said again, not knowing what else to say. There was a painful silence, and then he started the car and took me home. The house was dark except for one light upstairs, and we both knew it was in Luke's room, the window next to mine. He just pulled up to the curb and left the engine running, and stared at the dashboard. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"Don't," I stopped him. "It's my fault. I know it and you know it." I pulled open my door and dared one last look at him, and he turned. There were tears in his eyes too, tears he'd been hiding. "Bye, Katie," he whispered.

"Bye, Randy." I got out of the car and shut the door, and went inside without looking back.

I'm pretty sure Luke could hear me crying that night but I didn't care. He stayed in his room and I stayed in mine and sobbed myself to sleep.

My eyes were red and puffy the next morning and Luke poured me a glass of milk and brought it to me at the table, then went upstairs to get ready for school. I left before he came back downstairs and walked to school alone, and I even avoided my best friend Matt which tells you how miserable I was. After a long dreary day of school I waited by the car for Luke, and I saw him watching me as he crossed the parking lot, like he was studying me to see if I'd fallen apart yet. I didn't look at him as he unlocked the car and I got in, and he stood by his door for a minute before he got in. The only thing he said the whole way home was when we pulled up in front of the house and he told me he got off at nine and I said okay and reached for the door handle. But then he stopped me with a hand on my arm. "Katie, wait."

I didn't answer or turn.

"You gonna be okay?"

"Sure." I popped the door and bolted for the house because I knew I was gonna cry again.

Luke's POV

Man. I never heard her cry like she did that night. I'd seen Randy drive off and I knew he must have broken up with her, and I knew it was because of me and my brilliant marriage idea. She was really crazy about him, I guess, and I felt rotten seeing her so heartbroken and miserable at the table the next morning. And what even made me feel guiltier was that there was this little part of me that didn't feel rotten at all, because now I knew she didn't have any reason to give up and divorce me early.

Katie's POV

Luke got home at nine thirty or so that night and as usual I was shut in my room. He came in and I heard him call me, but I didn't feel like answering. It wasn't until the fourth call that I gave up and went to the top of the stairs. "What?"

"Come down here."

I sighed and dragged down the stairs and started smelling something wonderful, only then realizing I hadn't eaten since the glass of milk at breakfast. Luke stood by the sofa with a big pizza box from my favorite takeout place. "I got it the way you like it," he said, lifting the lid.

"Even pineapple?" I said, inhaling hopefully.

Luke grimaced. "Even pineapple."

"But we can't afford pizza."

"One time won't kill us. And we'll have leftovers for breakfast." He put the box on the coffee table and we sat on the floor and pigged out. And when I laid back on the floor after my third piece, I did feel a little better.

Luke groaned, having finished up his fifth. "I'm gonna die."

"Good riddance," I cracked.

"You'd be a widow."

I didn't laugh, and I think he regretted saying it and reminding me. I sat up, then got up and took the leftovers to the fridge. Luke was still sprawled on the floor when I came back, and I sank onto the sofa and let my head drop into my hands. "Why did we do this? Who are we kidding?" I asked miserably. "Why did you do it?"

"For you," came the soft answer, and once again I started crying. I was always crying lately and I hated it. I didn't want this to be my life. I wanted to be a kid. I wanted to be happy. I wanted somebody to care about me enough to not leave. Everybody was leaving. I was only left with Luke, who didn't even like me, and in a little over eight months he would be gone too and I would be alone. Completely alone and completely terrified. My crying was quickly leaving the normal sobbing stuff and starting to sound scary, and I drew up my legs and huddled myself into a ball. Then I felt Luke sit down beside me, and he touched my arm. "Hey."

I wanted to push him away but all of a sudden I was scared and I needed him, and I leaned over toward him and he put his arm around me and sat back, letting me cry all over him and soak his work shirt while he rubbed my arm up and down. I stopped crying pretty soon but after all that emotion I was exhausted and I didn't know I'd fallen asleep on him until I felt him move away, bringing me with him and scooping me up into his arms like a baby. I didn't want to wake up, I just wanted to be taken care of so I kept my eyes closed as he carefully wound his way up the stairs and toed open my door. Except it wasn't my door, I realized when he lowered me down onto sheets that weren't my usual cool cotton. His were soft flannel, and they felt wonderful. I dimly heard him kick off his shoes and then the bed squeaked a little as he stretched out beside me. He rolled toward me and put his arm over me, and that's how we fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning and watched him sleep for a few minutes. He looked different when he wasn't scowling at me. Nicer. I laid there thinking about the girls at school who thought he was cute. I'd never gotten it before. But now with his face and his whole body relaxed and peaceful, I guess I could see it. Especially with the way his hair was going all over the place. I smiled to myself, almost wanting to reach out and touch it. I wondered what he would do when he woke up and saw me right here so close and so comfortable on his bed. It was pretty weird. And yet, it wasn't. I suddenly found myself wondering what it would be like to be really married to Luke. As in... really. I knew he would get mad if he knew what I was thinking. And what I was thinking now is that I wanted to kiss those lips that were right there in front of me, slightly parted and looking so... kissable. I wanted to see what it felt like. And since I sure couldn't do it when he was awake, it was now or never. So I did.

And of course his eyes opened. Slow and sleepy, and when he saw me there he just looked at me and I backed away. I wondered if he might hit me, or push me out of his bed and yell, but he didn't. He just laid there and looked at me like it was still sinking in that I'd just kissed him. And then he scooted closer and kissed me back. Just soft and careful like he was waiting to see if I'd freak out. But I didn't, and then he kissed me a little harder, and man oh man, it was better than good. It was the best kiss I'd ever had. I could've kissed him all morning but after a minute he pulled away. "Why'd you kiss me?" he whispered.

"Just to say good morning." I reached up and touched his lips, and he let me. "Why'd you kiss me back?"

"Same reason." He was watching me awfully hard and as my hand dropped away, his came up and touched my lips, tracing them gently as he stared at my mouth. Then his hand moved away and he got up and headed for the door. "I get the shower first."

The next night I tossed and turned long after Luke had told me goodnight and gone to bed, and I wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that he hadn't closed his bedroom door the way he always had before. It was after midnight when I found myself in his doorway, watching his silhouette in the dim moonlight from the window. I know he was asleep at first but something must have woken him because after a few minutes he pulled back the covers and I walked over and slid in beside him. I felt his hand move over and find mine, just for a second before it left again, and after a minute his breathing was slow and steady again, and his bed was so warm and the rhythm of his breathing helped me to fall asleep.

This time I was the one waking up to the feel of a kiss. I knew who it was in the cobwebs of my mind and I left my eyes closed, and I felt him kiss me a second time, a little longer and slower. I could've just laid there and let him keep kissing me but I wanted to see him, so I opened my eyes and he was there, propped up on one elbow beside me and watching me wake up. "Good morning, wife," he said.

"Good morning, husband," I answered, then he got up and headed for the shower.

The next night I wasn't going to, but there was a thunderstorm and I decided I was scared enough to use it as an excuse and went anyway. The night after that, when he worked late and I fell asleep early in my own room, he came and slid in beside me instead, and from then on we slept together every night in one room or the other. He never touched me except when he would kiss me good morning and say "good morning, wife", and slowly it felt normal and right to be together all night. It got to where I never thought twice about it while we were together, but when we were apart at school I sat at my desk and wondered what was happening. I couldn't figure out if what I felt for Luke was sisterly or wifely or neither. I didn't know what I felt, and I didn't know what I wanted. Today, tomorrow, or when I turned eighteen and was a legal adult. But I was pretty sure what he wanted, or didn't want. Kisses were nice, and feeling close for those dark moments and morning wakings, but he never seemed the same in the daylight hours as he did when we were there together. He probably never thought about me at all.

Luke's POV

I couldn't concentrate on the teacher's lecture, I just sat there fiddling with my pencil and thinking about Katie. How it felt sleeping beside her, all warm and comfortable. It made me feel good to know she felt safer when she was with me. I was starting to know how it felt to be a man. And a husband. Of course, I wasn't really a husband, because she would never want that kind of relationship, at least not with me. I knew how much she missed Randy. She'd cried a lot at first and even now I sometimes caught her staring at nothing and knew by how she blushed when she saw me that she'd been thinking about him. It made me feel really weird. Like maybe I'd thrown away nine months of my life trying to help someone who really wished I hadn't bothered. I never knew what she thought about the whole married thing, and she never said. So when she came to my room at night, I let myself pretend that she needed me and maybe even loved me. And when we would kiss good morning, I almost felt like it could be true. But once we were both awake again, reality came back and we were two kids playing house, and I kinda felt sad. It made my stomach hurt when I would see her at school and know that before long we wouldn't even have the nights any more. It would just be... nothing.

So we went on just like that. Strangers all day, bed-mates at night. I know, weird. I started not to like it much, the fact that I could kiss her in bed in the morning but not touch her any other time. So many times I would see her pass in the hall and I would be so tempted to reach out and pull her over to me and give her a kiss, right in front of everybody. Boy, would they be shocked. Hardly anyone at school knew that we even knew each other. Only her buddy Matt, and a couple of people that saw her riding with me. They probably thought we were neighbors or cousins or something. They would never guess this in a million years, that's for sure. And it was my own fault. When our parents had gotten married, I'd been a real jerk and made it pretty clear I didn't want anybody to know we were steps, and I knew it had hurt her feelings. And now I was regretting it, because as the weeks went by, knowing she didn't want anyone to know we were married now gave me a good idea how she'd felt then. I didn't even understand my own feelings, why I was suddenly starting to want to tell people, but I was. But I couldn't, and I wouldn't. I didn't want to hurt her any more than I already had by driving Randy away.

By the end of the second month, my peaceful sleeps beside her were starting to be not so peaceful. I was always aware that she was there, so close, so warm and soft and curvy and pretty, and I wondered what would happen if I dared to touch her or put my arms around her while she slept. Would she wake up and be furious and that would be the end of sharing the bed? If so, I couldn't risk it. But I was starting to go crazy with wanting to. And it wasn't just sex. Even if it was just one arm, or feeling her hair against my cheek, it meant something to me. Of course, sex might be good too. Who am I kidding, sex would be great. But it didn't feel right to call it sex with her. It would be more, because we were married. I guess it would be 'making love', and that was sounding pretty darn good too. But I had to quit thinking about that and having the dreams that I'd started having. Because it wasn't going to happen and I was getting exhausted, torturing myself with hopeless dreams.

Katie's POV

So the morning I woke up and Luke's arms were around me and I was laying with my cheek against his chest, I lay there desperately hoping he wasn't awake yet because if he was I was going to be so embarrassed. How had I crawled this close to him in my sleep, and how could I move without waking him up? Had his arms going around me been a reflex, or had he been trying to make me feel better? Either way, maybe this sleeping arrangement thing needed to stop because things could get awkward real fast if I found myself doing this again, or worse.

And then I felt a light pressure on my head. He had just kissed my hair. Was he awake? Oh no, please don't let him be. I would be humiliated after all. Or... wait. His fingers were lightly playing on my arm, stroking up and down. He couldn't do that in his sleep, could he? He was scooting down now, so carefully, and I realized he thought I was still asleep. I closed my eyes quick and felt him get closer and then I was getting my wakeup kiss. I opened my eyes right away and he moved back, a little surprised. "Good morning, wife," he said like always.

"Good morning, husband."

"Been awake long?"

I didn't know what to say. Did I lie? "A minute or two."

"Me too." I wondered as I looked at his face if he was lying. What if he'd been awake for quite a while, holding me like that. What would he have been thinking? Get this girl off of me, or... maybe not? Maybe it was nice for him too? I could hope. And then he said it. "I kind of liked sleeping close like that. Did you?"

All I could manage was a nod, because my voice sure wasn't gonna work. He didn't seem to notice, though, and he gave me a second kiss before getting up to go steal the shower like he always did. As I listened to him start the water and push the shower curtain around, I wondered what would happen tonight.

Luke's POV

Okay, now I was officially going crazy. I'd laid there for an hour after I pulled her over onto me, both wishing and not wishing she would wake up. Finally I knew the alarm would go off soon and went for our good morning kiss, and there she was opening her eyes. Then I wished I would've woken her up sooner, and we could've shared those minutes together. Or, she would've left in a huff seeing what I'd done, and then I'd have nothing to be going crazy about all day.

Because holding her like that was something I could really get used to. Heck, I already got used to it in that one short hour. I'd laid there and wished that I was really her husband. I mean, I am, but... you know what I mean. The whole deal. The death do us part, the never leave and always trust stuff, however the vows go. I wanted her to trust me, and most of all I wanted her to want us to stay married even after she turned eighteen. I wanted a real shot at this, without the 'we had to' thing hanging over us. But would she? Heck, I didn't know. That was eight months away. I didn't even know if she would want me around one more night. I guess I would see tonight.

Katie's POV

I was too unsure about everything at bedtime. Do I go to my bed? Or his? Or.. .what? I ended up just standing there beside my bed for so long that Luke passed my room and saw me. He looked at me for a minute, then he actually reached out and took my hand and led me down the hall and held the covers for me while I got in. Then he turned out the light and got in on his side. Well, that solved that. I knew he'd be asleep way before I was because my heart was gonna keep me awake with its pounding.

I laid there for about five minutes before it happened. He rolled to face me and in the darkness I couldn't see his hand move, but then it was touching my cheek. He never touched me at night, only in the morning to kiss me hello. But now he was cupping my face in his hand, and then there were his lips on mine. Good night kisses too? That would be okay. That would be great. I loved kissing Luke. I would do it all the time, night and day, if he only wanted it. Oh gosh, I was falling for him. Bad idea. Stupid idea. Less than eight months left.

His kisses didn't stop coming though, and I didn't stop returning them. I couldn't have. I wanted more. And this time I was getting more. His hand left my cheek and slid down my neck, down my shoulder, onto my waist. And he was slowly pushing me onto my back and he was halfway on top of me when he stopped kissing me all of a sudden. His breathing was rough, just like mine, but he was probably just needing air while I was needing him.

"Why are you letting me do this?" he whispered.

Oh no. How was I supposed to answer? I couldn't tell him what I was feeling. My heart couldn't stand another breaking right now, and I knew good and well he didn't love me. "I... you kiss good." I cringed at my own stupid words

"Oh." After a second he let go of me and rolled back over onto his back and just laid there in the darkness. I turned toward him but as I did he rolled away, and my heart hurt anyway. Dang hearts.

Luke's POV

I was a good kisser. Great. So anybody with a decent set of lips could come along and Katie would let them climb into bed with her and do whatever they wanted. She'd probably already let Randy do all kinds of stuff. Maybe even... no. I wasn't gonna go there. I didn't even want to think about that. I couldn't believe she would, not really. She still felt pretty innocent when I was kissing her, and I hoped... well, never mind what I hoped. I had the normal amount of testosterone for an eighteen year old guy, and Lord knows there was plenty I wanted to do to her, but this wasn't about that. It was about me and her, and whether we might actually be able to make something out of this. But it had to be more than just kissing in the dark. We still hardly even talked. I wanted to, I just didn't know how to start changing things. The more I was around her the worse I wanted to but the more tongue-tied I got.

When I asked her that, I was hoping she might say she was starting to love me, or even like me. Or at least starting to like being married to me. But the good kisser remark kinda ticked me off. I suppose I should be glad that she didn't say I was a rotten kisser. But still. It wasn't even close to what I wanted.

Katie's POV

I don't understand guys at all. I guess my answer must have really been wrong. Who knew guys wouldn't want to hear they were good kissers? When I told him good morning, he headed for the shower without an answer or our usual good morning kiss. So I left him eating breakfast and walked to school. So okay, he was mad. So how do you explain the fact that a few hours later, he kissed me in front of half the senior class?

I'm not kidding. Right in front of the senior benches. It just happens to be the place I always see him, between second and third periods on my way to Music. He's usually there lounging with his buddies, and today was no exception. The only exception to the norm was that when I saw him, his eyes were already locked on me. It got me so flustered that I didn't see Mark Fletcher's big feet sticking out and I tripped over them and fell, right onto my hands and knees, books and notes flying everywhere. Laughter rippled up and down the hallway as I scrambled after my stuff, and I'm sure my ego was hurting even more than the pain in my knees, and then Luke was there squatting beside me and picking up the last of my stuff. I got to my feet the same time he did, and he held out my notes but he was looking at me so hard I couldn't look back. I reached out but instead of handing me the notes he stepped forward and we were real close together and the laughter and chatter kinda died off and then he kissed me. Not a gross slurping type kiss like some kids did to show off, but the romantic kind that he gave me in the mornings. When he moved back he still stayed close, and it was real quiet all around us, and then he gave me a nervous little smile. "Good morning."

Finally.

"Wife," I reminded him quietly.

"Good morning, wife," he repeated.

"Good morning, husband," I said, and boy you better believe everybody started talking then. Luke just ignored it and handed me my notes.

He left his friends gaping at us and walked beside me as I headed to class. "Have a nice trip?" he asked, and I felt his fingers weave into mine. He was holding my hand, and I liked it.

I smiled. "Yeah. You could say that."

"Glad to hear that." We turned down the music hall but then he stopped and pulled away. "What room's your class in?" he asked, backing up as I turned to watch him.

"14."

"Okay. Be right back." He turned and sprinted for the doors and blasted out of them, and I waited outside the classroom until the bell rang and I had to go in, but I wondered what he was talking about. Not two minutes into the lecture there was a knock on the door frame and Luke was standing there breathing like he'd run a marathon and I thought 'uh-oh'. Mr. Russell stopped talking and looked over and said "Yes, Mr. Jordan?" like he always did with students.

"I need Katie, just for a second." Mr. Russell tilted his head, pointing me toward the door, and I got up and went out into the hallway with Luke, and he held out his hand. Our rings were laying there in his palm. I looked up at him, surprised, and his expression was one big question. I took my ring, and he took his, and we slid them on. He nodded as I held up my hand to show him, and backed away. "Don't take it off," he said softly.

"I won't."

He turned and started down the hall, and I went back into the room and sat down at my desk as inconspicuously as I could and picked up my pen and pretended to take notes while all I could think about was him kissing me in the hallway with everybody watching. And the biggest surprise of all was that I wasn't mad. In fact, I didn't mind at all.

Luke's POV

When I got back to class, Mrs. Mason wasn't there and the room was buzzing and electric with curiosity, and every single eye followed me to my seat. I knew everybody was talking about us, but nobody said a word about it to me. All the girls kept sneaking looks at my left hand to check out the proof, and all the guys looked confused about what I had that they didn't. I was the only married guy in school. And Katie was generally considered to be pretty cute, and I'd taken her off the market. I know it sounds like I was getting one big ego trip out of the whole thing, but it wasn't that. I didn't want the guys nudging me and speculating on all the hot sex I was getting every night, and I didn't want the girls thinking maybe they'd missed out on my irresistible studliness. I guess it was just my way of putting it out there that I loved Katie, since I couldn't seem to tell her directly. Maybe if everybody else knew, she'd figure it out too.

Mrs. Mason came in a couple of minutes later and I saw her look me over, and I kept my left hand in sight on my desk in case that's what she wanted to see. Evidently it was, because she finally started class and everybody stopped whispering. Until the bell rang, anyway.

Katie's POV

So, yeah, we were the big news all that week. And it's not like we started making out in the halls or suddenly Luke walked me to every class. Things pretty much stayed normal after that first day with all the "are you really?" questions. Some people including teachers did act a little funnier around me and I caught some kids looking at my stomach, but my real friends took it in stride although I could tell they were dying to ask stuff. I was glad they didn't, because I sure didn't have the answers. I barely knew what was going on myself. The only thing that really changed was that now Luke waited for me by the doors after school and he would either carry my backpack or hold my hand on the way out to the car. Holding hands with him was almost as nice as kissing him. His hands were bigger than mine, and I felt safe and loved when we were physically connected like that. And when he would drop me off at home and drive off to go to work, I'd kinda miss him.

Oh, wait. Did I say... loved? I'd never thought before that Luke might actually even like me a little, much less love me. But now, the more I thought about it, a little ray of hope started deep inside me. He was the one to kiss me at school. He was the one to start the whole sharing-a-bed thing, even if it was platonic except for the kisses. He wanted to wear his ring even though it would mean he was off the market as far as girls were concerned. And he was the one with the whole marriage idea in the first place.

No, I was pretty darn sure he didn't love me when he offered to marry me. He treated it pretty much like a business arrangement. Well, except for the look on his face when I came downstairs in my dress. And, for buying me the corsage. But that may have just been to make a nicer memory for me. He did have his moments. That, and the night he brought the pizza because he knew I was hurting over Randy dumping me. It startled me, that thought right there, that I was just now realizing that Randy really had dumped me. Not that I blamed him, but it surprised me that at some point my emotions had switched. Randy was no longer Mr. Wonderful who had no choice but to 'let me go'. He had other options but he didn't want them. And Luke was no longer the Emotionless Jerk who made it happen by marrying me, he was the one who stepped up when I needed him to, and put me before himself by marrying me. That wasn't a typical eighteen year old guy thing to do. It was, however, a Luke thing to do.

I hoped he loved me.