Alluring eyes stare me in the face,
ask me the questions that i cannot bear.
"How did he die?"
It causes my brain to explode; why didn't I try?
why don't I cry? Why couldn't it be me? I remember things,
but more than not I forget things. I answer him, and move
right a long - for I'm in a rush.
A quick peck on my cheek, hand trying to hold me back -
but I must go on, I push him aside.
Don't dwell, I remind myself, it'll only give you hell.
I spin out of his grasp, and I move along.
A (not-so) plastic smile on my face, and a soft laugh
rolling off my lips.
I walk in the rain, arms out - embracing it.
My heart tenders a bit, I hold my breath.
Fuck, how I miss him.
Another hand reaches out to me, trying to pulling down -
I fight it, yanking myself away from it.
Walk along, I tell myself, just walk along.
Things aren't so bad, I remember things an inch better now..
Like the embraces, and the big words -
his worried eyes, and his crazy faces.
Each day, my heart aches a little more -
but I don't let it consume me...
I don't let it control me.
I move a long, the best I can, refusing to be pulled down by
the hands. Instead reaching out, to be picked up - to look out,
and see the sun.
That's the way it should have been long ago, and I'm fairly sorry
I didn't realize that way back when.