205A/N: Wow, has it really been 5 months since I updated this? I knew it was a long time but I didn't think it was that long. I am so sorry, school, family; everything has just been all frenzied. It's kind of short, I'm sorry! But I hope you enjoy! Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes!
Chapter Twenty
Bad Day
Cain and I were supposed to meet up at Starbucks, to hang out and just spend the day together. He had some errands to run for his parents before he could get there, so I told him he didn't need to pick me up, I would get there myself.
Looking in the mirror I was scared. Not of Cain, but what he would say. I decided that today was the day I had to tell him about my plans to go back home with my mom for college. Kyle was still the only one who knew and he had done his part as best friend, he hadn't told anyone and, he only mentioned it when the two of us were alone.
There was a knock at my door and I jumped. The door opened and Kale stood in the doorway.
"Hey." He smiled.
"Hi Kale."
"Are you going somewhere?" he asked.
"Cain and I are going to Starbucks."
"Oh," he said, "Okay then I won't keep you."
He turned to leave but I grabbed his arm. "No," I said, "wait, I don't have to be there for an hour. Stay, talk with me."
He smiled down at me, and for a minute all the worries I had, about leaving, about Cain, they faded. I was glad to have Kale here.
We sat down on my bed and were quiet for a minute; I was fidgeting with my hands, pulling on the loose string of my ripped jeans.
"Are you okay?"
I looked up at him a little surprised. I guess I was that obvious. I looked back down at my hands and folded them calmly. "You seem nervous." He said.
I nodded, "I am."
"Why?" he asked, "What's wrong?"
"Today," I said, "I am going to tell Cain of my plans after high school."
"What are your plans?"
"Kale, I'm going back to Maryland."
His eyes widened and he looked shocked. "You're leaving?"
I nodded, "There's a University I always kind of wanted to go to at home, and my mom needs help, she's there all alone. And I miss certain things there. And I-"
"Cassidy, you don't have to explain." Kale put his hand on my knee and said, "This is your life. You can do what you want. Besides," he continued, "I'll be at Colombia, so we'll be really close."
I couldn't help but smile. "You Realize that's a three hour drive right?"
He shrugged, "Better than a six hour flight, right?"
"It's only a four hour flight."
He shrugged again. "Whatever, it's closer."
"Kale," I said, "do you know anything about Cain's plans after high school?"
Kale didn't say anything. His jaw tightened and he shook his head. It was such an obvious lie, and I wanted to know what he was hiding! What was Cain hiding? I was scared. Were his parents shipping him off to another country? Would they forbid him to see me? All of these ridiculous ideas get popping into my head and I tried to get rid of them but all of them lingered in the back of my mind.
"Come on," Kale said getting off of my bed, "I'll take you to meet Cain."
We went down stairs and Nathan called out to Kale.
"Hey man," he said, "where are you going?"
"Chill," Kale said, "I'll be right back."
We drove quietly to the Star bucks that Cain and I were planning on meeting at. I could feel my heart race quicken as we got closer and the knots in my stomach got worse. Kale must have noticed because he said, "Don't worry Cassidy. This is your life."
He parked and smiled at me. "If he doesn't take it well," he said, "I'll talk to him, okay?"
"Thanks Kale."
I got out of the car and I saw Cain's motorcycle parked in the parking lot. I walked in feeling a little bit stronger. I tugged on the locket Uncle Troy had given me from my father and felt a little better.
Cain saw me and stood up. He smiled when he saw me and gave me a hug, then kissed my cheek. He ordered our drinks and then came back to sit with me.
"Are you okay?" He asked. He was looking at me like he was worried, but with whatever look that was on my face, I would be worried too.
I wondered how I was going to do this. I knew that I had to; I knew that it had to be done. I couldn't just leave San Diego and California all together without telling Cain. But my heart was pounding and I was so scared of what he would say. Would he break up with me right then and there? He said he had loved me but was it a high school kind of love, the kind that fades in the first year of college, or was it a real love? I felt like I was really in love with Cain, but I was so young, how could I really know?
I tried to shake it off, why was I being so negative? How did I know that what he would say would even be bad? Maybe he would say that he could go to the University of Pennsylvania? After all it was an Ivy League school, right? His parents surely couldn't protest against him going to such a prestigious school. Then he would only be a state away.
"Cassidy?"
"Cain, I have to talk to you about something."
He got a serious look on his face and asked what it was. I took a deep breath. I had to do this. I had to be strong. It wasn't like I was going to tell him I was pregnant or something. God, I could only imagine how hard it would be to tell him that if it was this hard to tell him this.
The barista called out his name and the drinks. Cain got up and picked up our drinks. He set them down on the table carefully, but his face was still serious.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Cain, I'm leaving." I said quietly. But I knew he heard me.
"You're leaving?"
"After we graduate, I'm going back to Maryland."
"Why?" his voice sounded so small, he sounded hurt.
"Cain, my mom needs help. I can't leave her alone in that house. She still has my dad's clothes hanging in her closet."
"Move her out here," he said, "She could come live out here."
"It's not fair that she has to leave the only place she's ever known, and loved just because of me."
"It's not fair that you have to leave all of the people you love for her." He said in a very controlled tone of voice.
"Cain, I'm going back because I want to. She hasn't asked me to and she never said she needed me to. But she's my mother and I love her. I won't just abandon her."
"But you'll abandon me?" he said, "Why didn't you talk to me about this?"
"Because every time I brought up anything about after high school you changed the subject, you refuse to talk about your plans, which makes me wonder what's really going on in your life Cain. Why can't you tell me anything?"
Cain stood up and said, "I have to go."
"Cain, what are you-"
He left his drink on our table and he got up and left. I stayed there, alone in that chair while people came and went. I was there for a while. But I was in shock. He had been so irrational. He just got up and left. I guess it was better than him making a public scene or yelling, or breaking up with me but he had just left. And I didn't know what to do.
Eventually, a couple asked me if they could take the other chair, but I told them just to take the table. I picked up both of the untouched drinks and I left the building. I was once again miles from home without means of transportation. There was always the city bus but I was in no mood for being close to people. As I walked home I passed a homeless man and gave him both of the drinks, he looked like a child on Christmas and thanked me multiple times and said God bless.
As I walked home, I tried to think about how I felt, but I couldn't place it, I didn't know how I felt. I was hurt and I was mad, but at the same time I was relieved that I had finally told him. It had been bothering me for so long. But how could he have just left me there? And what did it mean now? What was going to happen now? I hadn't wanted to cry before but now I did. And I felt so weak again. I tried to hold my locket for strength but it wasn't working. I felt so pathetic crying so often over a boy and typical and cliché. But I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want to lose Cain and I felt like now I was closer to it than ever.
I got home and I just wanted to throw myself in my room lock the door and never come out. But fate would not let me have my way.
Aunt Caroline called me into the kitchen. I went in and I froze. Sitting at the table was my mom.
"Mom?"
"Oh, Cassidy, honey, I missed you so much."
She got up from the table to hug me. I felt like a child again, I didn't realize just how much I missed her. I felt myself start to cry. But even though I was more excited to see my mom than I had been ever in my life something was wrong. Her clothes were baggy, and I could feel her bones as we hugged. When she pulled back, I could see that her cheeks looked hollow and there were bags under her eyes. My mother had always taken care of herself. She had always been healthy. But now, she looked so sick, so pale.
"Mom, are you okay?"
She gave me a kind of sad smile and put her frail hand to my cheek. "Never mind me, baby girl, how are you? Why do you look so sad? Come tell me about it."
My mom followed me up to my room, she marveled at its great size shortly, but mommy instincts soon kicked in and she sat on my bed. She patted the spot next to her. I sat next to her and she put an arm around me. "Tell me what's the matter sweetie."
"I'm just having a bad day."
"Tell me."
It was insane how much I had missed her. It was mid May now, which meant that it had been almost nine whole months since I had seen her. But I did as I was told. I relayed everything to my mom, how I chose to go back home after I graduated, how I felt like I was losing Cain. My mom listened the whole time and didn't interrupt; she just stroked my hair and kissed my forehead.
"You know, honey," she said, "you don't have to come home." She said softly.
"But I want to mom."
Seeing her now, like this, so pale and sickly looking, and realizing how much I had missed her, it wasn't so much a want to go home, it was a need.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed it, so sorry it took so long! There are no promises on the next chapter either, but it's coming to a close soon. I promise it will be quicker than five months though!
Review!