Lying and Dying

And when I smile you know I'm lying without any doubt

I lie about the way I feel, lie about having things figured out

I lie when I tell you that I'm okay and everything is going to be fine

I lie when I say I'm not in pain while there's agony deep inside

You asked me why I lie to you and in my love there lies the truth

I never wanted any of my madness to affect you

I never wanted to see anyone cry for me the tears that I have cried

I never wanted to be remembered after I was gone and died

I never wanted someone else to suffer what I have already

The dagger through your heart and the numbness afterward that leaves you empty, unsteady

The pain the never washes away with all of the liquor you consume

The suffering that is forever silenced that suffocates deep inside of you

The feeling that everyday left in your life is a waste and therefore nothing at all

The feeling that there is an evil presence about you, eagerly waiting for you to fall

I walk with these feelings nevertheless praying they would go away

I pray that I won't hurt those who are walking the same path I did, one on one with pain.

Please God, spare their souls especially since you have cursed mine

I don't want that dagger to taint their hearts full of sunshine

Let them forget about me, let me wallow in this alone

Let me die in peace, today….tomorrow….no, it was yesterday that I was gone.