Holding back my tears, I held him close.
He had been hurt in the most vile of ways.
I held back my rage, loathing, and violence that streamed through my veins. Right now, he needed me. Right now, all I had to offer was me. And running off to commit unspeakable crimes to the person that had done this, given that I could even find them in the first place, wouldn't help much right now anyway.
Nothing I could do would make it go away. I let out a soft sigh and pet his hair, I can do nothing.
It's the next day now, he's still quiet. He doesn't want to talk but tells me he still loves me softly at the breakfast table. He doesn't eat much of the food I laid out for him, two poached eggs, a biscuit, and a small bowl of oatmeal. He finishes off his orange juice and returns to bed. I worry.
I ask a friend of mine who's majoring in psychology about what I can do. She's a junior but is reluctant to advice me, though eager to help, though that may seem contradictory. She told me not smother him with worry, and to give him space when he needed it. Sometimes he would cling to me, and others he may not want to be anywhere near me. She told me that most importantly, I should believe in him and support him through it all, and be willing to talk about anything he may need to talk about.
But what was I to be supportive about, when he told me nothing? He was watching me with those knowing eyes. "I still love you," he told me and went back to sleep. Did he believe he had done something wrong, that I would need this reassurance? Did he think that he had wronged our relationship by it happening? "I still love you." His words stung in my ears.
I once mentioned that maybe he should try some counseling. A stern look, he shook his head, no. It's hard to tell someone they need help; it's worse when you know that "professional" help doesn't necessarily help at all. I couldn't help but think that the responses of the people you care about most help more than someone with a P.H.D telling you how you should 'heal.'
But with the growing silence between us, I didn't know what else I could do for him.