Mere Image

I am the mere image of her. I've never met her in my life but I know how she looks, I know how she acts, and I know her. I am the mere image of my Grandmother. While many have the strike of luck of knowing their grandparents, mine was robbed away. I've seen a total of one picture my entire life of her. Its evident that she is old and tired in this picture, but she is beautiful to me. Ever since I was old enough to understand I have been compared to her. In my heart I hoped I would get to meet her, to tell her that even though I never knew her that I love her. She passed away and I never saw her. I don't even own a picture of her, its my dad's, and I would never ask for it because he loves her as much, if not more, as me. I talked with her on the phone once. It was right after her first heart attack, I can't even remember her voice or what she said but I know she was happy to hear from me or at least that's what I can recall. I talk just like her, I slur my "s" and "r". I part my hair the same zigzag weird way that she did.

She has seen me. She delivered me, see I was born in Mexico. So she was my mothers midwife, she cut my umbilical cord, she cleaned me, she put my first pair of clothes on. Fast forward to 8 months and I was gone. My family came to the U.S. , illegally. Everyone thinks its so easy coming here like that and starting a new life. They are dead wrong. The thing that they miss, is the people, their family. Because of this I couldn't see my grandmother. I couldn't go to her funeral. I never asked for this and I have to pay the price. Its like I'm missing a part of me, its not here, its dead. It left with her and I can't get it back.

I remind too many people of her. I shove it in their face that she isn't alive, that they will never see her again. Im a constant reminder of what they can't have, or what they have lost. I know this, and I can't change it. If I scream, its her screaming. If I cry its her crying. I am her shadow, its not fair or right.