All in the Name of Love


I looked up from my desk littered in so many things I couldn't find my coffee cup I'd set upon it five minutes ago. I mean, it had to be here, didn't it? Cups didn't just walk off, did they?


The cup is neon pink, how could I have lost it amongst all these papers that are…paper colored? Maybe someone stole it? They were so jealous of my pink leopard print cup that they stole it!

"Sara-freaking-may!" she yelled.

I casually looked up at the annoying pest standing before my hoard of papers. "Yes?"

"I've been calling you for ten minutes now," the woman said with a sweet little smile on her overly tan face.

"Did you need something?" I really didn't like her, I bet she stole it, the little—

"I have something I need to show you," she said, in mock excitement but I saw the smug little grin behind those fangs that everyone else says aren't there. I swear she's the devil's spawn and I am God's greatest angel.

"What is it?" I asked, glaring at her.

"Follow me and I shall show you," she said, wagging her butt like a Cocker Spaniel as she walked out of my office.

Because I was such a great 'friend' (What? I was curious!) I raced after her and to her office which is smaller than mine. (I had it measured and it is four inches shorter.) She grabbed a pair of binoculars off her desk so clean you could lick it and not get a single dust bunny, unlike mine. She pulled the binoculars up and shoved them in my face. "Look."

I did, and oh my god! "I see a tree."

"Look at your boyfriend's office," she said, pointing through the window, across a street and halfway up a work building where I knew my boyfriend was dutifully working. "He's got another woman in there."

I snorted, like Ryan would ever cheat on me! I'm the perfect girlfriend/wife prospect. I looked, and looked again…and one more time just to be sure.

"Your binoculars are broken."

She grabbed them and looked through them. "They are not!"

"Yes they are, there is a scratch in them that looks like a hot blonde chick sitting on Ryan's desk."

The evil bitch giggled like a five-year-old child, well until I planted my ass right on her desk and sat there with her binoculars…for two hours straight, narrating everything the two love birds were doing.

"Oh, look, she just kissed him! Can you believe that!"

The woman groaned. "Will you shut up? Go to your own room, you're giving me a headache."

The next day was the same, I can't say that the woman stayed as long, because I left work early to race my skinny butt over to Wal-Mart and start looking for the discount items. I was like one of those people who have one minute to shove as many things in their cart to get them all free. Only I didn't get them free, but I was out of there before the song on the radio could have even changed.

I flung my new items into the passenger seat as if they were the reason of my anguish, and floored the car away. Only problem was that I hadn't started the car yet, so I really didn't go anywhere. Then I realized that my keys weren't even on me, so I had to run back into the store and run my route again…and again…and one more time with the store manager because they were hiding from me.

Defeated, I stormed back to my car so I could call my mom to bring the extra set. Nearly growling in protest, I slumped in my seat and something touched my knee. I curved my neck around and stared in disbelief as my keys were sitting in the ignition, just not turned on. In anger, I turned it as hard as I could, letting my madness filter out until I heard I nice little snap.

"Oh shit…" I held my key in my hand…well…half of it, but…the car was running! I'd worry about that little problem later.

I floored it to Ryan's house, hitting every stop light possible and getting stuck behind a person that didn't know how to drive. I rode their ass all the way there and when the line in the road turned dotted, I floored past them, not caring that it was a ninety-year-old man driving. And I might have given him a heart attack.

Once at his house I used the key he so happily had given me last Christmas. And as I stuck the key within the door I began to wonder if he too had given her a key, a better one too…it probably had hearts engraved on it. I let myself in and set my bag of goodies in the kitchen that I knew so well, where he'd first told me he loved me.

I pulled out a paint can and shook the green paint until I heard the ball giggling around like music to my ears. I popped off the lid and, grinning malevolently, spelled out a pretty little word for him on that nice little table.

I leaned back to observe my masterpiece as I tried to wipe the paint that had dribbled out on my finger, away.

"Shit!" I screamed, stomping my feet. RICK. "How can you forget the P?" I cried to myself. But I couldn't add the P because I'd spelled it so large…

Now how's that fun? He'll think some dud named Rick did it.


The prize Persian show cat walked up to me and rubbed on my leg. I picked him up and ran a hand through his rich, white, long coat of hair. "Come on Jingles," I said, carrying the blue eyed cat into the bathroom. I grabbed Ryan's electric razor and ran it down the cat's back. He just dutifully purred as I continued to shave him until all was hairless besides his feet and tail.

Well…not exactly hairless…I wasn't that good, there were a few parts that were longer than the other, but nonetheless, he was…ugly now.

I laughed manically as I set the hairless cat down.

I skipped into the kitchen where I looked around curiously and caught my eyes on the cupboards. I quickly opened them all, just how he hated it. Then, using a chair from the kitchen table, I removed all the fiber paneling that made up the ceiling of the kitchen and hid them in the closet. After I was satisfied, I moved to his bedroom where I scooped up all of his underwear and shoved them all into the toilet then preceded to flush it. It doesn't work to well, trust me.

Then I fetched from my handy little Wal-Mart bag, four things of laundry soap and poured all into the washing machine and set it on large load.

Oh yes, I destroyed that house, everything from spreading used cat litter in-between his sheets to rubbing his pillow in peanuts which he was semi-allergic to. I even brushed the remaining hair on Jingles with his toothbrush. All in the name of love.

I pulled the showerhead off and poured powder paint inside. Then I filled his soap bottles with the only thing at hand, the shaved cat hair.

I ripped open a bag of pads and stuck every last one on his front door, and without another word, but a smug smile, I headed back to work.

"Saramay?" the little witch that told me about my boyfriend, said as she trotted into my room, boobs a bouncing.

"What?" I asked smiling sweetly.

"Ryan's here to see you."

I grinned evilly and laughed.

"Don't ever do that again."

"Send him in."

"Alright." She left, but quickly returned with Ryan and the blonde chick. If only I had more spray paint. The evil woman (not the blonde) watched from the doorway, where she could hear every tidbit she could catch.

Ryan looked nervous even scared, but wait until he saw his house!

"Um…hi, Sara."

"Hello, Ryan," I said dragging out each syllable in his name.

"Um…Sara? I'm really sorry…about…please don't hate me okay?" he asked.

I gasped in mock surprise. "Whatever for?" I said, watching him bite his lips. Screw him for being cute in a time like this.

"Ryan, just say it," the blonde said like she was irritated with him for putting it off.

"Saramay? I…didn't mean to…I'm sorry but…"


"I…broke your favorite cup," he said.

"Huh?" I asked, cocking my head to the side like a signature dog motion.

"Your pink one? I accidently broke it."

The blonde laughed. "Don't worry, we bought you a better one!" She held the new pink one…that was definitely better, out for me.


"Oh my god! I'm sorry, I'm like going in backward order. I'm Kelly, it's such a pleasure to meet you!" the blonde said.

Kelly, Kelly…why does that name sound so familiar?

I looked up at Ryan…at his blond hair…at… "Oh shit." I started laughing like it was a big joke. "Kelly…Ryan's…sister?" I asked between fits of giggles.

"Ryan didn't you tell her I was coming?" the pretty blonde asked.

"Oh, I told her."

"Heh he he…" I was trying to conceal my laughter behind my hand.

"Um…Saramay, do you want to come to my house for dinner after work?"

"Heh…he…" I pole-vaulted over the desk, without a pole, I bet you can't do that!

And ran for the door, before rushing back and grabbing the new pink cup, without another word, I ran for my car that was still running in the parking lot…

I wonder how hard it'd be to glue the cat's hair back on?