I remember you holding me as I cried. I had done something bad, and you and daddy were upset with me. I told you I was sorry, I told you I was a naughty girl and the angel inside me had died because I was so bad. You started crying too, mommy. I remember us both crying and you told me angels can't die, you told me angels never died.

Why does Simon always have to go out on Friday nights, mommy? Why can't big brother stay home and play with me? He won't let me tell you or his friends this, but sometimes mommy, I can get him to play tea party with me! He lets me put a tiara on him and everything, I love big brother mommy, why does he have to go?

Daddy always asks him questions before he leaves. He won't give Simon the car keys unless he nods his head answering every question with an answer that pleases daddy. You hug him really tight before he leaves every Friday night mommy. You tell him you love him more times than I can count. You tell him to be safe and to be back before midnight. He always leaves so quickly mommy, but he still hugs me and tells me "We'll play tomorrow Juice." He's never ever broken that promise to me before mommy, but I know you don't care; you just wander why he calls me Juice. I pinky sweared I wouldn't tell no one, but truth is mommy, I accidentally spilled grape juice on his rug. I know he told it was him, but it was me mommy. I remember him saying something I didn't really understand and quickly telling me not to repeat it, but one time when Conner Gray colored over my picture for Simon in red crayon I repeated those words. I'm sorry mommy.

"Now that Simon's gone, will you play with me?" I really just want to play that new board game daddy got me while at the store. He says he used to play it when he was a little boy.

"Why don't you just color for awhile sweetie, you have to go to bed soon anyways."

I pouted a bit, saying it wasn't fair that you and daddy played upstairs together all the time and you hardly ever played with me. Your cheeks went red mommy and daddy didn't look so good either, so I just went to the kitchen table so I could color a picture for Simon. Simon played with me all the time, he deserved another picture.

I drew me and Simon mommy. He was tall and I drew him in his favorite green shirt. I wonder why he likes that shirt so much, mommy. I look really different compared to him; Simon's so tall and I'm all short. Plus he got your beautiful golden hair that reminds me of his soccer trophy while I have daddy's brown hair that reminds me of Maddy. By the way mommy, I heard daddy yelling at Maddy last night, he told her to shut up, but I guess she deserved it she was barking really loudly.

I drew our tree mommy, that big one out in the front yard. Remember when Simon fell out of it one time and while his friends laughed you came out of the house screaming telling daddy to call 911. You overreacted mommy, he was fine only a few scratches.

I don't care how lovely the picture is mommy; I don't want to go to bed yet! I want to stay up and wait for big brother to come home.

"Well how do you expect to play with Simon all day tomorrow if you're so sleepy?"

I think about it for awhile, you drive a good argument woman (I heard that from Uncle Brad, he always calls you woman.)

"Fine, but when he gets home, you better tell him I tried to stay awake for him, but you made me go to bed."

You laugh at this, but I don't see what's so funny so I just storm off to my room. Daddy reads me my new favorite story, Green Eggs and Ham; it's a very good book mommy. You two hug me good night, I don't think my eyes will stay open for much longer mommy.

Ugh, the phone keeps ringing mommy! Won't you answer it? I can't sleep with this noise mommy. What was that thump, did you fall down the stairs mommy? I can't let you stay there injured, I'll get a Band-Aid! You're not at the bottom of the stairs, but the good news is that the phone stopped ringing.

Why is the sun coming up? Is it that early already? Why are you crying mommy? Why is daddy holding you? Why is he crying too? Daddy says he never cries. Why are you two crying on the floor? Should I cry too mommy? The phone keeps saying your name mommy. Mrs. Roberts? Sarah. Sarah. Sarah? Do they hear you crying mommy? Can they see your tears too?

Where's Simon mommy? You keep calling him. Do you want me to get him for you? Mommy, what's going on? You grab my hand and pull me down to the floor with you, you hold me tight, tighter than you hold Simon when he leaves. I'm confused and I don't know what to do. I just hand you the Band-Aid and tell you how everything will be just fine.

Nothing was fine, mommy. You told me to go back to sleep and you'd explain it all in the morning. I did and when I woke up for the second time today I didn't like what you said. You sat me down and told me Simon got hurt and he wouldn't be coming home. You said some boys from his school didn't like that he was kissing Xander. Mommy, you said that they tried to hurt them both, but big brother was brave and wouldn't let them touch Xander. You said they hurt him real bad. I asked if he could play with me tomorrow then, you said Simon couldn't play with me at all anymore. Why do people have to be like this mommy? Why can't they see that Simon was brave, that Simon fought for his love?

"I don't believe you! You're a liar! Just leave me alone!"

I can feel those same tears you cried last night in my eyes mommy. I don't cry, big girls aren't supposed to cry. I shouldn't being crying at your lies mommy. Simon's not dead, Simon can't die. I thought you said angels never die.