Crying Skies

.xxx.
.xxx.
.xxx.
a one-shot by tatiana knight
.xxx.
.xxx.
.xxx.

She felt dead inside.

Emma's whole body felt numb as she sat at on the windowsill of her bedroom window, looking out at the city below her. Emma knew that everyone else was experiencing the world she wish she could know, wish she could feel, wish she could belong to.

She pushed a hand through her dark hair as tears came to her eyes. She wished that she could take away the pain he had caused to make her feel this way. She wished that she had the courage to leave her apartment, her bedroom, and experience life again. But she couldn't make herself do any of that.

She had tried once, she had tried to leave her apartment but she only made it to the elevator before she retreated back into her apartment and bolted the door. That day Emma had cried until there were no more tears in her to cry.

Taking a deep breath Emma opened the window to let the fresh air in, the sky was dark with clouds bringing the smell of rain to the normally smoggy city. Sitting at her window was as close as she would ever get to the outside again.

He had ruined it for her and Emma didn't even know his name. All she knew about him was that he smelled like stale cigarettes and Irish Spring, that his voice was nails on a chalkboard to her, and that even the thought of him made her want to vomit. His hair had been a muddy brown and looked as oily as the inside of an deep fryer, his eyes had also been brown; they looked as cold as mud and soulless to their very depths.

She shifted slightly and pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as she laid her head down to look out. Rain was comforting to her yet its what had ultimately lead to her demise, which was ironic in any forms she could think of. The one thing that always always gave her peace was the one thing that changed her life.

Because it was raining she had decided it would be a good idea to walk home from work. She had only lived a few blocks away and the walk would give her time to think except she hadn't counted on the fact that it was extra dark with the moon and stars not being able to shine through the thick blanket of clouds. Though, she didn't care, the crime rate in that part of town was relatively low and hardly anything she was going to worry over. Besides it would save her the cab fare.

She had only made it two blocks away from work when she had been grabbed and pulled into an alleyway without anyone else on the street noticing. A cold blade had been forced up against her throat as she was forced behind a putrid smelling dumpster and shoved against a brick wall.

Emma was ready to scream and fight until he growled at her, "Keep your mouth shut or I'll cut out your fucking tongue out."

In that instant her body froze over, her mind reeling at what could happen, what was going to happen to her. She cried. She cried as he shoved up her long skirt and tore off her panties, cried even harder when he penetrated her. When he was finished he punched her hard on the side of the head causing her to fall to the ground and curl into a ball.
Emma laid on the ground curling into a ball until long after the rain and rape had stopped. Her eyes open wide staring at the opposite wall of the alleyway, her mind not working the way it should and her body aching all over.

She wasn't sure how long she'd been there before someone noticed her legs sticking out from behind the dumpster and called 9-1-1. Even when the Paramedics and police arrived and she found out that the man had taken her purse with him she couldn't react. She couldn't cry or scream or talk. Her body officially going numb at the thought of the man knowing where she lived, having his hands all over her belongings like he had them all over her body.

Emma remembered coming home from the hospital three days later and having the superintendent change the locks on her doors and add two extra deadbolts and a chain lock so that she knew she was safe from any outside source. He would never get into her house and hurt her, never here where she felt safest.

Even as Emma sat at the open window with the clouds heavy with rain she couldn't believe it had been a year since that tragic night. A year whole year had passed but it still felt as raw and painful as it had when she was laying in the alleyway. Dealing with the pain had been difficult over the year, her family had tried to get her to go to counseling but she wouldn't. They tried to get her to leave the apartment but she didn't dare. They encouraged her to talk about what happened, trying to coax her into meeting new people but she refused knowing that she was inviting the hurt to happen all over if she left the sanctuary of her apartment.

Except with her sitting on the windowsill looking out she hated how she would die in this apartment, how she would never know what it was like to be outside again. And after a year she had to end it all.

Taking a deep breath she uncurled her knees and turned so that her feet were hanging out the window and resting on the ledge outside her window and slowly pushed herself out the window so she was standing on that ledge. The ledge itself wasn't that large, only a foot and a half wide at the most so standing on it was a balancing act, knowing that her footing was important so she didn't fall. Her hands gripped the underside of the window to help her maintain the balance she needed.

The cool air against her skin brought a small smile to her lips, her head looking up at the sky just in time for a small raindrop to land on her cheek.
It was time.

Closing her eyes, she let her her hands falls away from the window her arms going out straight as she slowly inched herself farther to the edge. When her toes curled over the edge she waited; calmly and patiently she just stood there with her eyes closed and the window blowing ever so slightly.

In that moment Emma let herself fall, her body still feeling at peace for one of the few moments in a year and as she felt the sky opened up and let the rain fall.
The last thought was of the sky that was crying for her, of the angels in Heaven that mourned her loss and the loss of her life and of her family that would mourn but nothing meant more to her than the crying skies.