"Hello Jesse."

I looked up from my spot on the couch to see my new doctor. She was young, no more than twenty-five maybe. Her blonde hair was piled up on her head in some complicated bun type thing. She was smiling at me. How could she be so nice when I had nearly killed Chase? Did she not know about it yet?

"How are you doing?" she asked, poising her pen over her little notebook.

I debated briefly whether I should tell the truth or lie…be an ass or myself. I decided that I hated it here and if I told the truth, they could fix me faster and I could get out of here. So truth it was.

"I haven't been doing so hot," I said.

"And what exactly do you mean by that?" she asked, scooting her plush office chair closer to me.

"Uh…I mean that I haven't been doing so well lately," I clarified. Was she stupid? With all that blonde hair, one had to wonder…

She jotted something down and smiled up at me. "Has anything been bothering you recently?" she asked, once again scooting closer. Was she deaf or something? Or did she think that physical closeness was something that I wanted?

I really didn't want her so close so I sunk back in the couch as far as I could. "How recent is 'recently'?" I questioned.

"The last week or so I suppose."

The last week had been the worst week of my entire life, so yeah, everything had been bothering me. Did they not tell her anything or was she just trying to get me to "open up?" I decided to play nice. "Pretty much everything has been bothering me recently. I've been having a rough time."

"What's been bothering you?" she asked sympathetically.

This was the hard part. Could I really get everything out without breaking down? Maybe. I took a deep breath and said, "Well, my dad betrayed me, raped and murdered my girlfriend, killed my mom, and almost beat me to death. Then I got stuck in here and people laugh at me because I hallucinate sometimes and have breakdowns. Chase really pissed me off earlier by insulting me and this quiet guy that didn't deserve it so I tried to kill him. They sedated me and sent me back to my room. I woke up about a half hour ago and Mrs. Hollings brought me here to see you. I don't really trust people anymore and I don't like this whole "opening up" shit but I figure that I want out of this looney bin as soon as possible so I'm trying to cooperate. But it's uncomfortable for me and I hate having to share personal details with strangers. The food sucks and my room is ugly. The bed is lumpy and the blankets aren't warm enough. I guess that's everything that's been going on and bothering me and making my life hell at the moment. Make what you will of it because I don't want to talk anymore."

She looked a bit taken aback, her face looking somewhere between sympathetic and horrified. She had to clear her throat a few times before speaking. "Well uh…let's start at the beginning," she said quietly, looking down at her messily penned notes. She'd had to write fast enough to keep up with me. She squinted at the words briefly. "You say your father betrayed you. What exactly do you mean by that?"

I just stared at her blankly. Was she stupid? Did she really not know the meaning of the word "betrayed?" Before I could stop myself, I voiced my thoughts aloud. She seemed a little hurt that I thought she was stupid, but she covered it up with a shaky smile and said, "What I meant Jesse, was um…never mind. What was your father like before the incident?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," I said, crossing my arms and looking like a spoiled, pouty child who hadn't gotten their way. I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. If she kept pushing, I was going to break down, or worse—snap.

"Jesse?" she asked, placing her hand on my arm.

I flinched back from her, jerking away almost violently. "Don't touch me," I snarled.

She pulled back. "Sorry." I think she was waiting for an, "It's alright," or a, "Don't worry about it." But she wasn't going to get either of those because it wasn't okay and she needed to learn that me and physical contact was a big no-no.

"Well…is there anything that you would like to share, just to get it out?" she asked, pushing a stray hair out of her face and looking at me expectantly.


She sighed. "Like you said, Jesse, to get out of here, you have to cooperate. You're not okay and you need help. I'm here to help you."

I looked at her, my unwavering gaze making her slightly uncomfortable. "I already told you the gist of everything. Why do you need more? You people are so pushy here." The last part I mumbled quietly, hoping she wouldn't hear.

"Jesse…I need you to elaborate on what you've already told me. I need to see the depth of your…problem." She said the last part of her sentence quietly too, probably hoping that I wouldn't hear. But I did.

"You know what happened the last time I elaborated?" I asked lowly. She was starting to make me mad. I obviously didn't want to talk about it, so why did she keep pushing? Wasn't this whole thing supposed to go at my pace anyway?

"Tell me," she said, poising her little pen over her paper again.

I leaned forward a little, holding onto myself tighter. Whether for comfort or to stop myself from doing something stupid, I wasn't sure. "The last time someone pushed for more information, I attacked someone, even though she deserved it, was forced into a straight jacket because I was apparently hurting myself, and I hallucinated that my doctor was trying to kill me. It woke up half the damn hospital. I'm sure you were there or at least caught wind of it. Yeah, I think I took a few steps backwards with that there. So if you want to fuck me up more, feel free to keep harassing me. If not, then I would like to go. I'm hungry."

"You can't leave yet, we still have forty-five minutes left," she said, scribbling something down in her notebook.

I laid down on the couch, my back facing her. "Then just shut up and let me sleep." She didn't say anything after that and I was grateful for the silence. I didn't want to talk and I didn't want to hear her giving me shit about it. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to dream. I wanted to see my mom again. I wanted to see Cherry again. I just wanted it all to end.

I felt a hand in my hair a moment later. "Stop touching me," I growled, moving my head to get away from her.

"But I love your hair," she said, trying to touch me again.

I rolled over and looked at her. She thought it looked good with chunks missing? If she thought that now, she needed to wait til it grew out and fixed itself. I glared at her. "If you love it so much then take a fucking picture but stop touching me. Really."

She smiled and reached for me again. I sat up and scooted to the other end of the couch. "What the hell is your problem? Quit fucking touching me. I don't like it. What are you? Some kind of freaked out pedophile? You like fucked up kids that are younger than you?"

She didn't speak, but her smile grew wider and more…menacing? I wasn't sure, but it changed and I really didn't like it. She stood and came over to me. "What the hell are you doing?!" I nearly yelled, pulling my feet up beneath me in preparation to spring at her if need be. I wasn't sure what her intentions were, but if she threatened me in any way, I would attack. Did it make me a bad person that I had no qualms about attacking and hurting girls? Even if it did, I honestly didn't care.

"Whatever are you talking about Jesse?" she asked, her voice sickly sweet. Her dangerous expression however, didn't change. The hungry expression combined with the falsely concerned voice reminded me of the last time I had seen my father. His malevolent stare and cheery voice filled my mind, taunting me.

Watsa matter Jesse? You gonna cry? You're so pathetic.

I clutched my head in my hands, tears welling up. "Stop it," I whispered, no longer concerned about my freaky doctor staring at me intently. The only thing I could focus on at the moment was that bastard's condescending voice, his mocking smile.

Go ahead, let it out. You always were a crybaby, his voice sneered, laughing at me.

"Stop," I whispered louder, my voice cracking with the first sob. Why was this happening to me? What had I ever done to deserve any of this?

You weren't supposed to exist, you know, his voice said casually, like he was talking about the weather.

"What?" I asked, horrified. I wasn't…what?

I never wanted kids, but I still loved Nikole then so I let it slide.

I couldn't speak. My father…my previously loving, caring, amazing father…didn't want me? I shook my head. No, this was stupid. He wasn't here, he was in jail…at least I hoped so. The voice in my head wasn't real. It was just my fears rising to the surface, haunting me.

Are you sure Jesse? Are you sure I'm not real?

"Yes." Yes, I was sure. It was just my imagination running wild. Very, very wild.


I clutched my head tighter, shaking it uselessly. "Go away." I felt tears trickling down my cheeks, stinging the shallow scratches around my eyes.

I'm ashamed to have such a pansy for a son.


I choked on a sob and had to take a deep breath. "Leave me alone." Then I felt hands on my wrists, trying to pull them away from my face, trying to restrain me.


I screamed, thrashing wildly, trying to get away. "Get the fuck off me!" I broke free suddenly and found myself on the floor.


I opened my eyes to see Mrs. Hollings kneeling next to me, her face far, far too close. "Get away from me!" I shrieked, getting to my knees and crawling toward the door. I had to get away. These people weren't helping. I'd only gotten worse since I'd been brought here. I had to get free.

As I struggled to my feet, using the doorway for support, I heard them calling for help. I didn't want to wait around for that help to get here. They would just sedate me again, send me back to my room. Hell, with the way I kept acting, they would probably never let me out of my room again. And I just couldn't deal with that. I couldn't.

I didn't get more than a few feet down the hall before two orderlies showed up, one holding a large needle. I screamed at them, hitting and kicking and biting anything that came near me. No way was I going to let them sedate me again.

You'll never win, my dad's voice whispered menacingly in my head. It caught me off guard and I paused just that much too long. I barely felt the needle being pulled out before my eyelids drooped and my body felt heavy.

No…I didn't want this. I wanted to stay awake. I didn't want to sleep. I didn't…no…

Sweet dreams ha, ha.

I didn't even have the strength to respond.