Not Going to Drown

I'm hurting,

But no one sees it, not beneath this aloof character

Not beneath this carefree smile.

There are so many days

Where I just want to cry,

But I never do.

I'm not allowed to cry.

I never let myself give in,

Not to all of this suffocating pain,

Not to this overwhelming anger,


To let one tear fall

Just one.

Would be to let a thousand more follow

Never to stop,

Until I find myself drowning

In all of my tears,

All of my sorrows,

All of my fears,

Unable to surface,

Unable to find myself,



So, with this chin held high,

This smile in place,

This heart protected by hundreds of walls,

Not a single tear


No matter how much I want to cry,

Not a single one