Dedication: Once again, I must thank everyone who has stuck with me through out the long breaks between updates.

Plagued By Guilt

Chapter Nineteen: Under the Weather

Two months had passed before I saw Abby again.

She had quit her job at Starbucks and moved out of our old apartment as soon as our lease was up. I could tell that she was trying to avoid me, and I could understand that. I deserved the cold shoulder I was getting from her.

I'd given up looking for her since she moved out of the apartment. I thought that maybe she had moved out of state, and if that were the case, I would've probably never seen her again.

But she hadn't.

It was Friday morning. I promised Diana that I would come over that evening and watch a bunch of movies with her, since Jonathan was going on a date with Kate tonight. I planned to get there earlier than expected, though, so I could take a bunch of photos of Jonathan and help him get ready.

Anyway, I was at the video store picking up some movies. I had gotten in line, when I heard an awfully familiar voice at the cash register.

"Hi, I'm Abby. How may I help you?"

My eyes widened at the sight of Abby. I wanted to rush over and give her a hug, but there was a strong part of me-the rational part of me-that was holding me back.

I didn't know what I was going to do, since Abby was the only cashier. A confrontation seemed very likely at that point. I suppose I could've put down the videos and walked away, but I was glued to the floor.

"Rosa?"

Abby was looking straight at me. Her eyes weren't full of anger, just confusion and sadness.

"Rosa, is that you?" she asked, sounding as if it had been many years since we last saw each other.

"Yes, Abby, it's me," I replied. I took a couple steps forward, and put my movies down on the counter. "I want to talk to you."

Abby nodded. "I do, too. Just let me ring up your movies, and then I'll go on break."

We didn't speak until we were outside the store, sitting on the warm sidewalk under a sale sign.

"Look, Rosa, I know I've been acting really rude these past couple of months, and I want to tell you why," Abby said, jumping right in.

"I already know why, Abby. It was because I lied to you." It was very hard to say, but it was the truth.

"No, it's more than that," Abby whispered, looking at a black stain on the sidewalk. "I could handle the lying. I really could. I just told myself that it wasn't."

"Then what was it?" I asked feeling very confused.

"I'm biased, I really am. I was mad at you because you got an abortion." Abby's voice seemed to get quieter as she finished the sentence.

"Abby!" I snapped, as anger boiled up inside of me. "Why do abortions bother you so much? You hardly know anything about them!"

"I was supposed to have a younger sibling!" Abby shouted, finally taking her eyes of the ground, and turning her face towards me. "My mother got pregnant when I was seven, and I was the first one she told! I was so excited, thinking that I was going to have a younger brother or sister! I hoped it was a girl, so I could have someone to watch over and to have look up to me! I was happy, but my mother wasn't. I didn't understand it at the time, but we just didn't have enough money to support another child. So my mother got an abortion."

"Oh, Abby, I'm so sorry. I didn't-"

"It took me two years to realize that the baby was never coming! I always would ask my mom about the baby, but she would always ignore the questions. When I finally turned ten, she flat out told me. She explained everything, in vivid detail! I cried so much that night..."

Abby's tears turned into sobs. I wanted to put my arms around her and apologize, but I knew that wouldn't make her feel better.

"So when I found out you had an abortion, I couldn't help it! Your face twisted into my mother's face! All I saw was hatred!" She continued yelling, not caring that people were staring.

Abby stopped shouting and bawled. She put her head in her hands, and let her shoulders shake with grief and pent-up rage. I was crying, too, but they were silent tears.

I was stupid. I was also very selfish, because I was blind enough not to see another person's pain: Abby's pain. It was worse than my own, and it was pain that I would never understand. I knew Abby's mom wasn't the best person in the world, but I never thought of her as evil, evil enough to explain an abortion to a ten-year-old kid.

Finally, when Abby's tears subsided into sniffles, I said something.

"You must've hated me."

Abby nodded. "I did. For the longest time I despised you. But after a while I realized that you felt guilty. My mom never had any regret about what had happened. You, however, did. And that's when I realized that you weren't my mom, and that I need to forgive you."

She gave me a small smile, and I returned it. It wasn't much, but it was a forgiving smile, which was something that I desperately needed.

I glanced down at my cell phone, which showed that thirty minutes had passed. "Um, Abby, I think you need to get back to work."

Abby stood up and wiped away the rest of her tears. "Rosa, I really did miss your friendship. But I don't know if things will be the same way they were before."

I nodded solemnly. "They won't. But if we work at it, we can make things become better. We know things about each other that we didn't before, and it could make our friendship stronger."