To: Chasmodai Blue
From: Sara-Bara

Happy Holidays! Hope you enjoy the story. :D It's probably not one of my best, but I've been on a writing hiatus for a while. :D

"How does that make you feel?"

Well, to answer this crazy psychologist's question, it makes me feel like no one wants me. Like I'm just a messed up teenager with problems that can't be fixed. And her babbling on like I'm special in my parent's eyes is bull shit. They think I'm fucking screw up. Not like I'd tell this to my psychologist.

"Jake, honey, would you please answer the question?"

I rolled my eyes. "How does it make me feel that my parents think I'm crazy and need a psychologist?"

I could tell that the girl was getting nervous. She didn't look much older than thirty, so she probably hadn't been doing this that long. I kinda felt bad for her. But then again… she was a stupid shrink. Just working for the fucking huge pay check she didn't deserve.

"Well… yes… why do you think they… uhh, sent you here, Jake?"

Sighing, I decided to answer. She might as well know why she has to put up with my shit. "They sent me here because yesterday I told them I was a fag. And that night after yelling at me for being 'wrong' they caught me smoking the last of my weed out in the backyard." I paused before finishing. I was about to let it slip that I think I'm a sex addict, but I kept that one to myself. "Go ahead, and tell me I'm just a good-for-nothing teenager like everyone else."

She seemed to pause to collect her thoughts before putting the clipboard down and looking at me. "Jake. It's not wrong to like men. If your attracted to them, all the power to you. The smoking on the other hand, that's what concerns me."

Okay, so she didn't care that I was a fucking fag, or at least I thought I was, based on a particular experience, but she didn't want me to smoke? "Wait a fucking minute. You care more about me not smoking?! Tons of people smoke! I fucking fit in because I smoke! Being a fag? That's what make people walk away from me shaking their stupid fucking heads!"


"You know what? This is fucking stupid. I don't need a fucking shrink. I don't need anybody. Fuck you." The last part of my rant was a bit harsh but when I get going, I'm gone. After my lovely speech, I stormed out of her office. Sitting in the waiting room was my mom, looking as bored as ever.

"You done?" She looked up at me with a disapproving look.

"Yea." What else could I say? If I cussed her out like I did my psychologist, I would probably lose my place to stay. Personally I wanted to keep my room. Living on the streets didn't sound like the most fun thing to do. Plus, where would I get my money for weed?

Right as my mom was paying, the stupid shrink came out. "Mrs. Williams."

"Oh, hello Jenna. How was… Jake for you?"

I just waited for her to tell my mom how disrespectful and what a dick-head I had been. But the words that came out of her mouth surprised me, "He was fine. I would like to see him again in a week or two."

"Okay, a week sounds fine."

"I have to come back? Why?" The last place I wanted to be was in this building.

The shrink answered for me, "We have more to talk about Jake." She just left it at that. Whatever. My parents could drag me back here, but I wasn't going to talk. I already told her too much. I don't need a fucking shrink.

"Well Jake, let's get you back home, so you can get ready for school tomorrow. Goodbye Jenna."

At that, I turned around, without so much as a goodbye to stupid Jenna, and headed to my mom's car. Once inside, my mom tried to sound considerate but I knew she just wanted to know whether Jenna made me a good little straight boy or not, "So, how did your session go?"

I really didn't want to talk to her, so I opted not to.

"Jake." My mom said with the firmest voice she could muster, "Are you going to answer my question?"

"And if I don't?" I knew I shouldn't back talk to my mother… oh well.

"Then get out of my car."

I sighed and muttered, "It went fine."

"Just fine Jake?"

I didn't want to talk to my mom about anything that happened in that stupid shrink's room. She would just yell and get mad at me anyway. "Well, mom, Jenna told me everything said in her room will stay there. You were the one that sent me to a psychologist so I could 'talk about my feelings'."

My mom just rolled her eyes. So my mom. She's a drama queen about everything. I don't know how my father handles her. My poor father. He has a bitch of a wife and now he has a messed up, weed smoking, fag for a son.

The rest of the ride was quiet until we got home. I went straight to my room, not wanting to talk to anyone. Well, there was one person I wanted to talk to… but I couldn't talk to him; I kept ignoring his calls. As I thought, memories from yesterday clouded my head.

"So, got any more homework, Jake?" Nathan asked as both of them sat in Nathan's dining room.

"Uh, nope. You?" Jake answered.

"Nah. Wanna smoke some weed? I have some that my brother left behind before work."

"Sure…" Jake answered doubtfully.

"We don't have to if ya don't wanna…" Nathan smiled reassuringly.

"N-no, it's okay! I need a high after that calculus test..." Jake couldn't help but smile back at his best friend. Both of them moved out to Nathan's backyard, easily finding the remaining marijuana left by Nathan's not-so-bright brother. They rolled it and lit-up. There was only enough for two, so each guy got one. After the smoke, the friends were on their backs, eyes trained on the sky. With the pleasant buzz in his head, Jake looked at his best friend. Whether it was a trick of the moon's light or the weed, Jake didn't know, but Nathan looked… delicious. He tried to dismiss the thought, but Nathan turned on his side and looked directly into Jake's eyes. With that, Jake remembered the way the moon shined on Nathan and his stomach did an abnormal flip.

"Whatchya looking at, Jake-y?" Nathan's voice slurred together a bit.

Jake felt a strange urge to… kiss? Did he really want to kiss his best friend? He tried to convince himself that that was stupid, but the weed-or was it his subconscious or maybe he was just horny? Whatever it was, it took over. Jake felt his body move closer until he could feel Nathan's breath on his face.

"Hey, Jake? What are you-?" Jake's lips shut Nathan up. Jake could feel Nathan's body tense, but he quickly relaxed and kissed Jake back. Jake shot his tongue out, forcing Nathan's mouth open, releasing a moan. Jake soon found himself on top of Nathan, grinding their hips together and his hands roaming Nathan's body. Jake felt this situation was so right. Never with a girl had he been this aroused. He desperately wanted to just rip Nathan's skin-tight pants off and fuck him senseless. Nathan was so vulnerable in this position. Vulnerable? He couldn't do this. He wouldn't use his best friend as just a fuck. Jake detached himself from Nathan, looking down at him.

"Fuck, dude, I'm sorry." Jake shot up, onto his feet. He didn't want Nathan to be just 'another fuck'.

"Whoa. Wait, Jake-" By the time Nathan managed to get those words out, Jake had bolted out of the house and took the short walk to his house.

I couldn't believe that I took advantage of him like that! My fucking best friend. Well, I screwed that relationship up. I guess I'm just a fucking screw up. He doesn't like that I'm always out with random girls... and I was trying to stop because of him. But I just used him. He keeps calling me… I can't make myself pick up the phone because I couldn't take hearing his disapproving voice. Why did I have to kiss my best friend? Why did I tell my parents the day after? I thought my parents were the understanding type. Well, my dad was okay after the initial shock, but my mom was so freaked, she signed me up to see a shrink the fucking next day! And they had to smell the weed on me too. I can't believe I just dashed out and went to my house without even any hint of cologne. I was mentally exhausted, so I fell asleep on my bed with my jeans, shirt, jacket and my messy jet black hair in a jumble above my head.


I was rudely awoken from my peaceful sleep at six in the morning. Six o'clock?! I leaped out of my bed and practically fell into the shower, freezing water hitting my back. I was out in record time and had my clothes all on by six thirty. I didn't realize where I was walking until I was out the door. I was headed to Nathan's. I stopped, thinking about turning and going back to my house, but both my parents were currently sleeping and Nathan's mom always gave me and Nathan a ride to school on her way to work. Since I had no other way to school, I sucked up my feelings and continued walking.

I stopped in front of Nathan's door, just standing there for a minute. 'It's not like you kissed your best friend just two days ago and haven't answered any of his calls or texts. You can do this Jake, just knock on the door, just knock on the door, just knock-' Nathan's mom interrupted my mental battle by opening the door.

"Hello honey! I was just going to get the newspaper. Nathan's in the kitchen. Oh! Did you know your school is starting late today because the basketball team needs more time to practice for the big game? Who knew! Well, we will be leaving in forty-five minutes!" And with that Nathan's eccentric mom was out the door. Shit. Forty-five minutes with Nathan? I thought my lateness would give us no time to talk… well, now or never, I guess. I walked inside and found Nathan where his mom directed me. The kitchen.

"Uhh, hey." My oh-so high vocabulary spat out.

Nathan looked up from his bowl of cereal with an unreadable look on his face, "Hey… you mind if we go in my room and talk?" Wow, he wastes no time in getting to the point.

"Um, now?"

"Yea, I don't want to leave what happened a couple nights ago… like it is." Nathan looked toward his shoes, "Come on." I followed him up the stairs. He walked into his room first, myself following. Once he closed the door, he unexpectedly pinned me to the door, his hand on either side of my face. I, at first, thought he was going to punch me.

"What the fuck, Nathan?"

"Shut up." Nathan mumbled and connected his lips with mine. Wait. Nathan was kissing me? What the fuck? I pushed him away and voiced my confusion.

Nathan stepped back a bit and asked, "Why did you kiss me Friday? I… I enjoyed it… did you do that because of your emotions or... your addiction to sex." He was looking toward his shoes with red dusting his cheeks. He looked so fucking adorable like that. The sentence I couldn't get out of my head was… he enjoyed it. He… liked when I kissed him. Was he as aroused as I was? Were the thoughts of sex going through his mind when I kissed him?

My thoughts were cut off by Nathan's voice. "Jake. If you don't want to answer…" His voice shook a bit, "just leave. I don't want to deal with your horny body."

"N-nathan. What I…uh, did on Friday wasn't because of the marijuana or just because I wanted a lay." I took another look at him before finishing my sentence, "I… I think I… like you. As more than a… friend." I didn't look at him, because I didn't want to see his response. Now that I went against him, he'd probably think like all the other people in my life. That I'm just a fucked up teenager that you shouldn't affiliate yourself with. But, to my surprise I felt his hand grab mine.

"You're telling the truth?"

I looked up at him and searched his eyes for emotion. All I saw was… hope? Would he actually give me a chance? I voiced the thought.

"As a… romantic partner… yea."

He said he wanted to be with me, and that made my stomach do flips, but I could sense he was holding something back. "Well, are you sure? What aren't you telling me Nathan?"

He didn't look at me as he said, "Nothing."

I squeezed his hand that was in mine. "You can tell me."

He took a deep breath before he spoke, "You promise not to sleep with any other girls while you're with me? And guys now that you've found out your gay?"

I smiled at him. Knowing that I would actually have a steady relationship in my life, especially with my best friend, who I claimed to do anything for, I knew it would be so much easier to restrain myself from random sex. I told him.

Right after the last word slipped from my mouth, Nathan practically tackled me and placed a kiss on my lips. I eagerly returned that kiss, wrapping my arms around his waist. His hands found their way into my hair and I felt a moan slip from my lips. This boy was so intoxicating. I wanted more of him. More than I wanted of anyone, ever. I moved my hands down to his ass and gave a squeeze. I was rewarded by a lust-filled moan. Once we detached for air, I started licking his neck. He moved, giving me better access. As I reached his ear, I whispered, "Nathan… can I fuck- I mean, have sex with you?"

Nathan's head moved a bit. Then he gave me an unexpected answer. "Jake… you've got 25 minutes."

My eyes widened, "Is that a yes?"

I could see him smile. "Fuck me, Jake."

"You don't even have to ask…" And with that I, Jake, the guy who had sex on a regular basis, had the best lay ever. Nathan then came up with the brilliant idea of faking sick and his mom let both of us stay home. Alone. And both Nathan and I had the best day of our life.

I don't need a fucking shrink. I've got a boyfriend now.

P.S. Sorry for the atrocious title. XD