27Without ever verbally deciding, Christopher and Luke opted to keep their newly formed relationship to themselves. Christopher was still too uncomfortable to really talk to Luke about it, let alone anyone else and Luke wanted to fly under the radar more than anything. They were together as much as they could be but kept to themselves more. Stolen kisses in Christopher's messy bedroom and hand-holding while watching movies at Luke's house made both noticeably happier throughout the first few weeks together.
For a snapshot in time, things were perfect.
"So do you want to do something this weekend?" Luke asked, his left hand comfortably in Christopher's right as they sat on Luke's bed.
"Can't. Not on Saturday, at least. Tyler really wants me to come over this weekend, says it's urgent," Christopher had a look in his eyes that told Luke he was a million miles away, "I don't know what he wants."
"D'you think it has something to do with me?" Luke asked, though he already knew the answer.
"Probably."
They were quiet and Luke felt his hand clam up as he hoped Christopher would pull out of his mood before it was time for him to go home.
"So...uh...Valentine's Day is coming up, huh?" Luke asked.
"Next week," Christopher agreed absently.
"Well, we have to do something next weekend then. Why don't we go see that new kiddie movie? You know, the one with the dragons?" Luke suggested.
Christopher's eyes lit up and a smile graced his face. Luke thanked his lucky stars it was that easy to pull him from his head.
"I thought you didn't like cartoons," Christopher remembered suddenly.
"I don't really, but I heard this one is okay, and-"
Christopher cut his words off with a soft kiss. "You're awesome, you know that?"
"I-I've been told," Luke murmured, his voice trembling.
Christopher grinned devilishly and dipped in for another, longer kiss. He felt his own heart pounding, as if trying to escape the confines of his ribcage. Stranger though, was that he could feel Luke's heart pounding as well. Luke was usually so collected, composed and cool to a flaw. But for some reason, though they had passed the point where kissing was awkward or uncertain, Luke's heart raced each time they pressed their lips together even chastely. Christopher could feel it, physically feel it.
He pressed his palm against Luke's smaller chest, hoping to calm him, but Luke's heartbeat took off even faster, even harder. Christopher pulled away from him and look down into his eyes. "What is it?"
Luke's brow furrowed. "Are you serious?"
"What do you mean, am I serious?" Christopher asked, suddenly confused and feeling very stupid. "Your heart's about to beat out of your damn chest! I'm serious. Is something wrong?"
Luke shook his head as a he tried to suppress a smile. "You are such a virgin."
"What does that have to do with anything?" he demanded.
"Everything, dove, absolutely everything," Luke said, his smile suddenly just a little embarrassed.
"Sorry I'm so stupid, but I still don't get it!" Christopher reminded him indignantly.
Luke took his hand and placed it gingerly over the front of his pants, not once meeting Christopher's eyes.
His eyes wouldn't have registered Luke's company anyway; they widened and then closed as his face colored and he drew back his hand. "I...well...uh...sorry."
Luke laughed awkwardly. "It's...uh, it's okay. Not your fault."
"It's...it's that easy for you?" Christopher asked, his eyes studying Luke's soft comforter.
"It isn't for you?"
"I mean...I guess usually I'm the one kissing you and I don't think of it like that most of the time..." Christopher mused, his voice soft and unsure, "Not that I don't like you or anything...I just don't think about it like that most of the time."
"Because you don't get around much," Luke explained, "Kissing is still...just kissing to you. You're lucky."
"You aren't upset?"
"Why would I be?" Luke laughed again, "I'm not worried about not...not being able to do that to you. Just because you don't stand at attention at the drop of a pin doesn't mean you can't."
Christopher took a deep, shaky breath. "I wouldn't mind, you know. I mean, I know we're not rushing or anything, but I can tell sometimes that you hold back...and you don't always have to."
"Not always, huh?"
"Just sometimes."
Luke loved the expectant look on Christopher's face, loved the feeling of his clammy hand squeezing his own, and loved that when he leaned in and kissed him, his only goal was to get a rise out of him and he succeeded easily.
Days passed in sequence effortlessly, and when the weekend came, Christopher found himself wishing he hadn't agreed to hang out with Tyler. The closer he got to his friend's house, the larger the pit in his stomach became. He knew that Tyler was going to want to talk about Luke, to warn him, and he wasn't sure whether he needed to hear what Tyler had to say or not.
Christopher knocked on his oldest friend's front door and was greeted by a sound he had been all too familiar with as a younger boy, Tyler's brothers yelling and running and screaming. It felt nice. Tyler stood in the threshold, forcing a smile. "Hey. Ready to go?"
"Where are we going?" Christopher asked.
"Wherever. I was thinking the benches at the park," Tyler said, his voice strained.
"Sure. You drive."
And Tyler did just that. The two drove in silence to the city park where they and and their friends had wasted many an 's car smelled like vanilla and citrus, so sweet it made the knot in Christopher's tighten.
They pulled up to the park and found a picnic-table effortlessly; no one else was there.
"Are you okay, Tyler?" Christopher asked, his voice firm but laced with genuine concern.
"Are you?" Tyler countered, his eyes hard as stone, "Do you have something you wanna tell me?"
Christopher sighed. "I'm not going to tell you something you already know."
"That sounds like a cop-out to me," Tyler accused, failing to keep the venom out of his voice. "He's not feeding you the 'there's nothing to be ashamed of' line?"
"He's not feeding me any lines, Tyler," Christopher said delicately, "I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you, but-"
"I wouldn't let my guard down if I were you," Tyler advised, "How long have you been together?"
Christopher took a deep breath and his mouth felt like it filled with cotton. "Two and a half months."
"S-so...you got together as soon as we broke up..." Tyler said, nodding his head mechanically.
"I don't have to tell you that Luke isn't right sometimes..." Christopher explained, trying to console his friend, "We...he...it was happening before you. We didn't realize or acknowledge...but we were both too scared. So I got Cheri and he...he dated you. It wasn't right. I'm sorry."
"You trust him? How can you trust him?" Tyler raked his hands through his hair, searching his head for the right words to make Christopher understand without making one of them angry. The words didn't seem to exist.
"I just do...I know it wouldn't make sense on paper but I'm not scared of him. I'm not scared of what he'll do."
"Are you sleeping together?" That was the kicker, really. Tyler knew if anyone had talked to him about he felt about sleeping with Luke, he would have left. He would have seen.
"No."
Tyler felt his head spin. Two and a half months and no sex? It had taken Luke a matter of a couple weeks to pounce on Tyler. Two and a half months?
"I told you...it's different. I'm really sorry. I wish he hadn't hurt you; I don't think it was right, but at the same time, there are things about him that you probably don't know," Christopher's eyes stared somewhere far in the distance, "His crazy comes from somewhere."
"You seriously don't think he'll take it out on you?" Tyler demanded as tears began to crowd his eyes, "You saw what he did! You saw the whole thing, probably more than anyone! He outed me, fucked with me, and then left me hanging out to dry! How can you trust someone who did that?"
"This isn't about me, Tyler. I'm not afraid of him, and if you want anything with anyone else...you can't be afraid either."
xXxXxXx
In the morning, Christopher woke up to the sound of Kenny and Tyler talking in the next room. Luke was curled up next to him, his naked body wrapped in the blanket. Christopher couldn't suppress a smile; things were getting better. He had to believe that things were getting better.
Reluctantly, he got out of bed and put on his clothes. "Luke," he murmured softly by the sleeping boy's ear, "Wake up."
He stirred but didn't wake up.
"Luke, it's time to get up."
His eyes fluttered open and he smiled. "Goodness, boy, I love you."
Christopher's head spun. "W-What?"
Luke blinked a few times and rubbed his forehead. "Huh? Did I say something?"
Christopher thought for a moment, then said, "No. You didn't."
"Oh..uh...okay. I'm hungry. Wanna make breakfast? You can make a bunch of bacon to tease Kenny with," Luke smiled up at Christopher.
"T-that's mean. I'll make some waffles."
"Vegan waffles?" Luke asked, disgust permeating his voice.
"Not all of them."
"Aww, you really do love me."
After eating waffles and watching a few morning-time talk shows, Christopher went to handle an emergency at the coffee house and Kenny went to find a farmer's market. Luke felt a little uncomfortable being alone with Tyler, but only because Tyler was so uncomfortable. Luke intended to find out why.
Tyler was sitting on the couch, watching television and absently surfing the internet on Kenny's laptop. Luke felt like a spy as he walked up casually and sat on the couch next to him. Tyler sighed and closed the computer. "What do you want, Luke?"
"What makes you think I want something?" Luke asked, feigning innocence.
"I've known you for quite a while, Luke. What do you want?"
"Well...why...what happened with us? Why are you weird around me sometimes?" Luke needed answers, and the more questions he asked, the more questions he had. "If we aren't friends, why are you here? If-"
"Stop," Tyler cut him off. "It's pretty simple actually. When we were in school we dated; you were the first guy I ever dated, actually. You even took my virginity. But it didn't work out and then you started dating Christopher. I was pretty upset for a long time, but you're the reason I met Kenny so I don't hate you anymore. Everything happens for a reason, I guess."
"That sounds pretty run of the mill...you hated me for that?" Luke thought for a moment, "Or was it worse? It was way worse, wasn't it?"
"It was. But I can't really blame you. It was my fault too. I didn't know how to say no," Tyler laughed and there was only a small trace of bitterness, "You taught me how."
"I still don't quite get it..."
"You cheated on me, with Kenny actually. And you used me to get to Christopher. You were only with me because we were friends and you wanted to out yourself to him in some kind of spectacle. In retrospect, it's all pretty clear, but back then I was just really confused about who I was and what I wanted..." Tyler bit his lip and stared off into space in a way that made Luke think he was talking more to himself at that point, "And I hated you because you made me courageous enough to try but then scared me too much to want to try ever again. It wasn't you, really, it was me."
"So you don't hate me?" Luke braced himself for the answer, unsure of what he should expect.
"I don't hate you. But right now, you're so much like how you were it just hurts...I guess it's stupid." Tyler turned to his ex, his friend, and hugged him, "I guess you're a godsend, really. I would have never said any of this before you lost your memory. Everything really does happen for a reason."
"Yeah, closure is good," Luke muttered, unsure of what to say.
Tyler pulled away from him. "I really hope you get your memories back, Luke, but I hope you keep these memories too. I think if you can remember all of them it will help you sort out your...problems."
"What problems?"
"That's a chat for another day, dude. Another day."