November
I watched Orion splayed across the autumn sky
Streetlights sharp, in the margins of my vision
Feels like I could cut the night in two.

I let the music wheel through me
In through my ears and out through my mouth
Keeping time with my steps in the leaves
On the pavement
Beating.

I was so cold to everything
Sex my only refuge.
Compartmentalize
Manage it
Control
it.

I said, "Why not let the music wheel through you
In through your eyes and out, out
through the tips of your little fingers"
And I listened, while-

Orion gives me a silent scream.
Less the conquering hero the Greeks imagined
But flayed eternally, arms and legs thrown askew and wide-

Orion asks me, "why do you want pain?"
With his silent mouth.
Orion is forever on the rack.

I said, "You can hit me harder than that", and meant it
But he still showed me restraint.
And I want no mercy from him.
I want it to hurt.

Compartmentalize.
Manage it
Control
it:

Show me your sickness, I will lock it away.
(I've cried for far too long)
Show me your concern, I will lock it away
(I've cried for far too long)
Show me no kindness, or I will lock it away,
And keep it in the dark long enough for it to fade.

Orion's pain is elemental.
Unpolluted.
I fuck like I feel, I feel like I fuck.
I show you a face, part bravery, part sensitivity,
Part mythical whore,
But I still let the music
wheel through me.

Orion used to have a heart of gold.
Orion still has a heart of gold.