I was standing next to the one male who made me feel so uncomfortable, so awkward and out of place. He was the one guy that made me feel like I was flying 1,000 feet above the ground, he made my heart soar. But…he didn't look at me in that way. It was the wintertime, my shoes were soaking wet from the snow. I don't remember why we were standing outside but we didn't quite want to go back into his house yet. There were people in there, and at that moment, where we were standing there, it seemed too important, too meaningful for other people to look in upon. They wouldn't understand the way we felt at that moment. I was looking at his shoes, the ones he always wore. The beat up skater shoes he wore with the big rip in the left side on his right foot. He loved those shoes so much, even though he had about eighty other pairs.
That was the other thing about him that made me so uncomfortable. He was so rich, well…at least his parents were. Something about people who are richer than me always made me uncomfortable. I can from a mid-class family and was completely average. I was amazed the first time I saw his house, out in the country, surrounded by lushes green grass and sell trimmed bushes. I had no problem dating boys who were less financially stable than I. I never looked down at them, or judged their messy houses, in fact I think those were some of the most fun boys I dated. Aaron was different in that sense at least.
I wanted to give him a hug at that moment. I was cold and just wanted to press and mold my body into his as I let my head rest on his shoulders. I knew he wouldn't go for it though, at least not in the way I wanted him to. He would've hugged me back, no doubt about that, he would've been nice and at least wrap his arms around me. I just knew he wouldn't care about it in the same way that I would. I glanced up at him, he was staring at his beat up shoes as well and I couldn't help but smirk. He pulled his head up and stared back, mirroring my smile. Then he did the thing I hated much, and playfully punched my shoulder. "Quit starin bro. They're ugly but they're my babies." The moment of intimacy that I had been thinking of vanished and I was sucked back into reality.
"They're disgusting and they make you look like a hobo." I joked back, trying to sound playful. He shook his head in disagreement before smiling again.
"Lets go inside. It's cold and I wanna make sure no ones messing up the furniture." Aaron was throwing another party at his house since his parents were out on one of their never ending business trips. It seemed like they were always traveling, I had only seen them at the house a couple times out of the hundreds I had been over. The weird thing was though, that Aaron never drank when he had parties. It wasn't like he was looking to get messed up and so drunk that he blacked out. He did it mostly for the company. He loved socializing and liked to entertain his friends, making sure they had a good time and keeping his fridge stocked with alcohol. I never drank either, I never wanted to worry of driving home drunk on the highway, I more or less just came to see him.
Another quick fact: Most of the guys that I had hooked up with and/or dated, I had met at Aaron's place. This didn't bother him in the slightest either, he was always getting with the girls at his place. All of them one night stands of course, me included. All of the girls he had hooked up with came back though, again including me. We loved his company and attention. He made us all feel like we were really special, and that he only cared about us. I held on to him for awhile after we had sex, and maybe I still am now…a little, but after awhile I grew tired and lonely and started looking for other guys.
None of them seemed to compare. Maybe I was just being silly or too judgmental. I wasn't in the right state of mind for a boyfriend either though. I had been struggling with myself for awhile. Searching for who I was and trying to figure out my identity. Every girl goes through at least once, especially in her teenage years. I followed Aaron back into his house and crept down into his basement. A few kids were playing beer pong, other playing xbox, and a few of the girls were always in the corner dancing provocatively trying to catch a certain guys eye. I was thankful that I was never "that" kind of girl.
I sat down on the couch next to my friend Travis who was also, mind you, incredibly drunk. He was playing Call of Duty with 3 other guys in the room yelling very loudly whenever he was shot at or killed someone. "My turn." I said as I yanked the controller out of Travis's hand.
"Bitch." her murmured playfully as he scooted over to give me more room. I loved playing video games with drunk people. It made me look a lot better and guys were always impressed with a girl who could kick their ass in a first person shooter. I was generally better than most average gamers but these guys were mainly serious gamers and would get together on the weekends or after school to play xbox and playstation. Travis always beat me when he was sober though, on one of my good days though I could sometimes beat him.
After I played a couple rounds I grew bored of winning and the shouts and name calling from the boys. I threw my controller back at Travis who happily took it. He slapped my ass as I got off the couch. I feigned being upset before I walked off. Now before you judge you have to realize that me and Travis go way back. We've always been really close and comfortable around each other and joking around like that different affect us at all.
I scanned the room and saw Aaron talking to this girl Paige he was interested in. He texted her a lot and she had just recently turned single and agreed to come over. I shook my head in either disbelief or disappointment and walked over to the counter to grab my car keys. As I was about ready to put on my shoes my friend Jamie ran over to me. It caught me off guard, I didn't even know she was here.
"Leila can you talk for a sec?" she said pulling on my arm. She reeked of alcohol and she was having trouble standing up.
"Whaaaaaattt" I sighed, exasperated. I was growing tired of hanging around drunk people and my mood was sinking more and more by the minute.
"Just for a sec, pleeaaaaaassseeeee?" she whined as she smiled upwards at me. I noticed her eyes were closed, she was having trouble keeping them open.
"Ok, sure whatever." I sighed again as she lead me into a more open area of his basement. I sat down on the leather couch and leaned back waiting for her to tell me her story. She sat down right next to me, her breath covering me with the stench of alcohol.
"Me and Mark hooked up!" she laughed raucously and slapped her thigh. Obviously very amused and pleased with herself. I was in disbelief. I would've been very happy for her if she actually liked Mark, but the only reason she wanted to sleep with him was because she had been rivals with his girlfriend for years. "I took pictures!" she laughed again, a huge smile creeping across her entire face.
"Wow. Cool." I was being extremely sarcastic and rude and Jamie didn't seem to be noticing. She was too proud of herself to let anyone ruin her mood.
"I know, right?!" she giggled. "I'm tooottallly gonna send her a pix message in the morning." Jamie dug in her pocket and pulled out her phone. "See?" she asked thrusting the phone in my face. I got a glimpse of her naked pale form hovering over a penis that I hoped was flaccid it was so small.
"Wow, you did a good job capturing the mood." I said disgusted with the image that was going to probably be burned into my mind for the rest of my life. I pushed the phone out of my view and stood up, telling Jamie I was leaving. She gave me a puppy dog look but then quickly ran off to tell someone else about her success.
I shoved my way out of the house and made my way out to my car. As soon as I opened the front door I saw Aaron and Paige, standing in the snow making out. His arms were wrapped around her and their bodies looked like they were super glued together. I hurriedly shut the door, the sound making them separate from one another. She rested her head on his shoulder, the way I had envisioned myself doing earlier.
"You going home already?" Aaron said, raising his hand to a more appropriate place on her body.
"Yup, I'm tired." I said trying to fake my smile as I moved past them. "Gotta wake up early for work anyway tomorrow." I walked down the pathway to my car and hopped in hurriedly, switching on the heat. The winter air had frosted my windows over and I now had the pleasure of scrapping ice off the windshield before I left.
As I went to go open my door I heard a thud, and then a grunt. Aaron was standing outside my car door and was trying to hide his pain from when I had hit him. "Hey there Delilah." he forcefully smiled as he opened the door wider for me to get out. I hated when he called me Delilah. Nobody called me that, except for maybe my parents when I was in trouble. I didn't say anything as I stepped out of the car and started scrapping the windows. "You know I don't like when you leave abruptly like that." he said still smiling as he stood up taller, not in pain from when the door hit him anymore.
"Sorry, did you want me to wait until after you guys had sex to say goodbye. Maybe when you blow your load I could come in and then say bye. Is that what you want?" I spewed this out quickly before I could even realize what I was saying. I blushed in the cold and instantly felt guilty and stupid.
He stood there for a little while. Very apparent that he was shocked by what I had just said. "What's your deal?" he said furrowing his eyebrows.
"Nothing," I mumbled, "I'm just tired that all and all I've seen all night is people making out every time I turn the corner." I hoped he would buy it.
His expression instantly changed and he stopped furrowing his eyebrows. "Delilah, look don't worry, you'll find a guy." he leaned up against my car, indicating that he was interested in furthering the conversation.
"I'm not worried about finding a guy Aaron. I'll manage." I went to go step back into my car which was hopefully a little warmed up by now. He blocked me and held the door.
"Come here." he demanded, motioning for me to come out. I obeyed like always. He had this way of making me want to do whatever he said. "Give me a hug" he said extending his arms out. I stared at him blankly as he stretched his arms out wider. "Come on." he said teasingly, a smile pulling across his lips. I shrugged my head no and went to get in my car again. He grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. Not a romantic one, but a guy hug, where your hips are really far apart and he bend his elbows, so as not fully embracing you. All I could think about was him holding the other girl tight.
"Don't you feel better now?" he said, completely oblivious to how upset with me.
"Of course." I lied, faking another fake smile of the night. "I'll see later Aaron." I shut my door before he could say goodbye and pulled out of the driveway. I saw him wave before he stepped inside. I almost started crying.