A/N: Wow it has been a long time! Try not to hold it against me too much.
I've been extremely sick and dealing with other personal issues.
Good News: I'm back.
This is the first update in what I hope to be the completion of this story and some of my others.
I know it isn't exactly on par with my usual writing but I promise I'll get there.
Please I need the feedback in order to keep writing so leave tons of reviews!
The babies were crying in the background and I was exhausted from trying to keep up with the both of them. Cassie was wheeling around, trying to get a bottle together before I got up.
I wished that Matt was there to help with the kids.
It took so long to feed one of them and by the time that one was done the other one was hungry. Then there were diapers and clothes and all the other baby necessities.
By the time I dragged myself out of bed, Cassie had gotten Michael up and was feeding him by bottle. I picked Kevin up and settled down to breastfeed him, knowing I would rather be anywhere than with my children. That was extremely sad to me.
Matt was gone, missing out on all of the excitement of parenthood and I couldn't handle Cassie and the twins without him. Cassie was doing her best to help out which was great, but the pain was still too fresh to see her every day.
My dad walked into the nursery with bags full of groceries including formula, bottles, diapers, and even a couple of new outfits. The boys were now a couple of weeks old so they were beginning to outgrow most of the newborn clothes that we had gotten for them.
"How are they doing?" my dad asked.
"They're louder than ever," Cassie said.
"I don't think they'll ever sleep at the same time," I whispered. I ran my hand over Kevin's head as he nursed, smiling at his face.
My heart ached for Matt and seeing our children reminded me of him every day. Cassie and my dad did their best to help me but nothing could replace having him there for me. I needed that feeling of comfort and safety.
Cassie passed Michael to my dad who tried to burp him for the next ten minutes. My dad had had little luck with burping so far, but he was determined to be the best grandfather. Some nights I had caught him rocking one of them late into the night and I couldn't help but smile at his antics.
It had been two months since Cassie was released from the hospital and she was adapting to life in a wheelchair fairly well. We had moved around the sixth month mark and one of my main concerns was whether or not she would be able to get around the house. Our new house is a one story, four-bedroom, two-bathroom home that is completely accessible for the disabled.
Part of her rehabilitation was rigorous physical therapy so we had put in a 'gym' in the garage. She had to train five or six hours a day just to maintain her strength. What she did on top of that was completely up to her.
I finished feeding Kevin and laid him back down in his crib. My dad had made breakfast so I went to the kitchen and dished myself up a plate. There were scrambled eggs, pancakes, and bacon and they were all still warm.
Since the twins were born I hadn't been eating much, just enough to get by and feed them. I had been severely depressed without Matt and my eating and sleeping habits had suffered because of it.
"How are you doing?' my dad asked. "Honestly."
I looked up and caught his eye, looking at me as if he could see right through me. "The doctors aren't sure… They don't know… God… I can't even say it."
Running my fingers along the necklace I was wearing, I closed my eyes and began to pray. I needed hope and faith and I just wasn't finding it when I looked at the two little miracles that Matt and I had conceived.
"It's okay honey. He's as much as a fighter as I've ever seen and I think his chances are great."
I wheeled the stroller into the hospital and headed toward the nursery. It would be my fourth visit so far this week and it was only Wednesday.
When the elevator doors opened up a couple got on and pushed the button for the delivery floor. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, hoping that they would be better off than I was.
"How old are they?" the man asked.
I hesitated and looked up at his soft, curious brown eyes. Him and his wife were innocent to the cruelty of the world. "They're just over a month."
"What about you?"
"Eighteen," I whispered.
They looked at each other, sending knowing glances. I could tell by the look on their faces that they thought they knew me. A young teenager who got pregnant too early and wasn't ready for the responsibility of two kids.
It pissed me off.
Nobody knew anything about what I had been through. Except for the people who had been there through it, there was no understanding the trials I had undergone.
Once I had dropped the twins off at the nursery I went to meet Nathan and Martha in Matt's hospital room. He had yet to wake up from the transfusion that they had done almost two weeks ago. The doctors were extremely worried about his condition.
When I entered the room there were a couple of doctors sitting around his bed, waiting to discuss the next steps. Martha got up when I came into the room and gave me one of the tightest hugs that I had ever received. Nathan sat stoically in the corner.
"Hello Carly," Doctor Becker greeted.
"Hi," I answered quietly. "How's he doing?"
"Well his stats are up which is really great. Honestly though, he should've been awake a long time ago."
"So what do we do?"
"He needs another transfusion," the other doctor answered. "Since he isn't awake we can't do it without permission and you are his wife."
There were tears running down my face and I was holding back sobs. I reached out for his hand and took it into mine, giving it a tight squeeze. He was in the coma, I wasn't. I couldn't decide what was best for him.
I know he wouldn't have wanted to live on machines for the rest of his life, but he wouldn't have wanted to give up either. That was the call that I was going to have to make and I had a matter of minutes to make it.
The longer we waited the worse chance the transfusion had of being a success. However, there may have been someone out there who needed it more than he did. Who was I to play God?
"Please," Martha begged. "Carly! He would've wanted to meet his sons. Nathan tell her please!"
"I can't tell you what's best Carly," he whispered. "All that I can say is that he has fought this the entire way and the fact that the machine is beeping right now just going to show his fighting spirit. He loves you and the babies and he would only want what is best for all of you."
I stood outside the nursery and watched as the toddlers played and the younger babies were nursed. There were still tears streaming down my cheeks and I felt like there was a big, gaping hole in my chest.
"God," I whispered. "God please! Tell me what to do. Give me a sign! I'll do anything to have Matt here with me and the boys. Anything at all. I would give up my world just to get him back. Please!"
My eyes were closed and I was literally begging God to give me a sign or to tell me what I could do to fix things. I had no clue what we had done to deserve the unfortunate luck that we had come across in our lives, but I knew I had to work with it.
"Waaaaa aaaaahh ahh," Michael cried as I coddled him.
It was way past midnight, my dad and Cassie were both asleep and Michael had just broken into a fever. I didn't want to wake either of them up, but I had a feeling that something was wrong.
About an hour earlier I had woken up and found a picture of Colby sitting by my bedstand. Cassie had been looking at it earlier in the day, but it seemed strange that it was still sitting there.
"Shhhh Michael, Hush…. Michael… Mich…"
My voice was gone. I don't know how it happened, or why. Maybe it was the sign I had been asking for, but I couldn't speak. I had to use the mobile to get Michael back to sleep and even then it wasn't restful for him.
Just a few minutes after he finally went to sleep the phone rang. "Hello?" someone called.
I couldn't speak.
"Carly, It's doctor Becker. I don't know what's happened. It's some sort of miracle, but Matt's woken up. I know you can hear me because I hear your breath. Is your voice gone again? Put your dad on the phone."