Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy

"You went out to go Cain's dirty work right? Kill a child or rid the world of another businessman Lirril?"

"I-" She cuts off suddenly, directing their gaze from his cold eyes, to stare at the sky.

"I don't understand why you keep rubbing salt on my wounds."

He chuckles grimly, "Why shouldn't I?"

Her gaze flickers back to his, and holds it, refusing to be the one to look away first.

Or maybe their already strained relationship reached the point where they didn't care about one or the other's feelings.

He smiles slowly, until it breaks into a wide grin, this mouth stretched so far that he looked liked a maniac.

She stayed tense, while inside she shivered. Sometimes him showing emotion was as chilling as his cold stare.

"You walk right through the door, with a brittle expression o your faces. And then walk back into your room, shut the door, and cry what's left of your heart out. Though you give all this display of guilt for your deeds, the next day you're outside flashing a bright smile to me, David, Frieda. And allow yourself to take the list from Cain's hands and load your gun."

As he talks, his smile slides off his face, but the wild look remains in his eyes.

"If you truly felt remorse, why don't you stop going to Cain? If you felt true remorse for all the people's lives you ended, for the families you broke up, why do you laugh so freely? Smile at silly things such as a kid running back to his mom? A couple hugging? You know what I think you are?"

He pauses and stalks forward, until only a few inches separate him from her.

He leans down, and whispers softy though this words cut through her. "I think you're a hypocrite. I think all this crying and mopping is just a show. It's just something to prevent you from feeling guilty that you actually enjoy what you do."

She freezes, and feels the blood drain from her face. Seeing her flinch at his accusation, he closes his mouth, and smirks at her.

Seeing him so sure of himself, so sure that what he said summed up her, that all she could see was red.

It was as if a dam that was cracking the whole time he was talking finally broke down. She could feel anger bloom from her center and overflow out of her, directing it all to him and his pompous ass smile.

"You don't know me." His smirk slips off, surprised she wasn't screaming or shouting bloody murder at him. But quickly his cruel grin is back on.

"You don't know me. You don't know the reasons why I cry. You don't know the reasons why I act the way I do. You don't understand where I come from or the circumstances. You don't know that my parents died from people like you and your family. People who are trained assassins, personal murderers. You don't know of how I came to Cain because I too sought to avenge my family."

He keeps his hard fa├žade, but slight hesitation is slowly creeping in.

"You may be right that I don't feel remorse for the people I kill now. I reached past the point of that. You don't understand however that I cry because every time I pull the trigger that a little piece of me dies. Because I know my soul is wasting away. "His face becomes bleak, pleading for me to stop with his eyes, which are finally emitting an emotion. Desperation. But she continues to talk, even when knowing tears are beginning to well up in her hard eyes. Because the dam had broken down, and the waters are spilling out.

"You don't understand how badly I want, hunger to regain my humanity. You don't understand how I can smile at such simple things such as a joke or when entering the arms of a warm hug. You don't understand that because I see so much killing, that I can feel myself dying, that I grab on the chance to laugh, to enjoy life as much as I can before I reach the point where I won't feel anything. That I can't feel anything. "

He's back to a poker face, and she sees the confusion in his eyes. A sad smile grows on her mouth, and feelings of pity washes with the waves.

"It's because you don't get it," to answer the questions in his eyes. He stiffens and tenses like a cobra offended. "You really don't. If you keep implying that I'm heartless, you should be the one looking in the mirror. If you think that I'm pathetic coming back crying, you're cruel because you show no angst or guilt for the harsh words you spit at me or your 'friends.'

I hate how you are detached and refuse to attempt to make yourself or others around you happy, knowing that you don't have a chaotic life to blame for." His face becomes red and blotchy, and opens his mouth to defend himself, but she cuts him off with a lift of the hand.

"Yes. I know your life isn't as perfect as I'm making it sound, but compared to mine, of what I had to undergo, your life is a freakin fairy tale."

She fills with resentment and bitterness, and becomes slighty digusted by him. She turns away and walks slowly to the window and looks up to the sky.

" And yet you undermine everyone around you. I despise seeing you have friends that amazingly stick by you and your bastardly attitude, and always having known the feeling of a fat wad of money in your pocket. So don't go around making people around you feel shitty just because they be happier than you. You don't have anyone else to blame but you."

When she turns back to face him, his face is downward, shadows clinging to the side of his face. His neck snaps back when he realizes she's once again in front of them.

He tenses as if waiting to recieve a punishment. Because he know feels like he deserves one.

He jumps slighty when she puts a hand to his cheek, her icy fingers leeching off the heat from him. For moment time seems to stand still, as she looks at her hand on his face neither with an angry or sad expression, while he meets her glazed eyes and tried to see into her head. She draws back her hand.

"I never tried to understand why you are who you are."

So don't assume you know me.

Author Note:

o-o You know what to do.