61"If your girl only knew
That you was trying to get with me
If your girl only knew
That you was dissin' her to talk to me
She would probably leave you alone
She would probably curse you out and unplug her phone
I bet she'd be glad that you was gone
And then she wouldn't have to worry..."
Aaliyah – If your girl only knew
DPOV
Sarah and I arrived at the hotel's ballroom entrance. She was dressed beautifully in a long, sequined champagne-colored gown, which I complimented with a matching tie and pocket square in my classic black tux. There was a line to check in, plus an additional line for the photographer. We could hear the loud bass of the music and the chittering of the crowd from the outside. I hoped to have a good time tonight, but Jess was always at the back of my mind. I told myself I wasn't going to look for her, but…I couldn't help it. My eyes scanned the entire room searching for her. I'd heard through the grapevine that she was coming with Von. For the past three weeks, I'd only seen her in Spanish where we'd stopped sitting together. We sometimes met eyes in the hallways between classes but never for more than a split second. I didn't expect tonight to be any different but I just wanted to see her at least once.
"…you're gonna save me a dance, right?" That sounded like Chris.
I turned around and confirmed that it was indeed him. Always needing to be the center of attention, he was dressed in this fitted burgundy hipster suit to match Amy's long velvet dress. He hadn't been talking to her, though. He was talking to someone in a group behind him. I took a few steps back to see if Jess was nearby only to be disappointed when I didn't see her with them. That's when I heard the sound of a female clearing her throat before feeling a soft tap on my shoulder.
"Looking for me?"
I snapped my head around and there she was. Her long, luxurious red dress hugged her body and displayed every single one of her lovely curves - curves I never knew could exist on a girl. The halter top pushed her breasts high and tight. Now those, I had noticed before. She had her hair pinned up, with the rest cascading down her back in elegant, dark curls. Cherry red lipstick coated her thick lips, complementing the color of her dress. Her cheeks were lightly dusted in bronze and her eyes smoldered under dark, smoky makeup. I had never seen a more erotic image in my life.
She offered me a small, half-hearted smile, which disappeared when she laid eyes on Sarah.
"H-hey, Jess," I stuttered, flustered by how sultry she looked and how awkward it was.
"Nice tux." Her hand brushed up on my shoulder. Though subtle, I could smell the delicious fragrance of her perfume; sweet and spicy, just like her.
"Thanks. You look nice, too." She looked better than nice, but the words I'd use to describe her might give Sarah a heart attack. I cleared my throat, "Sarah, this is Jess; Jess, this is Sarah."
"Hi," Jess said sharply.
"Hi." There was no mistaking Sarah's passiveness towards Jess.
Sensing the growing tension and with Von strolling up beside her, she excused herself. "I'll see you later."
As soon as she was out of earshot, Sarah snapped, "That's Jessica?"
"Yeah, that's her."
"So what? You guys are friends now?" she asked disgustedly.
I sighed, "We're not friends, but we're friendly, okay? We talked about this. I told you not everyone here was going to be white."
"That's not what I meant and you know it. You didn't tell me she looked like that. You didn't even tell me you were still talking to her."
"Maybe if you hadn't ghosted me for all those months…" I muttered.
She scoffed and crossed her arms, keeping her eyes focused on the entrance. We hadn't even made it inside yet and we were already arguing. Christ, it was going to be a long night.
We didn't say a word to each other as we finally entered the ballroom. I spotted Chris and Jeff, who waved me over. They'd commandeered two tables. One held Chris, Amy, Adam, Tanya, Von, and Jess. The other held Jeff, Donovan, Rebecca and her date. I held my breath as we walked over to them. Given how Sarah outright hated Jess, we sat at Jeff's table. I wasn't sure how they'd receive her. Only Jeff knew she was associated with Scott, but I'd never revealed whether she was a believer or not. To my relief, they were all cordial with her. Even Rebecca and Sarah seemed to take a liking to one another.
J: You're looking good tonight
Me: Thanks
Me: Nothing compared to you though
J: I've been thinking about you alot
Me: Me too
Me: Maybe we can talk later?
I was surprised at how easy it was to fall back into her good graces. I know I said it was over, but she just looked so damn fine. How could I turn her away? I couldn't think about anything else, didn't even remember why we were mad at each other in the first place. I was fully aware that we were just falling back into the same old patterns: us reconciling and attempting to be friends, only to have lust, shame and jealousy get in the way of things. Then everything turns to shit because we're never on the same page. And right now, I was at the jealousy stage as I watched Von and Jess out there on the dance floor. They started out dancing conservatively; facing each other without touching. But as the song picked up, they began to dance raunchier and raunchier. Her back was to him, and he eagerly gripped her hips from behind. My eyes centered on his hands. I wondered what he would do if I were to walk up to him and rip his fingers off one by one...
Sarah scoffed, having caught me staring at Jess. "Really, Derek?" I wish Jeff and Rebecca hadn't gone dancing because now I had no one to distract Sarah with.
"What?" I asked.
"Don't play dumb. You were totally staring at them - or at her, I should say."
Pathetically, I tried to play it off as something else. "Well...look at the way she's dancing," I said appallingly. "It's disgusting."
She rolled her eyes, "Yeah and you just can't seem to look away."
"Whatever, Sarah," I replied exhaustively.
Jess beckoned me to join them, to which I smiled apologetically and shook my head. I didn't get to see her reaction as Jeff stepped in and sandwiched her in the middle. Even with Von and Jess being good dancers, they couldn't save Jeff. He looked ridiculous, flailing his arms from side to side. But he didn't care because this was prom and he wanted to have a good time. That could have been me.
I noticed Jess say something to Jeff that made him look over at me. He nodded at her and then promptly left the dance floor. She and Von continued to dance, although they seemed to be having a discussion.
"Hey guys," Rebecca said, returning to our table. "Why aren't you dancing?"
Sarah shrugged, "There aren't any good songs."
Rebecca feigned agreement, "I know, right?" She glanced at Sarah nervously before speaking again. "Ugh, I'm all sweaty. I need to go fix my makeup. Wanna come with me?"
"I don't know..." Sarah said nervously.
"We have a suite upstairs. Nobody's in there."
"Alright. I'll be back, Derek."
When they were gone, Jeff tapped me on the shoulder, "Go dance with Jess."
"What?" I asked stupidly.
"Derek, go before I change my mind." He gave my head a light shove and pointed at Jess. She stood alone, watching me with hopeful eyes. I didn't want to leave her hanging.
"It never rains in Southern California..." The slow R&B song started, leaving only couples holding each other close. I nervously approached Jess as she clasped her hands together and bit her lip.
"Why do I feel like you had this planned all along?"
She smirked, "I don't know what you're talking about."
She draped her arms over me, drawing herself against my chest. I placed my hands strictly above her waist. Jess, being the natural dancer that she was, took the lead. I savored the warmth of her soft, warm body meshing with mine as we swayed back and forth. I could feel her perky breasts pressed against me as I ran my hands up and down her bare back. She laid her head on my shoulder, letting out a contented sigh. I closed my eyes, wishing I could hold her like this forever.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Chris and Amy glaring at us with utter contempt and disapproval, like we had personally offended them by daring to dance together.
"Chris is going to kick my ass," I whispered. She turned and looked for herself.
"Only we know what goes on between us, no one else," she whispered back reassuringly.
"I'm sorry about everything that happened," I said. "I lied when I said we were never friends. You're the only friend I've had in a long time, and I treated you like dirt."
She held me tighter, turning her head inward. "It wasn't just you. I messed up, too," she said, her voice tickling in my ear.
"I wish I could have met you before."
"Hm. But then what would we fight about?"
I chuckled, "I'm sure we'd find something."
As much as I wanted to keep dancing with her, I knew there was a time limit. But the song seemed to go on forever. I locked in on the entryway doors, waiting and dreading for Sarah to return. Jess was not happy to see me focusing on something other than her. She tipped my chin towards her, "Hey, I'm over here."
I smiled, "Do you have any idea what Sarah'll do if she sees us?"
She rolled her eyes, "She's just gonna have to get over it."
"She's jealous of you," I commented.
"I'm jealous of her."
"Why?"
"…because she gets to have you."
We stopped moving, and gazed into each other's eyes. Hers appeared black due to the dark lighting, but I could still make out the intense desire burning within that mirrored my own. In that moment, I imagined us back in my room. She was lying underneath me, moaning softly in my ear as I gently slid in and out of her. At that point, I just couldn't help myself. My hands dipped below her waist and she didn't even flinch - she liked it. I rubbed my thumbs in circles around her ass, trying to convey all the things I wanted to say and do to her. I watched her breasts heave up and down as she bit her lip. We were eye-fucking. This is why you stopped seeing each other, dipshit.
"I want to see you tomorrow." It wasn't a question.
"You know where I live," she replied, starting to walk away. But I wasn't ready to let her go just yet. I gently towed her back, bringing her hand up to my lips where I placed a light kiss before we parted ways again.
The rest of the prom was mostly a blur. I'd been in a daze the entire time. Sarah and I managed to dance for a couple songs, but my head was somewhere else – and she knew it. The ride back to her motel room was a quiet one, but there was no mistaking the tension that filled the car. I parked and had every intention of going around to open her door. But she'd done it herself and was already stomping up the stairs to get to her room. Reluctantly, I followed her.
"What's wrong?" I asked exhaustively, even though I already knew.
She stopped halfway up the stairs and looked down at me with burning eyes. "Really?! You're gonna stand there and pretend you don't know?!"
"Yes," I answered like a smartass.
"You and that fucking spic bitch!"
"Don't call her that!" I shouted, surprising us both at how quickly and passionately I'd defended Jess.
Undeterred, she rolled her eyes and continued her rant. "That's what she is! God, I knew you were friends with these people but this? I never thought it went this far."
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"I don't? You've been lying to me about her for five months!"
"We're just friends. I don't know what else you want me to say."
"God, you just keep lying! You told me you weren't friends, you were just friendly. So which is it, Derek?!"
Fuck. I guess I did say that.
"I didn't tell you because I knew you'd get like this. It's the same reason I didn't tell you about the rest of them."
"Don't drag them into this. I'm talking about you and her."
"Nothing happened!"
"Bullshit!"
"Sarah-"
"Are you fucking her?" she growled in a low, seething voice.
It wouldn't matter what answer I gave, she had already made up her mind. In her eyes, I was cheating on her with Jessica. And depending on the definition, maybe I was. I'd kissed her and masturbated to her – hell, she'd even slept in my bed. But we'd never actually had sex and that was the definition I went with. Still, I shouldn't have expected Sarah to be okay with that. I certainly wouldn't like it if she had befriended some black guy and made out with him, or any other guy for that matter.
I shrugged, "No, but it's not like you'll believe me anyway."
"How am I supposed to believe you when the whole fucking world can see that you've got a hard-on for that tramp?! And you know what? I'm not going to stick around for it."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying it's over."
I saw it coming a mile away, but it still shocked and hurt me all the same. I couldn't lose her – not this way. I tripped over myself running up the stairs to get to her. There was a large rip in my slacks at the knee, along with a minor scrape. I quickly recovered and shot up the stairs, only to be met with a slammed door. As pathetic as it was, I frantically knocked and begged her to open the door, "Come on, Sarah, talk to me, please. I don't want us to end it like this."
"Go away, Derek! I never want to see you again!" She screamed, her voice cracking.
"Don't say that, babe. Just open the door," I pleaded in the softest voice I could muster.
And to my surprise, she did. I was greeted with a vicious slap to the face. I wasn't angry, though. I deserved it for lying to her, and lying to myself. We stared each other down. Tears streamed down her face, but in her eyes, I saw vengeance and hatred. I wouldn't be able to talk my way out of this – at least not tonight.
"You are going to regret this," she seethed.
I looked down at the space between us and nodded my head. The guy she met five months just didn't exist anymore. That guy was an avowed white nationalist, a lone wolf and proud of it. He was planning to join the military and maybe marry her someday. Truth was, I'd felt incredibly lonely for a long time and it hurt every day to wake up to nothing and no one. Then Jess came along, guns blazing. She made me feel many things – hate, anger, frustration, annoyance, but most of all, she made me feel alive. She reminded me how good it felt to just be with another person. That she was Hispanic added this taboo element that I was shamefully turned on by. I tried to bury those feelings, pretend they weren't real. Then I tried and failed to transfer those feelings onto Sarah. I never loved her, I was just using her as a shield. And now she knew the truth.
"I'm sorry," I said lowly.
"Oh, not as sorry as you're gonna be," she sneered.
Car lights dashed across my field of vision. I turned around and saw Luke's car – he'd parked behind me, blocking me in. He wasn't supposed to pick up Sarah until tomorrow morning. If he was here now, she must have called him at least two hours ago. And if he was angry then, he would be even more so now. There was no way out of this. I was probably going to get my ass kicked. My chest heaved, breath shaky, and my heart thumping like a time bomb ready to explode as Luke approached. He only needed to see my disheveled face and torn slacks.
"What'd you do to my sister?" he accused, shoving me harshly.
I shrugged, "Nothing. She dumped me."
"Is it true? You cheated with some fuckin' wetback?"
"No-"
I saw something shiny and metallic peer out from behind his leg. I never saw it coming. A crushing blow to the head sent me reeling onto the ground. Still conscious and now filled with adrenaline, I tried to get up and run but Luke landed a second thwack to my abdomen. I curled into the fetal position, trying to protect my organs from further damage. So instead, he started to beat on my shoulders and back. I arched backwards, and yelled as I was now experiencing excruciating pain on both sides of my body. I steadied myself on all fours in order to keep my torso aligned. Again, I tried to get up, but Luke slammed his boot into my face before spitting on me. My body fell flat onto the unforgiving concrete – right back where I started.
"Luke! Stop it!" Sarah's screams echoed through the parking lot. I couldn't see, but I could hear the scuffling between brother and sister. "Give me that! That's enough!"
"I told you not to trust him, didn't I?! He's a fucking race traitor!"
"Shut up and get in the car!"
I heard the sound of a creaky door slam shut and the engine rev.
"Oh my god, Derek. Are you okay?!" Sarah cried, trying to wake me without moving me. "Please wake up…" she sobbed. "911? Can you send someone please…my boyfriend was in a fight…he's not moving…I think he's still breathing…It's the Beach Inn Motel on Atresia, I think…We're in the parking lot."
JPOV
"Hello?" I asked, stifling a yawn. It was 3am.
"Jess. Derek's in the hospital."
It felt like a gut punch, a fear and panic so strong that it threatened to tear apart my insides.
"What?!" I was hoping against hope that Jeff was playing some kind of sick joke.
"I don't know what happened. They said he was attacked. His mom and that girl he was with are with him right now."
"Well, is he okay?! I mean like can he talk?"
"Not right now. His mom is the one who called me. He's got some broken ribs, dislocated shoulder and a head injury."
"Which hospital is he at? I want to go."
"Nah, I already asked. It's two visitors max. We can't see him until tomorrow."
Me: Please call me when you wake up
Me: I need to know your ok
Me: I'm so sorry baby
Me: I love you
By the time visiting hours started, he still hadn't called or texted me. I assumed he was still sleeping, but that wouldn't stop me and Jeff from being by his side. Derek's mom met us at the elevators. She looked exhausted, heavy bags hung under her tired, red eyes. She managed a half-hearted mom smile before hugging the both of us. She led us towards his room. I promised myself I'd be brave as I imagined the worst – him being sedated with tubes coming out of every orifice.
"…she'll take you over there, it's not a big deal," Derek spoke as we walked in. He was sitting up in bed, alert and talking to Sarah. The upper right side of his head was bruised badly. His right eye had trouble staying open due to all the swelling. The top of his head was wrapped in several layers of gauze, he had a sling on his left arm, and several support pillows in various places around his body. As far as tubes went, he only had a single IV going. "Hey guys," he greeted us. He was surprised to see us, but it seemed to perk him up.
"I'd hug you but I'm sure it'd be painful," Jeff said wearily.
Derek grinned, "It's okay, I'm glad you're here." He then shifted his eyes to me, a look of guilt and pensiveness. "Hey, Jess," he said awkwardly. There were so many things we wanted to say to each other that went unsaid. For now, I had to settle for holding his hand.
Derek's mom gathered her purse and keys, "I'm going to drive her back to the motel but I'll be back later."
Sarah, her cheap-looking prom dress dragging on the dirty hospital floor, placed Derek's phone on his side table. "I charged your phone for you." Her eyes then shot up at me, hateful and accusatory – like she'd kill me standing if she could get away with it.
"Thanks," Derek answered, unaware of what just happened.
"I'll call you later," she sputtered, still sneering at me.
It didn't seem like Derek had seen any of my messages and I wasn't about to call attention to them, either. Seeing as how he wasn't dead or dying, my feelings for him weren't as serious – at least that's what I told myself. Jeff and I sat on either side of him, eager to find out what the hell happened.
"They said you were attacked?" Jeff began.
Derek sighed and shook his head. "She and I broke up. Her brother came to get her and starting hitting me with a crowbar. She called 911 and I ended up here. Trust me, it looks worse than it feels. They reset my shoulder in the ER. Doc says everything else will heal on its own."
"What happened with her brother?" I asked defensively.
He seemed reluctant to talk about it, but when Jeff eyed him with the same curiosity as I did, he knew he had to tell us something.
"It was the hospital that called the police. We both had to give our statement. He's in jail right now."
"What's going to happen to him?" Jeff asked.
"I don't know. Sarah's really torn up about it. He's probably going to do some jail time, pay a fine, community service. Her dad is still in rehab. She's probably going to live with her aunt and uncle in Fresno."
"Who cares…" I muttered under my breath.
"Fuck jail. That guy needs to be in prison!" Jeff exclaimed.
Derek shrugged, "Yeah well, it's not up for us to decide. Honestly, I don't even care."
"He could have killed you, Der," I reminded him.
"But he didn't."
"I don't understand how you can be so calm about this!"
"Guys, he hit me with a crowbar a few times. He's in jail and I'm gonna be okay."
He picked up his phone, essentially dropping the subject. I started fidgeting in the chair and furiously tapping my foot as he read through his messages. Covertly, I positioned myself to see the screen. His mom, Jeff, Chris, and finally me. I held my breath as he opened the conversation – but only the first message I sent him was there. What the fuck? And then it clicked: that bitch must have seen and deleted my other messages. Just as well, she may have done me a favor.
I relaxed a bit, and the three of us spent the morning watching TV and eating all the snacks we could find. The nurse was concerned about his pain, but Derek would only accept Tylenol instead of the much stronger pain meds the doctor had ordered. He was in more pain than he let on, but tried to tough it out.
"Der, if you're in pain-"
He scoffed, "It's going to hurt for awhile but I can manage it. If I can't, I'll just tell the nurse, okay? I promise."
When the physical therapist came to assess him, we watched as he slowly got out of bed. The trouble came when he tried to stand up straight. With his left arm in a sling and his broken right ribs, he was forced to use his right arm to guard that side of his torso. As a consequence, it left him with an unsteady gait. The therapist was concerned about him falling, but Derek was stubborn and insisted on walking around the entire unit. When he got back into bed, he did appear a bit more stronger and upright, but he was grimacing. The therapist cleared him for discharge, recommending outpatient PT for him. Both the nurse and the therapist had to lecture him on the need for proper pain management in order for the PT treatment to be successful. He finally relented and requested Norco, which according to the nurse was a mix of Tylenol and hydrocodone. After he took that pill, he seemed to relax and drift off to sleep.
His mom came back to the hospital, looking somewhat refreshed. She said she had stopped off at home to take a shower and get a change of clothes for Derek. When the doctors knew she had returned, they came into the room and had a lengthy discussion. Most of it was in doctor-speak but basically they just told her what the nurse and physical therapist had told us: rest, pain control, and PT. After that, he was cleared to go home.