OooOOOooO

Crash and Burn

Chapter Twenty-Two

Happy

OooOOOooO

"Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears." – John Lennon

I spent the entire plane ride back to London agonising over how to get into contact with Logan. We hadn't really broken up so he was technically still my boyfriend – I should not be agonising this much over how to talk to my boyfriend. However, our circumstances were rather peculiar. I didn't know if he was still staying at the same hotel and I doubt the hotel would give away any information on one of its VIPs, so I couldn't show up out of the blue. I could talk to Ari, but I was still annoyed at her for being so perfect and going to Orlando with Logan, even though I still thought she was amazing.

I settled on a text and finally, after even more deliberating, decided on what to say.

Want to meet up and talk?

Yeah, it was probably the lousiest thing I'd ever written. I wanted to start off with an apology for not talking to him for weeks, but then that would lead into another apology and the whole reason for this mess. I had to resist the urge to add an easy out for him, along the lines of 'it's okay if you can't, I know you're busy!' That would just be pathetic and if, god forbid, he did want out, I was not going to make it easy for him. Not after the revelation Tori browbeat into me and weeks of hanging around damn couples, waiting until I could return to London. And him.

I got back a reply almost instantly, my phone lighting up as I waited for my luggage in the airport.

No. Us being apart is doing wonders for my music.

I gaped at the message, stunned. What the fuck? What did that even mean? I was working myself up into a frantic mess, probably looking crazy to all the other people surrounding me, when my phone beeped again with another text.

I AM SO SORRY that was Gina. Yes, I would love to. Want me to come over? Or do you want to come here? Or we go somewhere?

My heart melted and I smiled. This was, without a doubt, my Logan. And I knew deep down, finally, that I was making the right decision. I loved this man with everything in me and four years of separation had done nothing to diminish it.

I'll come over. Same place?

Okay, so that was being a bit of a coward. If I went over there, I had the option of walking out, whereas if he came over to mine, it'd be a bit awkward if I stormed out. Plus, I had the nosiest roommates on Earth. They'd probably film the entire thing. Idiots.

I didn't want my courage to waver and, with an essay length text from Tori telling me to suck it up and talk to Logan, I got a taxi straight from the airport to the hotel. The lovely lady behind the reception desk let me keep my luggage behind the desk and then I was in the elevator and suddenly I was in front of Logan's door.

I let out a deep breath and tried to calm the roaring in my ears. He was still Logan, for god's sake. I'd seen him shove toy police up his nose when we were young, how scary could he be?

I knocked.
"Regan," he breathed, eyes wide as he opened the door almost immediately. His eyes swept up and down me, drinking me in as I did the same to him. He looked exactly as I remembered him and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed with him and hold him for the rest of the night. "You look… tired."

I had the beginnings of a smile on my face that fell into a scowl when I heard that.

"Well I just got off a ten hour flight from Orlando, so excuse me for not looking my best."

"You came here straight from the airport?" Logan asked.

"Of course I did. I wanted to talk to you as soon as possible."

"Oh thank god," Logan said and stepped forward, hugging me tightly before I could even think twice. "Before you say anything," he said into my hair, breath warm and comforting on my neck. "I want you to know that I meant it when I said I loved you. I get where you were coming from about having an equal relationship and you have to know that I never meant it that way, it just kills me to hurt you—"

"Logan," I said, extricating myself from him with a smile. "Why don't we go inside and talk about this properly, instead of you saying it into my neck? It's not like I'm breaking up with you or anything." That last bit was blurted out with an embarrassed chuckle at the end, making me want to cringe and punch myself in the head at the same time. I sounded so damn nervous. But what if he was going to break up with me? I didn't know many break up speeches that began with 'I love you' but what did I know?

Logan was staring at me with wide eyes.

"Yeah, of course, yeah."
A flustered Logan was an unbearably cute Logan, and I just wanted to grab him up and kiss him senseless. But no, we had to talk. No more procrastinating on it or finding more excuses.

The room looked a lot more lived in this time, with some photographs throughout the room and other signs of actual life. There was even a bowl of fruit on the kitchen counter.

Logan huffed out a breath and turned around, running a hand through his hair.

"Did you mean what you said out there?" he asked, gesturing to the now closed door.

"What?" I asked, frowning. From memory, he was the one doing most of the talking.

"About not breaking up with me."
I frowned even harder and then I understood.

"You thought I was coming over here to break up with you? Are you serious?" I exclaimed, and Logan scowled petulantly. It was so far from the truth I was having trouble grasping it.

"That's not fair. You haven't talked to me in weeks. It's been, what, almost two months now? I was beginning to think you'd just dumped me without telling me! Or, god, you'd sent me a break-up text and it hadn't gone through!"

"I wouldn't break up with anyone over text," I said hotly.

"That's not the point! I was going insane and I had to find out through Bryce that you were even alive!"

Let me add that they are also the most meddling roommates on Earth. As if being nosey wasn't enough.

I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. Tori had specifically told me not to get hyped up and angry over nothing, like I normally did.

"I'm sorry," I said softly, looking down at my hands. "I'm sorry that I haven't contacted you for months and I know how unfair that is to you. I'd decided to talk to you a few weeks ago but I was at home and thought this conversation would be better had face-to-face. I still think that but I should have given you something."
Logan was silent.

"And I'm also sorry that I didn't stay around to sort things out with you. I convinced myself that we'd talked it all out and then ran, when I should have stayed. Another thing I'm sorry for is that I never committed wholly to our relationship. I convinced that going slow was best and then never expanded on that. It was my way of giving myself a way out, because I was convinced you were going to leave me. But if you haven't left me when I refused to talk to you in two months, I kind of have hope that you won't leave me now?"

Logan stared at me for a moment, silver eyes inscrutable, before he said, "So what are you trying to say?"
I gave him a wan smile, twisting my hands in front of me. "I'm not being very clear am I?" I took a deep breath. "Tori, in her usual sledgehammer way, made me realise a lot of things about our relationship when I was at home. I need to fully commit myself, wholeheartedly, to this relationship, otherwise it won't work. I can't keep running from it or keeping myself reserved. I have to stick with it even it's hard, because I love you and… and you love me. After all the shit I've put you through, it's hard for me to believe that, but that is all part of committing myself to this. I can't be scared and I can't guard myself in the event that for some reason, somewhere down the line, you leave me. And… and I'm out of things to say. I don't know. I just want to be with you, no holds barred. I love you, Logan. I never stopped in those four years that we were apart and I doubt I ever will."

Logan stared at me for a moment and with every passing second, it felt like someone was trying to rip my heart out of my chest. Finally, finally, a slow smile spread across his face before it became an all out grin, lighting up the whole room and making me smile hesitantly in answer.

"I love you so much," he breathed, then crushed me to him. Our lips met and there was nothing gentle about it. This was all about making up for lost time and trying to dispel all the stress and heartache and sadness from the room. My hands immediately buried themselves in his hair, running through it exactly as I'd wanted to since I'd first seen him in the doorway.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," he said in-between kisses. "I never want to hurt you again. I've learnt my lesson, god, I have. We are going to work on communicating properly and I will tell you everything from now on—"

"How about you just shut up for now?" I said, breaking the kiss and cocking an eyebrow at him. I began pushing him towards the bed, grinning. He stumbled backwards, face lax, nodding fervently.

"Yes, bed, that's definitely a good idea, bed."

OooOOOooO

It was late morning but I didn't want to move. I was face down in Logan's bed, the man lying next to me as he traced patterns onto my naked back. It made my skin break up in Goosebumps but it was still an amazing feeling. We'd made love twice over the course of the night and yes, I can now say we made love instead of any other euphemism. Because that was what it felt like now. Making love. I loved him and he loved me, and nothing else mattered because I had pledged to get through it with him.

His hand stopped.

"There is one thing you need to know," he said softly and I froze up. Ice slithered down my spine as I slowly sat up, hugging a pillow in front of my nakedness. This wasn't the kind of conversation I wanted to have with no clothes on, but I was in too much turmoil to hunt around for where I'd thrown my shirt last night.

"What?" I asked shakily and he reached forward immediately, covering my hand in his.

"It's nothing horrible, I promise." I relaxed a bit. "When you were gone, I refused to think that you wouldn't come back to this. To us. So I… I made some arrangements."
I frowned, foreboding creeping up again.

"What?" I asked again. "Just spit it out."
"I've spoken to the label and decided to move my home base out here, instead of Los Angeles. I spoke with Gina as well and decided that it was best to keep things quiet for the moment. We agreed that I would work on songs for a new album, but I would have a year to do it. So I'll still be doing some appearances around Europe and the UK, and might even have to travel back to the US every once in a while, but I'll mainly be here. And with my music career evening out, the paparazzi won't be as crazy about me. Or us."

My first instinct was to tell him no. I wanted to tell him that his music was more important than me and I didn't want him putting his whole career on hold just so he could be with me.

But I stopped myself.

This was Logan's decision. Sure, I understood that I did get a say in his decisions and his in mine, now that we were in a proper relationship, but he'd made this one knowing all the facts. He'd chosen me over his music, and the quiet confidence I saw in his eyes when I looked more carefully told me that this was what he wanted. He wanted to spend time concentrating on our relationship, out of the spotlight, without the pressures of his celebrity status and the record label breathing down his neck.

So I said, "Okay."
"Okay?" he repeated. "That's it?"

I took a deep breath and smiled.

"I don't want you to think that to be with me, you have to put your music on hold. But I think you've thought about this decision a lot and aren't feeling forced into it by me. So… I'm happy."
He studied me carefully, then placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

"You're a lot calmer than normal."
I snorted and hit him on the arm. "I've had an entire month of Tori drilling it into me that I can't mess this up with you again. That's a lot of time to get my priorities set and make everything right in my head. So… yeah, I guess that does make for a calmer Regan, seeing as how I'm not fight ten different battles in my head."

He grinned, eyes crinkling endearingly at the corners and making my heart leap.

"I love you," he whispered, leaning in and capturing my lips properly once more.

OooOOOooO

"I know that look," Bryce said when I walked in the door. "That is what I called the well-fucked look. So where's Logan?"

"Here," he said sheepishly, cheeks turning pink as he came in the door after me, tugging my suitcase along.

"Ha, I knew it!" Bryce crowed. "Sandy, you owe me fifty quid!"

"You were betting on me?" I asked, exasperated.

Logan dumped my bags in my room as I confronted Bryce.

She shrugged.

"Yeah, why not? I said that you'd talk to him within two days of being back in the country and Sandy said it would take a week and probably another intervention."

"You should've let me in on this bet!" I whined as Sandy came out of his room with his wallet, looking grumpy.

"You couldn't have lasted a few more days, huh?" he asked, scowling at me. "Instead you had to get back with him within an hour of getting off the plane. Some of us are poor and don't have a rich partner to support them."

"Hey!" Kelsey called from Sandy's room, sounding pissed off. "If you don't like the girlfriend you have, feel free to get a new one, you big nerd!"

Sandy trudged back into the room, saying, "Oh please, you're a bigger nerd than me anyway. You still watch Dragon Ball-Z and you already know pretty much all the lines to the new Star Trek movie."

The door slammed shut behind them.

"And that reminds me!" Bryce said, turning back to me. "You were gone for two days – you didn't think to tell your darling roommates what you were up to? Just an 'arrived' text would have been nice."

I shrugged.

"I texted my dad." Then I smiled slowly, slyly. "Didn't have much time for anything else, you know."
Bryce perked up.

"Ooh really? You'll have to give me blow-by-blow details. Now that you're getting it on the regular again we're gonna have to exchange notes—"

"Ew no Bryce, I am not dissecting my sex life with you. I hear yours often enough to know I don't really want to know about it."

"Fine," she said superciliously. "Be that way. But just so you know, I'm always up for a good chat about sex and I can bet you I know a few moves you've never heard of." She paused. "We should start going to yoga together."
I blanched and thankfully, Logan rescued me.

"All right, I think I've heard enough of that!" he said, grabbing me by the arm and dragging me towards my room. "I don't even want to know what it is two girls share. I am completely happy in my ignorance."

"I'm always open for a chat with you too, Logan, don't be shy!" she called, just as Logan slammed the door.

I broke out laughing as Logan sighed deeply. He saw me and grinned, tugging on my hand until I was resting along the hard length of his body, lips almost brushing.

"Can you try not tell her every detail of our love life, sex or otherwise?" he asked with a small smile, eyes sparkling.

I was still chuckling.

"I can't make any promises, I'm sorry. This is one thing I have no control over. Bryce can be damn persuasive when she wants to be. And if you team her with Eddie, I'm doomed."

"I don't think I want to be friends with your friends," Logan said, sounding slightly sick.

"It's too late," I said, smiling wickedly. "They've already gotten their claws into you. There's no shaking them off now, I should know."

"Hmm, maybe I will talk to Bryce. She can give me some tips on how to be completely immovable from your life."

I snorted and rolled my eyes.

"You are so corny, please stop now."

"Why? I love you so much. You're just so beautiful all the time, especially when you've just woken up and your breath stinks and you have pillow creases on your face. And let's not forget when you get food caught in your teeth at dinner. Mmm, sexy," he purred, eyes sparkling wickedly.

"Ew!" I cried, wrenching my hand back and taking a few steps away. "You're not very good at waxing poetic. How are you meant to woo me with lines like that? And please, you're morning breath isn't so crash hot either and neither is the drooling on your pillow. Or the snoring that you do when you sleep on your back. I could go on for ages. You are just plain gross."

Logan grinned.
"Well that's just too bad, because you're stuck with me now. No running away from now, ever again."

My smile faded as the mood turned serious.

"No more running away," I repeated. "I've got to stick it out from now on."

"I'm holding you to that," Logan said softly. "Because I love you and I never want to let you go again. Once was enough but we have our second chance now."

I smiled back.

It was a simple thing, but in that moment, I was happy. I'd opened myself up completely and let him in, and he hadn't disappointed me so far. I couldn't remember the last time I had slowed down and thought, plain and simple, that I was happy. Tori's words all those weeks ago, asking me if I was truly happy as I was, suddenly held a lot more significance now as they rang in my ears.

Yes. Yes, I was happy.

OooOOOooO

A/N: This chapter is for all those people who kept reminding me to update! I feel like I just updated, but in reality it was months ago… sorrysorrysorry!

Thanks to everyone's support in the reviews, and I love when you guys point out errors (because I honestly suck at editing and always miss a few).

I also now have Pharrell's song in my head, thanks to the chapter title.

Love yas!