8If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.
-A.A. Milne
I was standing in the aisle between the pews talking to Karen when I saw him walk through the door. I had known Andrew would be here today, and I had looked forward to seeing him, even if I hated to admit it.
But as soon as I saw him, my mind flashed back to a hot summer day over ten years ago.
A tall, gangly boy in a baseball cap had his index finger hooked through the belt loop of a pair of cut-off jeans a little girl with long legs was wearing, just leading her along. He looked to be about ten, and she was around eight. The little girl had a blue stain around her mouth from a snow cone that seemed to have gotten everywhere but in her mouth. It was smudged on her cheeks, her hands were sticky with it, and it had dripped all down her shirt.
He turned around and grinned at her. "You've got a little something right there." He licked his thumb and wiped it against the little girl's cheek, trying to get the blue smear off. The little girl squealed and tried to get away, but he had her by the belt loops.
In my mind, I saw the little girl grow up. Her legs grew even longer as did her light brown hair. She looked to be about fourteen now and she was standing by a boy who had thick locks of dark hair under a worn-in baseball cap. He looked to be about sixteen in this picture. She was looking at him with bright eyes, ignoring the hectic noise of the fair around them. About that time, he grabbed her by the belt loops and pulled her closer to him. After kissing her on the cheek, he smirked as his best friend blushed. She saw him shake his head with a little grin on his face. It was obvious that she was wondering what he could possibly be thinking.
Another scene flashed in her mind. It was in a high school. The gangly boy was once again tugging the same girl down the hallway by a belt loop. They looked only about a year older. People looked on, seemingly envious. They were just so cute together. The girl with the light brown hair and long legs was going to marry that boy with the old baseball cap and tall, gangly frame. Everyone knew it.
The last scene that flitted through her mind was of that same girl who looked at the boy with bright eyes and blush on her cheeks. But in this scene she was holding a cracked picture frame in her hands. It was of a little girl who was being dragged along by her belt loop and didn't seem to mind at all. She was smiling as was the boy who was leading her down that old, country lane. Tear drops spilled onto the picture frame because that little boy who she had fallen in love with at such a young age was leaving.
I shook my head to try and discard the memories plaguing my mind. So what? Drew was back after three years of being gone. Three long years.
I can do this, I tried to encourage myself. I looked back up to see him looking right at me. Ah . . . No, I can't. I turned around and darted through some pews, leaving Karen there with her mouth open, staring after me. I left the sanctuary of the church through a side door and darted down the hallway, hating myself for wearing sandals that day.
I darted into the third door on the right. The nursery. I had always loved little kids. There were only four kids in there at the time because it was a pretty small church. Small church in a small town.
My grandma was sitting in a rocking chair in the corner, trying to lull little Lilly to sleep. Grams always worked in the nursery on the first and third Sunday of every month. She loved kids, too. I'm guessing it's why she had five kids of her own.
Grams looked at me with a knowing look. That was the thing about Grams: she could read me like a large print children's book. "May told me that little Andrew was back . . . well, at least for a little while." May was my grandma's best friend, and she was also Andrew's grandma. Small town, remember?
"Andrew ain't little anymore, Grams," I told her.
She pursed her lips and shot me a look that was dripping with sarcasm. "I know that, Katie Beth. But when you're knocking on sixty-three, a twenty-one year old boy still seems so young."
"Man," Katie muttered, thinking about when she saw him walking through the church's double doors. His shoulders filled in his shirt more, he was tall but not lanky as he had been, and he had a few days stubble on his jaw. But she could still see the little boy in him that she had grown up with. As he had walked through the church doors, she saw him taking off an old beat-up baseball cap, and an impish grin crossed his face as he shook the hand of the deacon that used to always get onto him when he was being disruptive during a sermon.
And then, when he looked at her, a different expression crossed his face. She couldn't explain it. He suddenly looked like the little boy that used to tug on her belt loops. An expression that innocent looked odd on a grown man's body.
I looked up at Grams to see her smirking. "Man, huh? Was he handsome?" She inquired. I nodded my head. "I always knew he was going to grow up and be a fine-looking young man." She was antagonizing me!
"Grams!" I squealed.
She widened her eyes, trying to look innocent. I shot her a look, and she slumped her shoulders. "Sorry, sorry!" I smiled to show her it was okay. "Well, did you talk to him?" she prodded.
"Nope. . . I saw him and kinda ran away," I admitted sheepishly.
"Humph. Kinda ran away? You stormed in here red faced and breathing hard, Katie Beth," she admonished.
I blushed. "Okay, so I did run away. Big deal."
My grandma was quiet for a little bit, and when Lilly finally fell asleep in her arms, she laid her in a crib. She checked on the other little kids, who were about two or three, that were playing with blocks. Then, she came and sat back down in her chair.
"Here, let me braid your hair," she said softly. I came and sat on my knees in front of her while she pulled my hair back into two French braids. She did them lose because she knew I hated when my hair was pulled back tight, and it hurt my scalp.
"You and little Andrew used to be so happy together. You reminded me so much of me and your grandpa. The way you two looked at each other . . ." She trailed off. "I always knew he'd come back, though."
"You did?" I asked as she ended the last braid and put a hair bow around it. I turned around to face her.
She smiled at me. "Yes. Yes, I did. I knew he left something a bit too important behind."
I was positive I knew what my Grams was going to say, but I wanted to hear it. Maybe get some reassurance from it. "A little girl with French braids that made him feel like the whole world was in his hands."
I smiled and tried not to let the tears that were making my vision blurry slide down my cheeks. "I've really missed him," I told Grams.
She leaned over and hugged me. It was an awkward hug considering I was on my knees in the floor, and she was in a rocking chair. It was still comforting, though. "I know," she whispered as we pulled apart. "You feel like you've lost you're very best friend, and you think you're never gonna get over it."
"I have lost my best friend, and it's been three years, Grams. When will I get over it?" I felt hopeless.
Her grandma just smiled at her like she had some big secret, and I was really blind not to notice it.
After that, we gave the little ones some snacks, changed any diapers that needed it, and then played blocks with them.
When the first of the parents came to pick up their child, I bid goodbye to Grams and told her I would see her later. I walked down the hall, away from the sanctuary and exited through the side door. This one went right to the parking lot, which would've been nice had I actually driven to church. But no, I walked to the church. The bad thing about that was that to get to the road I would have to walk past all the people congregated in front of the church welcoming Drew home.
I sucked in a deep breath. I was about to think through all my options when I heard someone shout my name.
"Katie Beth! C'mere!" It was Chance Daniels. He used to be Drew's closest friend — besides me — in high school. I squared my shoulders and decided that I just needed to toughen up and face my past.
I walked towards Chance, who was standing just on the fringe of all the people who were greeting Drew. He pulled me into one of his famous side hugs. "Hey, I found ya you're groom!"
"Me and Drew aren't getting married," I told Chance patiently, but I could feel the tightness in my throat. I could see Drew clearly now. He was standing right in the middle of everybody, laughing, shaking hands, and giving hugs. His little brother, Matt, who was only a year younger than me, was standing right next to him. Matt and Drew might've been three years apart, but they couldn't have been closer.
Matt had only been fifteen years old when his brother left for college. I know it was a big blow for him because he'd always looked up to Drew.
"Whatever, Katie. Everyone knows you two are gonna grow old together . . . least that's what Lex says." Lexi was Chance's high school sweetheart. He proposed to her on their graduation day—it was Drew's graduation, too. They ran off and got married that summer, and they've been together three years now.
"How is Lex?" I asked, welcoming a subject change.
Chance smirked at me. "I don't know. Why don't we go ask her." That's when I realized what Chance was up to. When I looked around for Lex, I saw her engaged in conversation with Drew.
"Chance," I said warningly, but he had already grabbed my elbow and was towing me right through the throng of people and straight to Drew and Lex.
When we were in front of them, everyone sort of froze. I could hear people around us stop their talking. It was a small town, so everyone knew what went down three years ago.
I looked up at Drew. His eyes were on me, taking me in. I hadn't changed much. I was still the girl with the long, light brown hair and green eyes. The way he looked at me with his light, blue eyes had always made me feel special, and it still did. I felt like I was the only girl in his world, the only girl that he even looked at. That's the type of hold over me he has. He can make me feel like the only girl in his world still, even if I do know he's capable of just packing up and leaving me behind without a call.
"Kates," he said. Drew was the only one in the whole world who called me that. Then, he smiled, and his eyes sparkled. That was the guy I remembered growing up with. Sparkling eyes, dimpled smile. That was the boy who had always had a special piece of me, and then left, taking it with him. Now he's back, no longer a teenage boy, but a grown man.
"Why don't I walk you home, Kates?" He was still looking at me like he was oblivious to everyone else, like I was all he saw. And I liked it that way. How could I say no to him?
"If that's what you'd like." Okay, so he may be looking at me like that, and I may have just agreed to let him walk me home, but my voice held an unmistakable, icy edge that did not go unnoticed by him. His smile faltered.
He held out a hand anyway as he asked, "You ready?"
I brushed past him and headed towards the road. I heard him say, "Wish me luck." To whom he said it, I don't know. I was already to the road when he caught up. "Geez, Long Legs, were you even gonna wait for me?"
I kept walking. I was really proud of myself for all the control I was exercising. We walked in silence until we were out of view of all the watchful eyes that were standing on the front lawn of the church. Frankly, this put us already halfway to my house.
Oh, and don't think I didn't notice how close he was walking to me. We were pretty much shoulder to shoulder, and our hands brushed every few steps. Every time I would try to scoot away, he would oh so smoothly get closer to me again.
"You're mad," he said once my house came into view.
"You just now notice that, Einstein?" I asked sarcastically.
"Actually, I noticed it before you ran away when you saw me this morning. The way your shoulders were set looked like you were ready for battle." There was a bit of laughter playing at the edge of his voice. I tried not to smile.
Suddenly, he was serious. "I had to go to college," he said.
I whirled around on him. "Of course you had to! You don't think I didn't know that? Didn't understand? Didn't want it for you? Because I did! I did, Andrew, I did!" I was screaming at him by the end. So much for control. "I even understood why you broke up with me! It hurt, but I understood!"
"You wanna know what I didn't understand, though? Huh? You wanna know?" He opened his mouth, but I was too riled up to wait for his answer. "I didn't understand why we couldn't be friends! I grew up with you! You were my best friend! Did I not deserve at the very least a call? Maybe just to tell me you settled in alright?" I paused to take a few deep breaths. Drew seemed too shocked to answer. That made me even more mad. What on Earth did he expect from me?
"Were you too good, Andrew? Is that it? Were you too good for me because you went off to college, and I was stuck here in some forsaken, small town? Tell me!" I screamed at him. But once again, I didn't wait for an answer. I turned and ran down the road towards my house. I had only gotten about ten feet before I realized I needed to take my sandals off if I wanted to make it back to my house. I took them both off and turned to throw them at Drew, who was still standing in the same spot, shocked. One of the shoes would've hit his head, but he ducked. When he came back up, the second shoe hit him square in the chest.
I didn't waste the time to see his reaction or act satisfied. I just turned and ran barefoot the rest of the way to my house. I hopped the gate, and I was glad I hadn't worn a dress today. I ran up the driveway and skipped the steps on my porch. It wasn't until then that I turned around. It wasn't until then that I realized Drew had chased after me. He was at the bottom of the porch steps. I watched as he took them two at a time, his eyes on me the whole time. I was out of breath from my run, and my eyes were watering. I was crying.
"What, Andrew? What, after three years, do you have to say to me now?" I was no longer yelling. My voice was just a whisper, and it sounded almost like a plea.
He stood on the porch now, right at the top of the stairs. He stared at me, his face unreadable. "Kates . . ." he trailed off. He didn't say anything for a minute. And then, all of a sudden, he was striding towards me. About a foot away from me, he stopped. Then, he slipped his index fingers into my belt loops and pulled me towards him.
There wasn't any space left between us when I looked up into his eyes. Without any warning, he pressed his mouth against mine. His fingers stayed hooked on my belt loops, reminding me of all the times before when he had kissed me like this. It was easy. It was natural. And I had missed it so much.
When we finally pulled away from each other, I looked up at his face. He wore a sheepish smile. I slapped him.
It wasn't too hard, and it definitely wasn't one of those moments in movies where the guy's head jerks to the side and a pink mark shows up on his cheek almost immediately. No, Drew only looked confused.
"What was that for?!" he asked, defensively. He can be so stupid sometimes. I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed him on the mouth again.
"I missed you," I whispered. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned my head into the crook of his neck. I felt the rumbling in his chest, and I heard the familiar, sweet sound of his laugh. I felt his arms wrap tightly around my waste, pulling me even closer, and he held me that way.
"Is that why you hit me?" He asked. I nodded against the crook of his neck. Still laughing, he said, "I love you, too, Kates." I could hear the honesty in his voice despite the laughter.
Drew wasn't completely off the hook, and it might take a while for him to earn all my forgiveness. But I had it in me to give it to him. It might take a little work, but we can get through it. We have God, and anything is possible through Him. Something just feels right with Drew, and I couldn't imagine giving up on us now while we're still so young. I want to spend the rest of my life with the man, and I'm more than willing to work for it.
Please review! Constructive criticism is welcome. I would like to know what my mistakes are and how I could fix them. It would really be appreciated. =)