Phronemophobia #2

By kaitlyn123348

The strongest that anyone could possibly feel is when life didn't matter. When the stress of the day melted away, and when you didn't care what was going to happen because in the darkness nothing is there. Hm life, such a odd thought that always scares me every time I think. Why is it, that I can see, that I can feel, and that I can learn only what is around me. Why can I not see through someone elses point of view? Why is it, that out of everyone in the whole world the only person you understand fully is yourself? As a young child, it feels as though you lived forever yet being fourteen and noticing how fast a year goes by and cannot remember a time before. I don't remember the first time I saw life or earth but I don't ever remember not seeing it. Does that mean I am familiar with it? Was I on earth before I was even born? No, that's ridiculous, or is it?

Before you sleep at night, do you imagine like I do? Do you see a whole world made of your creativity around you? Do you think of your future and not about what you are going to be, but how you're going to get there? Do you realize the burden and how stressful it's going to be to buy a house, pay off your debt to the government for the financial costs for school, look for a job, clean your house, and on top of that juggle all that burden with bills to keep your house up and running? Do you realize this daunting task like I do? Once in a routine you will do that till you die, but do you want that? Seriously? A boring life filled with the same thing over and over again? Of course not, but everyone seems to end up in that position anyways. They make excuses saying that it's routine, and they're perfectly fine with where they are right now. Or they had just accepted that this was their life, and that was it.

You love sleep now, but as you where slowly drifting to unconsciousness did you think at what it would be like to sleep forever? To never open your eyes again, and to hear, feel, smell, or to even dream ever again? Think about it, does it not scare you like it does with me? That's what I imagine when I imagine death, absolutely nothing happens. When something dies, it dies. There is nothing religious about it.

I know that people believe in god and I don't try to say anything different, because I too wish a little inside that they are right. When death comes I am escorted to heaven, never to worry again. A place with no fear, only happiness, and a place where you would watch over your family as you waited for their time to come. We as humans have a second nature to fear death everything living does, and that's what we have in common.

When you look at someone, do you try to see yourself in their eyes like I do? Do you see the person you only know too well, pointing out every single flaw you had in spite of whatever you mother or father had said?

"You're beautiful."

"You are the most handsomest boy I had ever seen."

Do you believe them? No, because they're your parents. They would say that if you had one eye and fish gills, but when someone else says that to you, it means something.

I always did wonder, if everyone around me were computers. Auto piloted people that weren't actually real, just because I can't see through their eyes I assume this. I believe everyone out there is somewhat the same, because I always think I'm different and unique. Everybody does at one point or another.

I always wanted to believe in telepathy and super powers, at one point in time I was convinced if I tried hard enough I could bend a spoon with nothing but my will. Unfortunately I had learned that life as a human has it's own rules, the rule or particles, the rule of matter, you name it, life as a human has it's own rules and they will never change just because you want them to. Fun to fantasize and read about it sure, but that's why it's called fantasy or fiction for that matter, it is not real.

What is true love anyways? Is it looks? Partly. Is it personality? Yeah I guess so, but what if one didn't have looks? What if that one person was so repulsive looking that no one would stand near her in a five foot radius? Her personality could sparkle like diamonds but no one would know, that fragile but ugly girl would be forced to take drastic measures because she would feel unwanted, friendless, unloved no matter what her parents said, and depressed most of all. Would it have killed anyone to smile at her or say hello as they passed by? Of course not, but why would someone? If they look horrible, they are automatically labeled as a freak or a hermit or something.

I think, true love is nonexistent. Love is another word for feeling to have someone close, we humans seem to crave attention, warmth, and the feeling of safety wherever we go. The cravings to have all these emotions at once and the instinct that we naturally possess to repopulate all rolled into one word is love. Females want to feel protected, and males want to feel strong enough to protect something. As experiencing love for the first time it is different, then meeting the person your going to spend the rest of your life with.

The chase is what we all crave, I call it the adventure, because everything we endure from birth to death is an adventure. Depending how good our adventure is, determines our life. The adventure that two people make to find love is exciting and exhilarating, and we humans crave it. We crave it so much that after the small chase is over, the two seem to feel bored and separate. They explain to others that they didn't feel a connection anymore, and it was because they were moving into something serious. The beginning of an adult relationship, an unknown thing to teenagers and very odd to experience with their partner, and they take this as a bad sign. Love isn't about what they felt during the chase anymore and that, exactly that, is what causes them to break up.

I don't know what's in my future or how I'm going to keep up with my life, but even with all the topics I had thought about and feared, and even with all the hardships I already know I'm going to go through, I will keep my head up high and never regret my actions. I won't stand by and watch someone else suffer, I won't be embarrassed that I played dungeons and dragons for two hours and actually surprisingly liked it, and I'm going to dance whenever I hear music no matter who stares and watches.

Because I am me, and I am not ashamed of it. I don't know what happens after life, so I will enjoy it as if I already know what will happen if I don't.

And after all this, I hope you can dance with me, because I'm not afraid to say I want you to.

Let your mind go blank, and dance with me no matter how different you are from I.