Anti-Valentine's Day

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, and the ground was covered in...snow? It was absolutely freezing. The usual couples on the benches went to sunnier and warmer places. Herbert Berver was glad to be rid of them. Ever since that crazy maniac mistook him for Santa Claus he has been wary of Holidays and he didn't like Valentine's Day to begin with. Herbert was perhaps the only person who actually enjoyed the snow.

"No more kisses, no more hugs, no more Anything! I can live with this." He said in a rather cheery tone as he got dressed. He had the perfect sweater to wear. It had a huge broken heart on it with 'Anti-Valentine's Day' written on it in clear, bold letters.

Herbert began to hum as he walked down the street. He thought about the different ways he could have employed to destroy the Holiday. If it hadn't snowed he would have put a few stink bombs and fire crackers to good use. That, and he still had his brother's Halloween costume from last year. His brother had dressed up as a woman in skimpy attire. Now, considering Herbert's large build...that would have been creepy. It would have definitely destroyed the mood.

Your probably wondering why Herbie doesn't like such a fine Holiday. Why its actually quite simple and can be considered a bit of a tear jerker. You see, once upon a time he liked this girl. She had long long legs, super short arms, a rather gaunt look in her face, and a waist the size of a push pin. The girl's hair was always greasy and her eyes were the color of a sickly yellow-ish brown. She was a sight to behold. When Herbert confessed his undying devotion to her she simply turned him away and laughed. So now when Herbert sees her walking by he drops to floor and plays dead. He's gotten many stares.

"HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!" Some random guy around his age shouted out.

Herbert simply replied, "Yeah, YOU TOO. I mean it MUST be exciting standing in front of stores like some hobo shouting out random babble to passerby."

The guy just gave him a look but he kept walking. 'Seriously,' he thought to to himself. 'What is with these people? Valentine's Day is silly. Its just one day in the year that you forget about until the next year and its all about appeasing some silly girl and she gets the free meal at a nice resturant, not me!'

Herbert being, well, Herbert was so lost in his thoughts of distaste over Valentine's Day that he failed to notice the obvious sign that said 'Do NOT step in on the cracked sidewalk.' He, of course, stepped on the cracked sidewalk and tripped causing a lot more cracks. One of which dug into his behind.

"Ugh," he muttered.

"Are you alright?"

"What do You THINK-" Herbert looked up to express his irritation better when he stopped.

"Well, you look like you fell pretty hard." A girl said in a pretty voice.

"Y-yeah..."

"So, are you?"

"Huh?"

"Alright?"

"Definitely..."

Herbert had to scrunch his eyes shut because he could of sworn that something was messing up his vision. That's when he noticed that his hands were cold and so was the rest of him. He turned himself slightly and saw that the piece that had dug into his behind was shaped in a suspicious arrow shape. 'Great,' he thought, 'Cupid is out to get me.' When he looked at the girl again, 'Definately out to get me.' and then he yelled inside his mind: 'I still hate Valentine's Day! You can't change my mind that easily!'

"Here, let me help you up." She offered him her hand. "Interesting shirt your wearing there."

'I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate y...' he repeated over and over inside of his mind. Yet his hand seemed to have a mind of its own. It began to raise to meet hers so Herbert did the only thing he knew how to in such a situation. He played dead.